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Christmas dilemma....
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 478726"><p>Oh it is a hard one. I am not facing it this year because my difficult child is living out of state. However it is absolutely clear to me that until he does some major major work and works some major issues out with my daughter we will not be getting together the 4 of us. My daughter is very very angry with him for some things he did and I totally get and respect her anger. She is most definitely a easy child and has a therapist to deal with the impact he has had on her life. She is doing great. I have decided that I cannot force her to see him and will not do so. She has set a boundary and I have decided to respect that. He knows how she feels because she wrote him a letter at one point which he has not yet responded to. I think he could not deal with her anger.. hopefully with tx he will work through some of his feelings and be ablel to make amends. I have hopes that he will do that and that eventually they can be close again but right now I have accepted that they cannot.</p><p></p><p>So he is coming home for a court date... we offered him a hotel room. He is staying with a friend instead which I am not thrilled about but it is the way it is.</p><p></p><p>If he was going to be here for the holiday I would hope to see him at some point but it woudl be separate from the celebration with my daughter.</p><p></p><p>So I agree with others right now your marraige comes first and so does your easy child. You really can't put everyone else on hold for your difficult child.... you really don't want to sacrifice them for her. It seems like your husband is setting a clear boundary for himself and is letting you decide what you want to do. Good for him.</p><p></p><p>I think I would be honest with difficult child and say "look your behavior has been such that husband does not want to spend the holiday with you. I am willing to get together for breakfast, or a late supper or whatever, but you can't come to the family celebration right now". It is the consequences of her own behavior.</p><p></p><p>I know very very hard to do. Sometimes someone else setting a boundary helps us set them too.</p><p></p><p>TL</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 478726"] Oh it is a hard one. I am not facing it this year because my difficult child is living out of state. However it is absolutely clear to me that until he does some major major work and works some major issues out with my daughter we will not be getting together the 4 of us. My daughter is very very angry with him for some things he did and I totally get and respect her anger. She is most definitely a easy child and has a therapist to deal with the impact he has had on her life. She is doing great. I have decided that I cannot force her to see him and will not do so. She has set a boundary and I have decided to respect that. He knows how she feels because she wrote him a letter at one point which he has not yet responded to. I think he could not deal with her anger.. hopefully with tx he will work through some of his feelings and be ablel to make amends. I have hopes that he will do that and that eventually they can be close again but right now I have accepted that they cannot. So he is coming home for a court date... we offered him a hotel room. He is staying with a friend instead which I am not thrilled about but it is the way it is. If he was going to be here for the holiday I would hope to see him at some point but it woudl be separate from the celebration with my daughter. So I agree with others right now your marraige comes first and so does your easy child. You really can't put everyone else on hold for your difficult child.... you really don't want to sacrifice them for her. It seems like your husband is setting a clear boundary for himself and is letting you decide what you want to do. Good for him. I think I would be honest with difficult child and say "look your behavior has been such that husband does not want to spend the holiday with you. I am willing to get together for breakfast, or a late supper or whatever, but you can't come to the family celebration right now". It is the consequences of her own behavior. I know very very hard to do. Sometimes someone else setting a boundary helps us set them too. TL [/QUOTE]
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