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Changes in my life....
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 739949" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>RN. Hi. So much gratitude in your post. And trepidation, too. Is that the right word? Or is it caution?</p><p></p><p>(I am starting in left field, here. I'll get to my point, which is, in a word, prayers.)</p><p></p><p>I will only write what I am feeling right now about life. That it is a moment to moment deal, the practice to return to wholeness, to belief, to our own sense of connection to that which is holy and possible. To faith.</p><p></p><p>I am ordering a book about illness, and how pain and infirmity can be ways to wake us to our real purpose, real selves, real life, in each moment.</p><p></p><p>I can look at my road with my son in the same way, but really I can do this only in the abstract. I can think of the possibility of doing this.</p><p></p><p>But in reality? I am bitter. My heart is closed. I do not want to see him. I barely want to talk to him. Because the him he has become, the life he lives, I reject so whole-heartedly.</p><p></p><p>So what does that mean about my own heart in relation to my son? That closing it to him, means I am closing it in really radical life-altering ways for myself. Each time I say no to him in my mind, no to the way he lives, I am saying no to the best part of myself, and my life.</p><p></p><p>What I am coming to here is to prayer. I do not have to close myself off to my son, either by closing my heart or my hope. There is prayer. It is not my appropriate job to monitor the freeway of life, especially at the cost of my body/mind.</p><p></p><p>What will be will be. Our sons will live as they will. Life will unfold as it does. Your life sounds like it is coming together in the best possible way. You have opened your heart and home to the son you love. Whatever you feel, I feel, has not one thing in the world to do with what your son chooses and how he handles his life as it unfolds.</p><p></p><p>Open-hearted or fearful, however we are, our sons will live as they do, and so will we.</p><p></p><p>Through this post I am seeing (again) that closing my heart is neither here nor there. It does not protect me. It does not alter the future or present. It protects or influences my child, not at all. It protects me, even less. It only closes my heart.</p><p></p><p>Your heart is open and welcoming. This is the definition of courage. And, in my book, faith. What in the world could be better?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 739949, member: 18958"] RN. Hi. So much gratitude in your post. And trepidation, too. Is that the right word? Or is it caution? (I am starting in left field, here. I'll get to my point, which is, in a word, prayers.) I will only write what I am feeling right now about life. That it is a moment to moment deal, the practice to return to wholeness, to belief, to our own sense of connection to that which is holy and possible. To faith. I am ordering a book about illness, and how pain and infirmity can be ways to wake us to our real purpose, real selves, real life, in each moment. I can look at my road with my son in the same way, but really I can do this only in the abstract. I can think of the possibility of doing this. But in reality? I am bitter. My heart is closed. I do not want to see him. I barely want to talk to him. Because the him he has become, the life he lives, I reject so whole-heartedly. So what does that mean about my own heart in relation to my son? That closing it to him, means I am closing it in really radical life-altering ways for myself. Each time I say no to him in my mind, no to the way he lives, I am saying no to the best part of myself, and my life. What I am coming to here is to prayer. I do not have to close myself off to my son, either by closing my heart or my hope. There is prayer. It is not my appropriate job to monitor the freeway of life, especially at the cost of my body/mind. What will be will be. Our sons will live as they will. Life will unfold as it does. Your life sounds like it is coming together in the best possible way. You have opened your heart and home to the son you love. Whatever you feel, I feel, has not one thing in the world to do with what your son chooses and how he handles his life as it unfolds. Open-hearted or fearful, however we are, our sons will live as they do, and so will we. Through this post I am seeing (again) that closing my heart is neither here nor there. It does not protect me. It does not alter the future or present. It protects or influences my child, not at all. It protects me, even less. It only closes my heart. Your heart is open and welcoming. This is the definition of courage. And, in my book, faith. What in the world could be better? [/QUOTE]
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