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<blockquote data-quote="lovemysons" data-source="post: 278552" data-attributes="member: 3305"><p>Thanks bby31218 and totoro, </p><p></p><p>For sure I'm not the clean freak I used to be...but I guess what bothers me most is that my emotions do not "fit" circumstances very well now. </p><p></p><p>I just got off the phone with my young difficult child...he is having heart surgery next week. He was crying on the phone to me, telling me how he's been dealt a bad hand, etc. Anyway, I'm of little help. I recommended he find a support group where he can share his feelings, talk about how his life may change because of his heart condition etc. All he could do was tell me how his FAMILY should be there for him, etc. </p><p>I just felt myself lacking in tears and emotion. </p><p>Now, don't get me wrong...I WILL be there for his heart surgery/pacemaker implantation next week. But I'm not disrought, ya know. </p><p></p><p>And really what bothers me most is that my writing is not as thoughtful as deep as it used to be...talking 2 plus years ago. Cause I've been on the Abilify now for 2 years. I did go off of it for a month, but the mania came back and so did intense anger...I didn't like myself that way...was definitely teary too. </p><p></p><p>Ya, I want the perfect combination. I want my emotional creative energies back but without the intense "pain" that goes along with it. </p><p></p><p>by the way, I believe I'm on the lowest dose of Abilify...only 5 mgs. </p><p></p><p>Thanks for caring. Just sometimes It really bothers me that I don't have the same emotional depth that I used to have. I used to believe myself as being quite the thoughtful "writer" and now, uhg, barely a paragraph or 2. Okay, maybe MORE than a paragraph or 2...I just wish I had what I USED to have. </p><p></p><p>I'll talk to my doctor sometime this week, see what she says. </p><p>Thanks again, </p><p>Tammy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="lovemysons, post: 278552, member: 3305"] Thanks bby31218 and totoro, For sure I'm not the clean freak I used to be...but I guess what bothers me most is that my emotions do not "fit" circumstances very well now. I just got off the phone with my young difficult child...he is having heart surgery next week. He was crying on the phone to me, telling me how he's been dealt a bad hand, etc. Anyway, I'm of little help. I recommended he find a support group where he can share his feelings, talk about how his life may change because of his heart condition etc. All he could do was tell me how his FAMILY should be there for him, etc. I just felt myself lacking in tears and emotion. Now, don't get me wrong...I WILL be there for his heart surgery/pacemaker implantation next week. But I'm not disrought, ya know. And really what bothers me most is that my writing is not as thoughtful as deep as it used to be...talking 2 plus years ago. Cause I've been on the Abilify now for 2 years. I did go off of it for a month, but the mania came back and so did intense anger...I didn't like myself that way...was definitely teary too. Ya, I want the perfect combination. I want my emotional creative energies back but without the intense "pain" that goes along with it. by the way, I believe I'm on the lowest dose of Abilify...only 5 mgs. Thanks for caring. Just sometimes It really bothers me that I don't have the same emotional depth that I used to have. I used to believe myself as being quite the thoughtful "writer" and now, uhg, barely a paragraph or 2. Okay, maybe MORE than a paragraph or 2...I just wish I had what I USED to have. I'll talk to my doctor sometime this week, see what she says. Thanks again, Tammy [/QUOTE]
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