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Clarification talk with difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="Signorina" data-source="post: 608771"><p>Serenity prayer time and re read the "phrases to detach."</p><p></p><p>I know it's incredibly hard. I just opened my journal and I am copying and pasting the 10 Commandments for parenting your adult child. I realize your son is not asking for money to be self destructive - but I also don't want you to feel bad because you don't have money to give him. And while his "death talk" may seem rational to him, or he may want to turn it on you for actually believing his words (I mean really? He talks about suicidal tendencies or wishing ex dead and then gets mad at YOU for listening to him and believing the words from his mouth???) it's not "your fault" for having and holding higher standards.</p><p></p><p>Stay strong, dear friend</p><p></p><p>If you're enabling your adult child, Allison Bottke's "ten commandments" could help you break that negative pattern. </p><p>1. You shall take care of your own spiritual, mental, physical, emotional and financial health. </p><p>2. You shall remember to express love and attention to your spouse and other family members and friends in addition to your troubled adult child. </p><p>3. You shall not accept excuses. </p><p>4. You shall understand that a clear definition of right and wrong is imperative for a disciplined society. There is no room for gray. Don't make excuses for what you believe. </p><p>5. You shall make fact-based judgments without excuse, and feel okay doing so. </p><p>6. You shall uphold standards of behavior that protect your morals, values and integrity. </p><p>7. You shall give your adult child unconditional love and support without meddling and without money. </p><p>8. You shall listen to music and read books that will focus your mind on your HP. </p><p>9. You shall celebrate life and love as often as possible, even in times of trouble. </p><p>10. You shall consistently practice the six steps to SANITY: </p><p>S = Stop enabling, stop blaming yourself, and stop the flow of money </p><p>A = Assemble a support group </p><p>N = Nip excuses in the bud </p><p>I = Implement boundaries </p><p>T = Trust your instincts </p><p>Y = Yield everything to God.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Signorina, post: 608771"] Serenity prayer time and re read the "phrases to detach." I know it's incredibly hard. I just opened my journal and I am copying and pasting the 10 Commandments for parenting your adult child. I realize your son is not asking for money to be self destructive - but I also don't want you to feel bad because you don't have money to give him. And while his "death talk" may seem rational to him, or he may want to turn it on you for actually believing his words (I mean really? He talks about suicidal tendencies or wishing ex dead and then gets mad at YOU for listening to him and believing the words from his mouth???) it's not "your fault" for having and holding higher standards. Stay strong, dear friend If you're enabling your adult child, Allison Bottke's "ten commandments" could help you break that negative pattern. 1. You shall take care of your own spiritual, mental, physical, emotional and financial health. 2. You shall remember to express love and attention to your spouse and other family members and friends in addition to your troubled adult child. 3. You shall not accept excuses. 4. You shall understand that a clear definition of right and wrong is imperative for a disciplined society. There is no room for gray. Don't make excuses for what you believe. 5. You shall make fact-based judgments without excuse, and feel okay doing so. 6. You shall uphold standards of behavior that protect your morals, values and integrity. 7. You shall give your adult child unconditional love and support without meddling and without money. 8. You shall listen to music and read books that will focus your mind on your HP. 9. You shall celebrate life and love as often as possible, even in times of trouble. 10. You shall consistently practice the six steps to SANITY: S = Stop enabling, stop blaming yourself, and stop the flow of money A = Assemble a support group N = Nip excuses in the bud I = Implement boundaries T = Trust your instincts Y = Yield everything to God. [/QUOTE]
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