Checking in

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by 2ODD, May 17, 2011.

  1. 2ODD

    2ODD New Member

    Hi all!!

    We are all settled back in the house now. My mom came down last week just in enough time for court.

    I got sole custody of the kids and interim possession of the house. We head back to court on the 6th.

    L started with a therapist last week. He told him everything that has happened and is weighing on his mind. Thankfully, he is talking now.

    My ex called the therapist and told him that he wants to participate in therapy with L and is expecting that he will at the next appointment. I have reservations about this happening so soon since L has shut down in the past because his father got involved with
    L's therapy. I think that L needs to work on his stuff before the ex can go in with him. Then again, what do I know? I'm just the one that gave birth and has raised him! I'll be talking to the therapist.

    All of the kids have been awesome and are glad to be back in their home.

    I spend my day putting one foot in front of the other. That's all that I can do for now.

    Hope that all is well with you. I'll be in touch again soon.
  2. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    So glad things are working out. Do you have a RO against husband?

    I think you gut is correct that L needs a chance to build a relationship with the therapist before dad gets to be at the same appointments.
  3. shellyd67

    shellyd67 Active Member

    Keep putting one foot in front of the other. You are doing an awesome job !!!!!
  4. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I'm proud of you. I can only imagine how exhausting each step is...but each baby step forward is bulding strength and resolve for you and the children. You remain in my thoughts & prayers. DDD
  5. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    That's good to hear that things are coming together for you.
    I felt wary when I read that your husband rang the therapist to say he wants to attend the therapy also - this feels almost sinister and very controlling. But as I was married to a very controlling and abusive man, I may be projecting onto this situation :)
    At any rate, very good luck...
  6. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm glad you and the kids are back and settled in the house. Sending gentle hugs to you.
  7. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Tried to reply to this earlier but the site had other ideas. Glad to hear from you, and I hope you talk to therapist about it before ex convinces therapist to allow it.
  8. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am glad to hear that you are all safe. I really hope that you can keep him away from therapy with your child until the child has a firm bond with a good therapist who will help him with his volatile father. If you have to find a therapist and keep the appts a secret from your husband, it sounds like it would be worth the work. Not sure if this is possible, but whatever you need to do to protect the kids is a good idea.

    Have you explored the resources and support the local domestic violence center can offer? They will be able to really help your child find ways to deal with the violence, fear, terror, panic attacks, etc... and they will NOT release details to an abuser even if it is a parent. At least ours will not. I touched upon issues with my gfgbro while I was getting therapy at the center here. At the time he was in their men's program voluntarily. even though he was one of their success stories in many ways, they still would not even confirm that I had been there to him. I know he asked a lot of questions because the therapist warned me that he was being very inappropriate in his interest in what I was doing there. This was one of the things that let me finally accept that our relationship truly is toxic and that I really was being abused by him, even if he didn't treat anyone else the way he treated me. The therapist was very alarmed because he felt he had some right to know every detail of my therapy and he even asked to see videotape of my various sessions. There were no videotapes, nothing was recorded, but he persisted in believing that they had secret tapes of me in therapy and that it was a violation of HIS rights to not let him watch all of them. So I doubt that any DV center would release ANY info to the father. They are also VERY skilled in helping kids with violent parents. And they are free, which never hurts!

    I am so glad you are not living in fear and that you and hte kids are now able to work on healing. Thank you for letting us know you are safe now. Even though we are a cyber group, we still care very much and worry when we know members are in bad situations. Are you all beginning to process things and accept the fact that you don't have to be so scared? It takes time.