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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 627778" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Sheila, COM gave great advice. I can't top it. He probably returned the items to buy drugs. This is part of the drug culture. At any rate, lessons learned are never a waste. Not it's time to take care of yourself and focus on your own happiness. You can not fix your son. He is edging toward middle age. HE needs to take control. YOU need to have a fruitful, happy retirement, even though your son is a mess. Letting go is the key. You may want to join Narc-Anon.</p><p>I mean, you don't HAVE to...but what is the point if you don't? Then EVERYONE will be miserable and your sleepless nights do not help your son one wit. You have nothing to feel guilty about. At your son's age all of his actions are on his own shoulders. </p><p></p><p>I offer my layperson's insight to difficult children in general.</p><p></p><p>Maybe because of drug abuse, maybe because they have personality disorders, maybe both in some cases, when they suddenly want to see us, it is almost always NOT to reconnect with family. It is usually to make a pitch for us to buy them things or do things for them that they should have been able to do themselves in high school. They don't want to grow up. They do not want to take responsibility. For whatever reason. It doesn't help them when we comply. Just like it doesn't help them when we have no life at all because we are obsessing over them. Only they can help them. Your ruined life does not help them. You don't have to be miserable because your adult child is in trouble. It is a choice all of us make.</p><p></p><p>Are you getting any sort of t herapy for yourself? YOU MATTER!</p><p></p><p>Do something very nice for yourself today!!!! You are worth it!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 627778, member: 1550"] Sheila, COM gave great advice. I can't top it. He probably returned the items to buy drugs. This is part of the drug culture. At any rate, lessons learned are never a waste. Not it's time to take care of yourself and focus on your own happiness. You can not fix your son. He is edging toward middle age. HE needs to take control. YOU need to have a fruitful, happy retirement, even though your son is a mess. Letting go is the key. You may want to join Narc-Anon. I mean, you don't HAVE to...but what is the point if you don't? Then EVERYONE will be miserable and your sleepless nights do not help your son one wit. You have nothing to feel guilty about. At your son's age all of his actions are on his own shoulders. I offer my layperson's insight to difficult children in general. Maybe because of drug abuse, maybe because they have personality disorders, maybe both in some cases, when they suddenly want to see us, it is almost always NOT to reconnect with family. It is usually to make a pitch for us to buy them things or do things for them that they should have been able to do themselves in high school. They don't want to grow up. They do not want to take responsibility. For whatever reason. It doesn't help them when we comply. Just like it doesn't help them when we have no life at all because we are obsessing over them. Only they can help them. Your ruined life does not help them. You don't have to be miserable because your adult child is in trouble. It is a choice all of us make. Are you getting any sort of t herapy for yourself? YOU MATTER! Do something very nice for yourself today!!!! You are worth it! [/QUOTE]
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