Circle of support for klmnopqrstuvwxy

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Star*, Jul 11, 2011.

  1. Star*

    Star* call 911

    NOOOO idea what is going on - and she may never tell us....which is just fine. However after a visit with difficult child? She's over exhausted, and tired, and needs a hug or ten.


    Reaching out from SOUTH CAROLINA (I always feel like I'm in a Miss America pagent when I announce that don't you?) toooooo?

    elbow, elbow, wrist, wrist, touch my pearls and blow a kiss! I am so over the edge.

    REACHING OUT FROM SC and grabbing on to???
  2. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I'm joining the circle and hoping the issue is one that can be resolved or incorporated with-o too much anquish. From Florida I'm reaching out to ??? DDD
  3. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Smack dab in the middle of the country...

    Hope its a little bump.

    On to....
  4. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    Humungous gynormous huggers on their way!!!!!!
  5. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    Grabbing on from NJ and reaching out to....
  6. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Taking upallnight's hand from NJ and reaching out from Ohio to..............

  7. Estherfromjerusalem

    Estherfromjerusalem Well-Known Member

    Grabbing Hound dog's hand in Ohio, sending a hug from Jerusalem, and on to . . .
  8. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Toronto...reaching out to Jerusalem, taking Esther's hand

    Sending many hugs and barrels full of support.

    Reaching out to...
  9. keista

    keista New Member


    Sending giant ((((HUGS)))) and support.

    On to.....
  10. bby31288

    bby31288 Active Member

    Reaching out from New Orleans, hugs to you KLMNO on to...
  11. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    From right up the road.... sending all the good vibes I can ...
  12. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    ...and back across the country to Central CA, with lots of hugs, and on to...
  13. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    ....and back to the north in Minnesota with HUGE hugs and BROAD shoulders. Grabbing the hand in ......
  14. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    Reaching out from Tennessee ... sending lots of hugs and hoping that all your troubles are resolved soon. On to ...
  15. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    South Carolina...

    Sending (((hugs))) and support.

    Reaching out again to -
  16. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    The Midwest once more, grabbing on and reaching out to...
  17. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Wow, Ladies-thank you so much for thinking of me and sending so much support! I can't begin to express how much I appreciate it and how grateful I am to have you all as cyber-friends. I joined this board looking for solutions to help difficult child. As it turns out, I don't think I could have survived the last few years if I hadn't found this board.

    I just got home from a long day at work (not a bad day, just long) and have found an email from my mother wanting to know difficult child's "issues" and what kind of trouble he's been getting into over the past couple of years and sayinig she needs to know these things so she can figure out "appropriate things" to write him about and that she doesn't know what to write him about if she doesn't know these things. Well, personally, I think she doesn't know what to write him about because she hasn't even seen him in 3 years- she won't come up here to visit him. Secondly, she wouldn't know appropriate boundaries if they slapped her in the face and continuously snides them when I set them. Thirdly, giving my mother personal information is like handing an enemy a machine gun- not just for me but her antics sure never helped difficult child either. Sooo....

    I'll be finishing a beer (or two) reading a letter my mother sent to me to forward to difficult child, posting about the latest and greatest difficult child news in General, and emailing my mother back tonight. I've had a good night's sleep and a day at work to re-group and put things in better perspective, at least for myself. I can't help difficult child, I don't think. I'll fill you in, in a little while, in Geneeral.

    In the meantime- thank you all again so much!

    And, Starbie, HUGS right back at you!!

    ETA: PS If anyone wants to throw out an idea or two of what I should say in my response to my mother's email, feel free. I can't seem to think of a nice way to say "BS, I've asked you to stay out of it, you say you will and have told me you would since you admitted that your antics caused my half-bro to file for custody, yet every time it's time to respect that appropriate boundary, you start prying me and writing inuendos to difficult child that it's my fault but if you get the info you want, then you have a panic attack over it that you can't seem to handle until you've stirred up so much koi in my and difficult child's lives that we want even less to do with you."
    Last edited: Jul 11, 2011
  18. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    First, hugs! Second, cheers (I imagine you're enjoying a cold one right now!).

    Now, as for your mother. If it were me? I'd detach so completely and handle things radically different. I would no longer worry what she thinks. If you must reply, I'd do something like this:

    Dear Drama Mama,
    Thank you for your letter. It always feels good to receive letters inquiring into my life and accomplishments and about my work etc. I hope all is well with you and that you will let me know in future letters about the good things in your life. We all know how dreary it gets to repeat the same old tired endless conversations about peoples personal issues and life is too short. So anything new and wonderful happening in your world?
    difficult child of course has had problems and may always have his own personal struggles and not always make the best decisions. Right now he remains in the best place for him at this time and continues his very personal and very PRIVATE path of emotional growth. As much as we all love difficult child, his path is his own and really it is inappropriate for any of us to disect his actions or issues. He's doing what he needs to do to be happy and well and I wish nothing but good things for him in the future. The only thing that we can do in loving him is to give him space to get through his issues on his own and if he chooses to speak to us about his issues, that is now and always will be HIS decision and is appropriate conversation only when initiated by him, which frankly at this stage of his life anyhow, isn't really his "way". Your continued efforts to want to be there for him are very positive and good. If you can continue forward with upbeat cheerful letters without attempting to force him to discuss his private business, I assume he can only benefit from knowing he has unconditional love and support from you and THAT is something I can fully support. I hope that answers your inquiries regarding him and I'm certain that you can understand how just by virtue of being blood relatives it does not mean it is appropriate to disclose difficult children private issues on his behalf. A nice light approach to letter writing is more than welcome and I'm sure he'll look forward to letters written in that vein.
    You haven't asked but I thought you might like to know that work is good, house is good, I'm gardening (or whatever, just insert some meaningless but upbeat facts about your life, never once disclosing anything that is difficult, the idea here is light).
    Thank you again for your letter mom. I look forward to a continued correspondence based on positive letters where we can share the good things in our lives in healthy ways.

    Then, each and every time she writes the way she has been, respond just like the letter above. Each. And. Every. Time.

    Even if its getting under your skin? Don't let her know it! if you can't for whatever reason cut this broomhilda from your world, choose your approach. She doesn't ever have to get a response she's hoping for, it doesn't mean you have to worry about her getting uppity if you tell her off, which I doubt would help. And even if she gets more pointed in her letters and in your face in her letters demanding answers or information, continue to respond as above. Kill her with kindness (and non information! lol).

    That's how I would handle it but only you know your mother. Do what feels right for you and difficult child and what won't cause more needless drama from your mama. I'm off to general to read your other post. Hope that beer is cold and that you are unwinding!
  19. klmno

    klmno Active Member


    I like this idea!!

    One of the reasons (but by far, not the only one) that I'm so angry with my mother is that when difficult child was about to turn 11yo, my mother told difficult child that "he's getting big enough now that he doesn't have to listen to his mom- he could just tell her he'd do what he wanted because he's grown bigger". And it sure appears that difficult child heard that loud and clear, doesn't it? I heard it with my own ears- that's not something difficult child ever told me. He did tell me tho, that "once Nana told me she loved me better than she loves you, Mom". Gee, thanks. And where did he get a sense of entitlement and desire to manipulate?
  20. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Adding in my support and hugs as well. by the way, I love the letter as well:)