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child psychologist visit --he loves you
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 79816" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>T2, </p><p></p><p>Apologies for all the whirlwinds surrounding you and your family right now, but I got as far on your post as to see that a child stuck a fist in your face. </p><p></p><p>I've been there, and I called the police. I was abused and tortured in my marriage and I can tell you that NO ONE, mentally ill, sick, child or beast will EVER disrespect and endanger my life again. A fist in the face unpunished means the next time (and there will be a next time because he's testing limits and won) he will maybe NOT stop at making a fist and hit you. It's predictable if you've been there before. </p><p></p><p>For people who have not, you think differently, but sadly I feel I have the insight to tell you what will happen. When I called the police, difficult child ran away. I sent them to ALL of his so-called friends houses and they finally found him, brought him back and told him if I called again for making a physical threat even doing a finger like a gun gang sign.....they would PERSONALLY make sure his ride to Juvenille hall was less than fun. </p><p></p><p>I was so sick when I picked up the phone and called 911. My baby, after what we went through together, all the abuse how could he? I was out of my body in thought even while the police were at my house. I found myself making excuses for him - he's got CD, he's been abused, he's not right...and when I talked about it in therapy I wept, then sobbed. My son it seemed was becoming my x. Nothing could or would kill me quicker. It was like all the work I had done to that point went out the window with one ugly gesture. </p><p></p><p>When I told the therapist what I had done, he told me I did EXACTLY the right thing. Through tears I heard "You did the right thing, by doing that you sent a message that he does NOT get to abuse you." Verbal is ENOUGH, but to raise a fist to your mother? AND DF was there in a second when it happened and the things that came out of him in my defense were just scary. The point however was that it was made clear this would never happen again. And it never has. </p><p></p><p>Had I not done anything and poo poohed it under the carpet difficult child would have taken TOTAL control of my home and over me that day. </p><p>Are there different circumstances between you and I? Sure, but ask yourself what would happen if someone else's child did that to you? Would you tolerate that behavior? And then ask yourself maybe...how BAD is BAD. Where do we draw the line. Once it's crossed what are we going to do. </p><p></p><p>My son eventually said he was sorry, and I never said apology accepted. I told him I was disappointed - very disappointed that he felt a fist in my face would solve anything other than him going to jail. </p><p></p><p>YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO BE SAFE IN YOUR OWN HOME. THAT MEANS SAFE FROM OUTSIDE AND INSIDE. There are no excuses you can give to justify putting a fist in your Mothers face. </p><p></p><p>Have a plan because now that he has used that power without consequence it will grow. FYI, My son was told by our therapist that he was very lucky due to the abuse I did suffer that I didn't go into a trance state and hurt him badly forgetting he was my son. Sad but true. </p><p></p><p>I hope you don't take this post the wrong way. I'm just telling you what I experienced and I was told if it happens once, it will happen again unless consequences are severe. </p><p></p><p>Hugs </p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 79816, member: 4964"] T2, Apologies for all the whirlwinds surrounding you and your family right now, but I got as far on your post as to see that a child stuck a fist in your face. I've been there, and I called the police. I was abused and tortured in my marriage and I can tell you that NO ONE, mentally ill, sick, child or beast will EVER disrespect and endanger my life again. A fist in the face unpunished means the next time (and there will be a next time because he's testing limits and won) he will maybe NOT stop at making a fist and hit you. It's predictable if you've been there before. For people who have not, you think differently, but sadly I feel I have the insight to tell you what will happen. When I called the police, difficult child ran away. I sent them to ALL of his so-called friends houses and they finally found him, brought him back and told him if I called again for making a physical threat even doing a finger like a gun gang sign.....they would PERSONALLY make sure his ride to Juvenille hall was less than fun. I was so sick when I picked up the phone and called 911. My baby, after what we went through together, all the abuse how could he? I was out of my body in thought even while the police were at my house. I found myself making excuses for him - he's got CD, he's been abused, he's not right...and when I talked about it in therapy I wept, then sobbed. My son it seemed was becoming my x. Nothing could or would kill me quicker. It was like all the work I had done to that point went out the window with one ugly gesture. When I told the therapist what I had done, he told me I did EXACTLY the right thing. Through tears I heard "You did the right thing, by doing that you sent a message that he does NOT get to abuse you." Verbal is ENOUGH, but to raise a fist to your mother? AND DF was there in a second when it happened and the things that came out of him in my defense were just scary. The point however was that it was made clear this would never happen again. And it never has. Had I not done anything and poo poohed it under the carpet difficult child would have taken TOTAL control of my home and over me that day. Are there different circumstances between you and I? Sure, but ask yourself what would happen if someone else's child did that to you? Would you tolerate that behavior? And then ask yourself maybe...how BAD is BAD. Where do we draw the line. Once it's crossed what are we going to do. My son eventually said he was sorry, and I never said apology accepted. I told him I was disappointed - very disappointed that he felt a fist in my face would solve anything other than him going to jail. YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO BE SAFE IN YOUR OWN HOME. THAT MEANS SAFE FROM OUTSIDE AND INSIDE. There are no excuses you can give to justify putting a fist in your Mothers face. Have a plan because now that he has used that power without consequence it will grow. FYI, My son was told by our therapist that he was very lucky due to the abuse I did suffer that I didn't go into a trance state and hurt him badly forgetting he was my son. Sad but true. I hope you don't take this post the wrong way. I'm just telling you what I experienced and I was told if it happens once, it will happen again unless consequences are severe. Hugs Star [/QUOTE]
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