It feels like I read that book a million years ago when J was 5 or 6 years old. It's amazing how time flies. I'm simple though and only had an A basket and a B basket, which seemed to work fine on most days.
I divorced my son's father in California and while we were in court-ordered mediation, J's father requested there be no corporal punishment. Corporal punishment was never a problem. J's father had been physically abused as a child and didn't want that for J.
Since corporal punishment was never going to be an option, I had to think of other ways to creatively "punish" or re-train my son's way of thinking. My mind is foggy about everything that was in that book, but in hindsight and from the comments above, I must have learned quite a bit from it. Most of the way I handle things, even with my steps, is through consequences.
For example, when J stole a pack of gum from a store, I made him go back the store where he stole it from and tell the store manager. The store manager told him not to do it again, but didn't give him any other punishment. When the stealing didn't stop, I made J use a plastic see-through backpack for an entire school year. When that didn't solve his problem, I made him pick out which game system he was going to donate to charity and had him personally hand it over to the people there. That did the trick (to the best of my knowledge)!
The time J drew a map to our house on the front steps of the elementary school in orange marker, I made him scrub the steps with a bucket of soapy water and a brush until all the marker that could be washed off was. Then I made him write an apology letter to the principal.
Another time he injured a boy at a cub scout meeting so bad that the boy had to go the hospital for stitches. It was an accident, but I still made him write a letter to the boy apologizing.
Over time, J's behavior changed, and I had completely forgotten about that book and my baskets. So, a million years later, when I suddenly had to deal with SS10 and his issues, I felt like I knew I should be able to handle him but for some reason, I was missing something. It was my baskets! Reading this site reminded me of them, and I started to put the baskets into place again, and it has helped. Not perfect, but better. I also have been using more consequences with the steps, and I think that is helping as well. When SS10 cut up his second backpack this year because he wanted a new one, I made him buy it with his allowance. When he lost his bicycle helmet, I made him buy another one with his allowance. When he makes a colossal mess, I make him clean it up on his own. If he's gardening with me and won't stop shouting at me or telling me what to do, I send him back inside, which he hates because he wants to be gardening with me, but I won't tolerate being yelled at or bossed around. We still use time outs, especially when he is explosive and needs to calm down.
By the way, none of this is perfect, nor has anything been fixed. However, it has helped in small, incremental ways.
