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Parent Emeritus
Coming to a decision- temporary estrangement with family
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 675293" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi there. I hope things change. One thing I learned from my own critical mother was never to tell my adult kids anything about how they, in my opinion, should raise their kids. I dont agree with all they do,like I dont like dsycare for infants and one of my grands was put in it, but I never said a word. My grands are for me to enjoy, but for their parents to raise. That is how I see it. I am also quick to tell them hoe proud I am of their parenting. This is especially comforting to my daughter whose mother in law is forever trying to tell them what they are doing wrong. She lives close to them, but is now not allowed to visit unless her son is home to keep her in line. </p><p></p><p>I am not at all criticizing you. Just saying that I assume we didnt like our parents making negstive comments about our parenting, even if they meant well, and our grown kids dont usually like it either. I never give advice unless asked and then I am careful to stay positive. Perhaps telling them how to feed their child, even in a friendly way, was hurtful to one or both of them.</p><p></p><p>We cant change others one bit, but we can change how we interact with them. We can only control ourselves. That we can do.</p><p></p><p>My advice, and it may not be useful to you, is to lay back and wait. You cant make them let you see your grandchild but if you dont push in my opinion they may relax. But be careful abou.t being pushy. Not saying you are pushy. I dont know you. But if you are, your grown kids may avoid you.</p><p></p><p>It is nice you were close to your grandparents. I was very close to mine. But that doesnt mean the same dynamic will play out with your grown kids. It is up to them. But....you can choose to have a great life withvloved ones and friends who want your kindness in their lives. Thats what I have decided to do and its relaxing and serene.</p><p></p><p>I am so sorry for your hurting heart and hope things improve for you. I hope I did not seem harsh and if you disagree with me you can just choose to disregard. All of us are just human, walking our own life journey.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 675293, member: 1550"] Hi there. I hope things change. One thing I learned from my own critical mother was never to tell my adult kids anything about how they, in my opinion, should raise their kids. I dont agree with all they do,like I dont like dsycare for infants and one of my grands was put in it, but I never said a word. My grands are for me to enjoy, but for their parents to raise. That is how I see it. I am also quick to tell them hoe proud I am of their parenting. This is especially comforting to my daughter whose mother in law is forever trying to tell them what they are doing wrong. She lives close to them, but is now not allowed to visit unless her son is home to keep her in line. I am not at all criticizing you. Just saying that I assume we didnt like our parents making negstive comments about our parenting, even if they meant well, and our grown kids dont usually like it either. I never give advice unless asked and then I am careful to stay positive. Perhaps telling them how to feed their child, even in a friendly way, was hurtful to one or both of them. We cant change others one bit, but we can change how we interact with them. We can only control ourselves. That we can do. My advice, and it may not be useful to you, is to lay back and wait. You cant make them let you see your grandchild but if you dont push in my opinion they may relax. But be careful abou.t being pushy. Not saying you are pushy. I dont know you. But if you are, your grown kids may avoid you. It is nice you were close to your grandparents. I was very close to mine. But that doesnt mean the same dynamic will play out with your grown kids. It is up to them. But....you can choose to have a great life withvloved ones and friends who want your kindness in their lives. Thats what I have decided to do and its relaxing and serene. I am so sorry for your hurting heart and hope things improve for you. I hope I did not seem harsh and if you disagree with me you can just choose to disregard. All of us are just human, walking our own life journey. [/QUOTE]
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Coming to a decision- temporary estrangement with family
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