Dash,
I am, and have been going through, the same type of issues, with some differences, with Daughter. I keep wanting to post about them, but I'm loaded with school work as I near graduation, and time is at a premium.
One example:
Daughter now 21, brought some stranger to "visit" for a couple of days. A few months ago Daughter, in an outburst of anger at me, told me she is a lesbian. Okay, I wouldn't have a problem with that if she were TRULY a lesbian. She's just not. She's just enmeshed in drama, and always look for more, that she tends to hang out with women. She also has had a few bad male experiences because she keeps picking LOSERS. Anyway, all the hoopla died down and, of course, she's my daughter and I love her regardless, lesbian or no.
Back to my story, this girl comes to spend the weekend at my home because daughter still lives here (acting very much like a teenager, too). I become furious because a couple of years ago, under the guise of having a friend stay the weekend with her, she quietly moves her in because "she has nowhere else to go." Once they get in, it's harder than heck to get them out. After that, I told her no one comes here without my, or her father's, permission. I'm a very private person as far as my home goes after living with two difficult children for 20 + years and really don't like strangers in my house at all.
Fast forward to three weeks ago. Daughter has a couple of friends over and they take over my kitchen. Cooking and making a mess. That another issue we have, but I'll save that for another time. There's noise and drama and I'm trying to get all my final papers and projects completed. Another fight ensues. Then, I notice that one girl isn't leaving and is still here after three days. Mind you, normally I would have said something right away, but I'm so darn preoccupied with school and working. Finally, I text her (sounds funny, but it avoids arguments) and asked when her friend would be leaving? I get a "I need to talk to you about that.". What I find out is that this 19 year old girl wants to stay for a week while waiting for money to go live with her grandparents in Ohio. Of course, I smell trouble. Why not wait at HER home in LA? No, I'm told, her Dad abuses her. Really? She has no money, but a sweet cellphone. Who pays for that? Some friend, I'm told. She needs to stay for the next week and then I'm assured she WILL be gone and on her way to Ohio. Reluctantly, I agree. But, then discover she is being left alone in my house while I am going at work and Daughter is working. Another massive explosion on my part. Daughter finds her a place to be while she is at work. Daughter has a part time job and would work full time if she could find something as she dropped out of college. Did I mention that daughter drives my car back and forth to work and I haven't driven it in three years?
A week goes by and I pose the question of what time will friend be leaving? I'm told that they both need to speak with me about that. I respond no I was promised out by today and I expect out by today. She's got problems, her Dad abuses her, blah, blah blah! She needs to stay until the end of the month. "No WAY!" I respond.husband has been out of town working and comes home to this. Finally, providing a united front, we inform Daughter, "She's gone or we are taking her to the homeless shelter. Pick one." Then, daughter tells me that they are "More than friends". That sends me into a fit because I would not allow a strange male lover to come into my house and move into her room and I won't allow a female either. They whole time Daughter is just not getting it. So frustrating!
Taking things that don't belong her is another problem. For me, it's not big things, but little things like my shampoo. I'm in the shower at 5am and discover she's taken my shampoo AGAIN. Go to the dollar store and get your own shampoo! Or, she takes my mascara and I'm in a rush fumbling around for it. I've told her so many times to stay out of my stuff I think my head is going to explode!
Because she can't seem to remember to clean up after herself in the kitchen, I went to talk to her to PLEASE clean up and put things away. She responds: "I won't ever cook or eat in there again." I was dumbfounded, I looked at her after a short pause to calm myself and said, "You mean, you would rather not cook or eat because you are expected to clean up after yourself?" She did blink and I think (hope!) she realized how nonsensical that sounded.
husband and I have given her until the end of the year for her to get her own car. Unfortunately, our public transportation doesn't run the hours she works, but that is NOT my problem.
Sorry, didn't mean to go off on a tangent on my issues. Just letting you know I hear you loud and clear!
