Can't stop crying...

[tandcg]

For a while now we've been dealing with my 13 year old son who has been struggling with ADHD and Bipolar, along with difiant behavior.

We made a change in medications recently and I thought we were starting to turn a corner. He graduated and we had about a two weeks stretch where he was calm and fairly obedient and respectful.

Then last night he pitched a fit when we told him no (wanted to sleep over at a friend's house for the third time this week...) and ended up spiking/exploding a can of pop all over his little sister's bedroom. I finally got her in bed around 11:30 after wiping down all the walls and the ceiling, changing the bed, shampooing the rug, and sorting out the stuffed animals and laundry that now had to be re-washed -- sobbing the whole time.

He ended up taking off for the friend's house without our permission. My husband refused to send the police to go pick him up, so he got away with his atrocious behavior again.

One step forward, one step back... I don't know where to find the strength to keep up this battle....

 

[nvts]

Hi! I'm so sorry that things worked out this way. Could you enlist the help of the friends parents and tell them that you don't want him to be offered an overnight stay unless they clear it with you first? Having that "pre-arrangement" might keep things from going out of control.

Remember one thing: this doesn't mean that the new medications aren't working. On some level, he's gotten his way in the past with this type of outburst so naturally, he's going to keep trying it.

You're doing the best that you can...have a good cry and then give yourself a break. Something I was lucky to figure out pretty early in the game:

"We can't judge ourselves as parents by normal societal standards because our kids aren't normal societal kids."

Keep your chin up, we're here for you!

Beth

 

[AnnieO]

You are a Warrior Mom... You've made it this far!

You said he graduated - middle school? I wonder if it is the sudden loss of structure. I know difficult child 1 is struggling right now. She's probably going to have an issue when husband tells her no more sleeping past 2 PM... Which she did today. We decided that noon is reasonable given that she has trouble getting to sleep to begin with, and honestly the kid needs her sleep! She's much easier to deal with when she's slept some.

About the sister... Any way to keep him out of her room?

Also, at 13 if he took off without permission, you can call the police. husband needs to know that he is enabling the child's behavior.

{{{{{HUGS}}}}} And I'm thinking of you. been there done that... Cried a lot. Tears are good though!

 

[BusynMember]

I am reading a tremendous and scary book called "Madness (Marya Hornbacher)." It is a true story about a female with bipolar I, rapid cycling and the horror of it shocked me. And I also have a mood disorder, but I had no idea it could get THAT bad that you had no idea what you were doing or even had no memory of it. My mood disorder isn't like that and your son probably isn't that bad either, but it's a good book to read. It opened my eyes.

The fact is, if you have a mood disorder, you are not going to be stable for your entire life. It can go into remission (a word the book used), but it doesn't go away. So the kids, who are even less mature than adults who can't control this disorder, have good and bad weeks. Their medications work sometimes and then they can be overwhelmed by the disorder and the medications can stop working for a while or need adjustment. Certain medications that work for ADHD make bipolar worse so you have to have a really good psychiatrist who gets that stims are usually bad for bipolar.

I've learned that this uneven progress is part of a mood disorder. Living with a mildler form of it, this is certainly the truth for me. I have good and bad weeks--weeks when I'm happy, weeks when I'm down for no reason. Without the right medications, I had episodes of violence. So did the woman in the book. Bipolar is a very serious disorder. I hope doctors are diagnosing it right. I'm starting to wonder if they are diagnosing it too much, but I digress: in my opinion you will have good and bad times, and it's up to you how you decide to deal with the bad times. (((Hugs)))

 

[loosing sanity]

I have been there and done that..It can be very overwhelming to say the least..Please take the time to take care of yourself because you will be no help to difficult child,or your daughter if you end up in the psychiatric ward yourself..Take care ((((huggs)))

 

[graceupongrace]

tandcg,

Sorry you're having to deal with that. It can be very crazy-making for all involved.

I know what you mean about thinking you've turned the corner. It's really discouraging when you've gotten your hopes up and then see a big meltdown. I've started to appreciate the good moments as just that -- good moments -- without reading any more into them. I'm just taking it a day at a time, and sometimes an hour at a time! It's a long journey we're on, and we don't always see dramatic turnarounds, just progress a little at a time, punctuated by setbacks.

The others are right: Take time for some self-care, even if it's something small like taking a half-hour to read a good book, or going to Starbucks instead of making a cup of coffee at home.

Sending hugs and strength your way.

 

[tandcg]

Thanks everyone - I really appreciate the hugs!!!