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<blockquote data-quote="Sara PA" data-source="post: 157778" data-attributes="member: 1498"><p>I had to laugh at this. I remember way back when I was in high school -- I did the same thing. Just a few minutes late each night I was out with my boyfriend. Every week when I came home Mom and I would have the same conversation. Mom threatened punishment but never followed through. Sooo, each week it got later and later by just a few minutes. Before you know it, I was regularly coming in a half hour later than my curfew. I even got my curfew changed from 11 to 11:30 to midnight by just coming in later. Obviously it wasn't really an issue for my mother or she would have done something about it. I do have to admit that I wondered why my mother -- who was a wonderful mother and loved me completely -- allowed me to be out beyond what she considered an appropriate time. Maybe she had faith in my good sense not to do anything truly bad but faith means nothing, really. (Though in this case her faith was well placed.)</p><p></p><p>But I know what I would do if it was an issue for me or if I were you.</p><p></p><p>Tell him you won't tolerate this behavior any longer. Tell him if he comes in by even a minute late again, his curfew will be 10:00 PM until he proves he can keep a curfew. You have to do it in a way that he is convinced you will follow through. Give him a full explanation of what is expected and a clear description of what will happen if he fails. Then, if he's late, follow through. Really, the goal isn't to punish him, the goal is to get him to comply with your rules. </p><p></p><p>What determines what proves he can comply with a curfew could be as little as he gets home by 10 PM that first night or, failing that, he gets home by 10 PM for three nights straight, for example. </p><p></p><p>Problems with this approach are that he might sneak out after 10 PM or he just ignores you and comes and goes as he pleases. Gotta know your kid before you issue ultimatums. Don't want to push them into complete defiance and make things worse. If that's a possibility, you need to form a Plan B in case that happens.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Sara PA, post: 157778, member: 1498"] I had to laugh at this. I remember way back when I was in high school -- I did the same thing. Just a few minutes late each night I was out with my boyfriend. Every week when I came home Mom and I would have the same conversation. Mom threatened punishment but never followed through. Sooo, each week it got later and later by just a few minutes. Before you know it, I was regularly coming in a half hour later than my curfew. I even got my curfew changed from 11 to 11:30 to midnight by just coming in later. Obviously it wasn't really an issue for my mother or she would have done something about it. I do have to admit that I wondered why my mother -- who was a wonderful mother and loved me completely -- allowed me to be out beyond what she considered an appropriate time. Maybe she had faith in my good sense not to do anything truly bad but faith means nothing, really. (Though in this case her faith was well placed.) But I know what I would do if it was an issue for me or if I were you. Tell him you won't tolerate this behavior any longer. Tell him if he comes in by even a minute late again, his curfew will be 10:00 PM until he proves he can keep a curfew. You have to do it in a way that he is convinced you will follow through. Give him a full explanation of what is expected and a clear description of what will happen if he fails. Then, if he's late, follow through. Really, the goal isn't to punish him, the goal is to get him to comply with your rules. What determines what proves he can comply with a curfew could be as little as he gets home by 10 PM that first night or, failing that, he gets home by 10 PM for three nights straight, for example. Problems with this approach are that he might sneak out after 10 PM or he just ignores you and comes and goes as he pleases. Gotta know your kid before you issue ultimatums. Don't want to push them into complete defiance and make things worse. If that's a possibility, you need to form a Plan B in case that happens. [/QUOTE]
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