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Circle of support for klmnopqrstuvwxy
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<blockquote data-quote="Mattsmom277" data-source="post: 444846" data-attributes="member: 4264"><p>First, hugs! Second, cheers (I imagine you're enjoying a cold one right now!). </p><p></p><p>Now, as for your mother. If it were me? I'd detach so completely and handle things radically different. I would no longer worry what she thinks. If you must reply, I'd do something like this:</p><p></p><p>Dear Drama Mama,</p><p>Thank you for your letter. It always feels good to receive letters inquiring into my life and accomplishments and about my work etc. I hope all is well with you and that you will let me know in future letters about the good things in your life. We all know how dreary it gets to repeat the same old tired endless conversations about peoples personal issues and life is too short. So anything new and wonderful happening in your world?</p><p>difficult child of course has had problems and may always have his own personal struggles and not always make the best decisions. Right now he remains in the best place for him at this time and continues his very personal and very PRIVATE path of emotional growth. As much as we all love difficult child, his path is his own and really it is inappropriate for any of us to disect his actions or issues. He's doing what he needs to do to be happy and well and I wish nothing but good things for him in the future. The only thing that we can do in loving him is to give him space to get through his issues on his own and if he chooses to speak to us about his issues, that is now and always will be HIS decision and is appropriate conversation only when initiated by him, which frankly at this stage of his life anyhow, isn't really his "way". Your continued efforts to want to be there for him are very positive and good. If you can continue forward with upbeat cheerful letters without attempting to force him to discuss his private business, I assume he can only benefit from knowing he has unconditional love and support from you and THAT is something I can fully support. I hope that answers your inquiries regarding him and I'm certain that you can understand how just by virtue of being blood relatives it does not mean it is appropriate to disclose difficult children private issues on his behalf. A nice light approach to letter writing is more than welcome and I'm sure he'll look forward to letters written in that vein.</p><p>You haven't asked but I thought you might like to know that work is good, house is good, I'm gardening (or whatever, just insert some meaningless but upbeat facts about your life, never once disclosing anything that is difficult, the idea here is light).</p><p>Thank you again for your letter mom. I look forward to a continued correspondence based on positive letters where we can share the good things in our lives in healthy ways. </p><p>KLMNO</p><p></p><p>Then, each and every time she writes the way she has been, respond just like the letter above. Each. And. Every. Time. </p><p></p><p>Even if its getting under your skin? Don't let her know it! if you can't for whatever reason cut this broomhilda from your world, choose your approach. She doesn't ever have to get a response she's hoping for, it doesn't mean you have to worry about her getting uppity if you tell her off, which I doubt would help. And even if she gets more pointed in her letters and in your face in her letters demanding answers or information, continue to respond as above. Kill her with kindness (and non information! lol). </p><p></p><p>That's how I would handle it but only you know your mother. Do what feels right for you and difficult child and what won't cause more needless drama from your mama. I'm off to general to read your other post. Hope that beer is cold and that you are unwinding!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mattsmom277, post: 444846, member: 4264"] First, hugs! Second, cheers (I imagine you're enjoying a cold one right now!). Now, as for your mother. If it were me? I'd detach so completely and handle things radically different. I would no longer worry what she thinks. If you must reply, I'd do something like this: Dear Drama Mama, Thank you for your letter. It always feels good to receive letters inquiring into my life and accomplishments and about my work etc. I hope all is well with you and that you will let me know in future letters about the good things in your life. We all know how dreary it gets to repeat the same old tired endless conversations about peoples personal issues and life is too short. So anything new and wonderful happening in your world? difficult child of course has had problems and may always have his own personal struggles and not always make the best decisions. Right now he remains in the best place for him at this time and continues his very personal and very PRIVATE path of emotional growth. As much as we all love difficult child, his path is his own and really it is inappropriate for any of us to disect his actions or issues. He's doing what he needs to do to be happy and well and I wish nothing but good things for him in the future. The only thing that we can do in loving him is to give him space to get through his issues on his own and if he chooses to speak to us about his issues, that is now and always will be HIS decision and is appropriate conversation only when initiated by him, which frankly at this stage of his life anyhow, isn't really his "way". Your continued efforts to want to be there for him are very positive and good. If you can continue forward with upbeat cheerful letters without attempting to force him to discuss his private business, I assume he can only benefit from knowing he has unconditional love and support from you and THAT is something I can fully support. I hope that answers your inquiries regarding him and I'm certain that you can understand how just by virtue of being blood relatives it does not mean it is appropriate to disclose difficult children private issues on his behalf. A nice light approach to letter writing is more than welcome and I'm sure he'll look forward to letters written in that vein. You haven't asked but I thought you might like to know that work is good, house is good, I'm gardening (or whatever, just insert some meaningless but upbeat facts about your life, never once disclosing anything that is difficult, the idea here is light). Thank you again for your letter mom. I look forward to a continued correspondence based on positive letters where we can share the good things in our lives in healthy ways. KLMNO Then, each and every time she writes the way she has been, respond just like the letter above. Each. And. Every. Time. Even if its getting under your skin? Don't let her know it! if you can't for whatever reason cut this broomhilda from your world, choose your approach. She doesn't ever have to get a response she's hoping for, it doesn't mean you have to worry about her getting uppity if you tell her off, which I doubt would help. And even if she gets more pointed in her letters and in your face in her letters demanding answers or information, continue to respond as above. Kill her with kindness (and non information! lol). That's how I would handle it but only you know your mother. Do what feels right for you and difficult child and what won't cause more needless drama from your mama. I'm off to general to read your other post. Hope that beer is cold and that you are unwinding! [/QUOTE]
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