Communication break down

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by KC but no sunshine band, Nov 19, 2007.

  1. Good Monday morning,


    On Saturday I ran away for some much needed time alone. I drove for an hour and a half to a nearby city where I went for lunch. On the drive I had compiled a few thoughts so when I got to the restaurant, I was able to put on paper the thoughts that were rambling in my head. Then I proceeded to go :shopping:

    I found some great deals and searched out a few items that I hadn't been able to find. After a few hours away, I got back in my car and returned home. As I pulled into my driveway, my baby brother calls my cell phone to tell me that their newest addition has arrived and I'm an aunty again. This makes two little girlies for him and his wife now. Yay! I am thrilled!
    :bravo: :smile:

    When husband and I got into bed, I tried to start a conversation based on the thoughts I had put down on paper while out Saturday afternoon. I was able to voice things but husband was reserved and wouldn't open up so we said our good nights and that was it.

    Sunday started out kinda nasty. husband had spent the night on the couch due to the chainsaw like sounds disturbing his sleep.(I have been known to snore quite loudly) I awoke at 6:45 am and used the washroom. I returned to bed but within about 5 minutes, I heard difficult child get up. I quietly asked him what he was doing. He replied that he needed to use the washroom. I told him to do it quietly and return to bed. About another ten minutes had gone by when all of a sudden, I hear husband getting upset with difficult child. husband hasn't had enough sleep and is grouchy because difficult child is hungry and wanting in the kitchen. At any rate, nobody got any more rest at that point. difficult child had his breakfast and husband stormed around the house with a grouch on. :grrr:

    As part of his grouch routine, he told me that we would do whatever I wanted. I chose to go to church as we hadn't been to a service in a very long time. The message was beautiful and very fitting for what we have been going through lately. However, husband did not want to admit that he enjoyed it because he was still having his pout on. :sad:

    Leaving the church I asked husband if he would like to go shopping or do something to which he replied that he wanted to go home. I dropped him off at home and said I would run to the store to pick up a new water filter. While at the store, I took my time. When I returned home, husband was sleeping so difficult child and I had some lunch and sat quietly occupying our time on the computer so as not to wake husband and set him off again. When husband awoke, he was still being growly - making negative type of statements towards us but mainly me. After a little while of this, he chose to go for a drive in his car. When he returned, we had a long discussion - both of us cried -but, most importantly we were finally able to pinpoint what was happening. :whew:

    Believe it or not, very little of all of this has to do with difficult child. Amazingly, it has more to do with my job. Last year I decided I wanted to change my career. husband was very supportive and there were no problems at that time. :thumbsup:
    I started a career in car sales and was doing quite fine. I loved the industry - even with the huge learning curve. After getting a good start going, I chose to change dealerships. The change was a positive one - all the people where I work are great! After a couple of months, my boss said that I could work straight days! This was wonderful news! Over the course of the spring/summer, my sales grew - I was doing wonderfully! :bravo:
    In July/August, there was a change in the guard. One manager left and the one that came in to replace him wasn't nearly as easy to get along with. In fact, he has an attitude of - My way or the highway. This manager went out of his way to ensure that I was no longer allowed to work straight days and to make matters worse, he made it so that I had to transfer to a different dept. I complied and did what was asked of me. I returned to working the shift work, I returned to the new car sales dept. (lesser money than when I was working in the used car dept) :scared: Yesterday when husband and I were discussing all the problems, we discovered that the root of the issues we are facing are there because I went back to working shift work. When I am continually at the dealership during the evening hours, difficult child is constantly acting up and pressing husband's buttons. Then that's all I hear when I come home is how difficult child did this and difficult child did that. Meanwhile, husband thinks that he is the only one keeping up the house because he isn't aware of my contributions. Another element is that a few months ago, our landlord gave us notice to move. They are renovating our places so we have until the end of May. I went kinda loopy about having to buy a house. I put way too much pressure on myself and my husband. All this combined with no more pleasantries (please, thank you, etc...) Our house has become a crazy place and not a very pleasant environment. :thumbsdown:

    The solution - I am going to try and find a job that will allow me straight day shifts. My marriage is much too important to throw away for a career. As for a house? We may not buy right away. It depends on what the good Lord sends our way. However, I'm not going to stress over it or put a bunch of undue pressure on this family to do something that makes everyone miserable. If we have to continue renting, that is not a crime. I am only human and can only do so much.

    If you've read this far, thank you for listening. I apologize for being so winded.
  2. KFld

    KFld New Member

    Glad you were finally both able to communicate your needs and that you are willing to make the changes that you feel could save your marriage. That is wonderful.

    Maybe you and husband need to make a point of going on a monthly date or something just to talk.
  3. Star*

    Star* call 911

    I agree with Karen 100% - you guys NEED a date night.

    Good luck with the job hunting - I'm sure will find something very suitable and good for you!

  4. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Wow! You guys really handled that one! I agree with date night! Sounds like some structured "tlc" will handle husband and you as well!

  5. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Wow. Good for you!
    So sorry about your job. Especially when it went so well for so long. Sigh.
    I'm glad you started the conversation with-your husband and allowed it to fade off and allowed the time in between. Quite often, men have to process for a while.
    LOL about the grouchy attitude after church! Just like a difficult child!
    I also like that you are so independent and do your own thing with-o dragging your husband's attitude around in your head while you do your thing. That's not easy to do. (I'm still in training.)
    I love it when people make a plan and go for it.
    Good for you.