When you're dealing with church you're generally dealing with uneducated (on matters of Special Education kids) members of the public. The trouble is, spiritually a lot of them think they have all the answers. to NOT have all the answers is a challenge to their faith and they often do not like having their faith or authority challenged.
We were unfortunate in having a community where I had the only pre-teen boys. In an atmosphere of strong-willed girls a number of them ganged up on my boys simply because they ARE boys, and excluded them. Or they would annoy difficult child 3 and keep niggling at him until he lashed out, then they would go and 'dob'. I watched it once, just to see what was happening. I also had a few friends who kept an eye out because they realised the girls were bullying and their parents were enabling it. The dear little pets had blocked the only way off the veranda and declared their area to be a 'boy-free zone'. Adult males were not stopped, only difficult child 3. Then they blocked the inside corridor so he had NO way to get back to us. At the time difficult child 3 was non-verbal, he was unable to tell us what was happening. I was angry at the parents of the worst offenders who kept insisting that it was MY kids who were the cause. We stopped going to church, stopped sending difficult child 3 to Sunday School and when I was asked why, I told them.
Interestingly, those same girls later on became difficult child 3's strongest supporters, but by then too much damage had been done and he hates going to church unless he can sit in the 'cry room' (now, with no babies, it's becoming a teen escape) and play with his DS.
We used to keep the kids with us in church but we had a few people (single, middle-aged childless females) complain that ANY sounds were interrupting their time of spiritual contemplation. My response was that these kids' sounds are part of the world and part of life, we cannot manufacture a 'life-free zone' for the purpose of worship, we have to worship where we can and with what conditions we have. It's wonderful to have silence to fill with your prayers; it's so much better to be able to pray in a noisy, crowded room. I also reminded them of the "Suffer the little children" verse.
Currently, I've not been a regular attender for months. Life, circumstances, needing to spend quality time with family on weekends, has stopped me. Plus, needing to have someone with difficult child 3. Despite all this, both my boys have a very strong faith. difficult child 3, though, still has a poor understanding of the details. Attending church and Sunday School (we haven't got one anyway, now) never has taught him much. He learnt more at Scripture class in school and absolutely adores his former Scripture teacher. He & I talk about matters of faith when they come up, and he talks about it with his Scripture teacher whenever he meets her in the street.
I know it doesn't sound like it, but our church is like a close-knit family. The problem right now though is I'm not happy with the family; various members have hurt others and it hurts me. In an atmosphere like that, it's best to keep difficult child 3 out of it. husband is also dissatisfied. This church is also becoming far more fundamentalist than we're happy with, because it is bringing with it a close mind, blinkered approach that was never present in the old-fashioned, conservative church where I grew up.
Narrow-mindedness is increasingly prevailing. And while I can tolerate that to a point, it brings with it a judgmentalism that extend to anybody and anything not fitting into very narrow parameters. This includes difficult child kids and adults. And in my opinion, it flies in the face of true Christianity.
The problem may be worse in Sydney, because of a unique phenomenon - the Sydney Anglican. They are influencing far more than they should, in Australian Christian viewpoints (especially Sydney). And although husband grew up in Sydney and an Anglican, he will never be able to be described as a Sydney Anglican. It is the opposite of everything he ever believed.
If you want to know more of the horror that is a Sydney Anglican, Google "Anglican", "Sydney" and "Jensen". The Jensen brothers are responsible for a lot of what I refer to as mind control and brainwashing. I can't use that language to Sydney Anglicans because they call me a heretic for even thinking it. And in Sydney right now, if you get called a heretic it actually has led to court, in at least one case in recent years. That was scary.
Having a difficult child is, in some churches, considered a sign of lack of faith from the parents. THAT is also worrying. And judgmental. When you stubbornly refuse to be healed, then it is no longer the responsibility of any 'right-thinking Christian' to have to care about you, because you must be sinful, clearly. [Please note - due to recent misunderstandings in other posts, I will point out that I am being sarcastic here. It's not always obvious, apparently.]
I feel the most important thing here is faith. While fellowship with others is generally better than isolation, sometimes it's just not viable and you have to nourish your faith alone.
Do what you feel is best and keep in touch with your own beliefs. If there is someone you are good friends with, with whom you can share a cup of coffee and some deep and meaningful chat sometimes, that may be the way to go for a while.