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Christmas dilemma....
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<blockquote data-quote="PatriotsGirl" data-source="post: 478624"><p>I had to come back to this thread as husband and I were discussing Thanksgiving plans this morning. He reminded me that he and easy child do not like turkey dinner and that I would be the only one eating it. Well, my plan all along had been to invite difficult child over to eat with us if she could be respectful and act like an adult. I mentioned that this morning and he doesn't want to take the chance and refuses to be there if she is. He claimed he would rather go somewhere else and spend the day and allow me to have the house with the kids. This is not a viable solution to me. But, I also know I wouldn't be able to enjoy a dinner at home. I would be thinking about difficult child and wondering what she was going to eat that day. The thought just absolutely crushes me. So, best solution for me is to volunteer my time that day to feed the homeless. I will be doing something that makes me feel good and I could invite difficult child to share that experience with me. Stinks that we can't all be together, but at least I won't be miserable....</p><p></p><p>But I keep coming to this quote because I realize it is SO true. I am<em> always</em> seeking my difficult child's approval and affection. Why??? I am always concerned about her feelings and what is she going to do without her family on the holidays. Why??? I found out the other day that her phone had been stolen - again. Yet, it was not her that told me. The only reason I know this is because she keeps her Facebook public and posted about it. She also posted her new phone number (no idea how she got that and it is a PA number?). Anyhow, she has not contacted me. So why am I so concerned about her holiday? </p><p></p><p>husband says we are going to run in to this problem every year around the holidays. My thinking is that I am hopeful it won't always be this way. I am hopeful that she will mature into a better person and could come over on the holidays, be pleasant and then go home. But what if she doesn't? Am I going to run away every holiday because I can't bear to think that we are abandoning her? I can't help but feel crappy if I did stay home and cook a meal and what if she asks what we are doing for Thanksgiving? Am I to tell her we are staying home and eating but she isn't invited?? I couldn't possibly do that. And on the same line of thinking, if we stayed home for Christmas (which we were considering), do I tell her then that she simply isn't invited to be with her family on Christmas?? I am having a really hard time wrapping my brain around this. Yet, it is really obvious she is making no effort to be a part of the family, so why am I so concerned about her holiday plans? </p><p></p><p>Have any of you had to tell your kids they weren't invited to be part of a holiday with you??</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="PatriotsGirl, post: 478624"] I had to come back to this thread as husband and I were discussing Thanksgiving plans this morning. He reminded me that he and easy child do not like turkey dinner and that I would be the only one eating it. Well, my plan all along had been to invite difficult child over to eat with us if she could be respectful and act like an adult. I mentioned that this morning and he doesn't want to take the chance and refuses to be there if she is. He claimed he would rather go somewhere else and spend the day and allow me to have the house with the kids. This is not a viable solution to me. But, I also know I wouldn't be able to enjoy a dinner at home. I would be thinking about difficult child and wondering what she was going to eat that day. The thought just absolutely crushes me. So, best solution for me is to volunteer my time that day to feed the homeless. I will be doing something that makes me feel good and I could invite difficult child to share that experience with me. Stinks that we can't all be together, but at least I won't be miserable.... But I keep coming to this quote because I realize it is SO true. I am[I] always[/I] seeking my difficult child's approval and affection. Why??? I am always concerned about her feelings and what is she going to do without her family on the holidays. Why??? I found out the other day that her phone had been stolen - again. Yet, it was not her that told me. The only reason I know this is because she keeps her Facebook public and posted about it. She also posted her new phone number (no idea how she got that and it is a PA number?). Anyhow, she has not contacted me. So why am I so concerned about her holiday? husband says we are going to run in to this problem every year around the holidays. My thinking is that I am hopeful it won't always be this way. I am hopeful that she will mature into a better person and could come over on the holidays, be pleasant and then go home. But what if she doesn't? Am I going to run away every holiday because I can't bear to think that we are abandoning her? I can't help but feel crappy if I did stay home and cook a meal and what if she asks what we are doing for Thanksgiving? Am I to tell her we are staying home and eating but she isn't invited?? I couldn't possibly do that. And on the same line of thinking, if we stayed home for Christmas (which we were considering), do I tell her then that she simply isn't invited to be with her family on Christmas?? I am having a really hard time wrapping my brain around this. Yet, it is really obvious she is making no effort to be a part of the family, so why am I so concerned about her holiday plans? Have any of you had to tell your kids they weren't invited to be part of a holiday with you?? [/QUOTE]
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