Completely at a loss!!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by wasnt_me331, Nov 2, 2009.

  1. wasnt_me331

    wasnt_me331 New Member

    I am new to this posting thing, but I don't really know what else to do. My difficult child 2 went to a therapist a while ago and she mentioned O.D.D. and when I read the symptoms or characteristics, I wanted to cry. Out of the 8 listed, my son fit 6 of them ... perfectly. There were 2 reasons I wanted to cry ... one was because it meant that I wasn't losing my mind and two because it meant I didn't have an out of control child that nobody could help. He is the most loving little boy ever, but has NO clue how to keep his anger in check.

    difficult child 1 was diagnosed with ADHD when she was about 5 yrs old and I can tell you now ... we knew something was up WAY before that. She's so pretty and so intelligent, but common sense isn't something that she's very good at. She makes such bad decisions and just isn't maturing like she should be at this point.

    difficult child 3 is the baby of the family and very volatile at times. I don't know what to do with her sometimes. She is constantly arguing or fighting with the other kids and it is progressively getting worse. The older ones are always going after her for something ... provoked or not.

    My other two easy child are my "angel" and my step-son. Both are really great kids and I am literally praying that they keep that up because the other 3 are making me a little crazy.

    I am really hoping that I am able to find some new friends on here that may be able to offer a little insight or guidance.
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi, and welcome. I'm sorry you are having a hard time and have to be here. I have some questions that will help all of us give you better direction/support.

    1/Which type of professional diagnosed your children? Have any of them seen a neuropsychologist? Have any of them been on medications and how did they affect them? Lastly, do you feel, in your gut, that their diagnosis is "it?"

    Just so that you know, many of us don't believe ODD is a stand alone diagnosis. That includes Dr. Chandler, who is the King of ODD. It rarely stands alone and in my opinion is unhelpful if you don't trudge on to find out what is causing the child's defiance. It can be anything from a childhood mood disorder to a form of high functioning autism (these are two big offenders that often get missed) to other issues. NeuroPsychs test from 6-10 hours and many of us feel that are the best diagnosticians.

    2/ Are there any psychiatric disorders or substance abuse issues on either side of your difficult child's biological family tree. Even if their father hasn't lived with them in forever, they still have half his genes and the disorders in his family can be passed alone. Substance abuse itself is a red flag for undiagnosed mood disorders, such as bipolar. So that matters.

    3/How was your children's early development? Did they speak on time? Did they make strong eye contact both with you and strangers? Did they play with toys appropriately? Any quirks such as repeating what they hear on television, flapping arms, making weird throat noises, seeming like they are not "all there" at times, freaking out during transitions, freaking out in noisy stores or around a lot of people, covering their ears for loud noises, and, in general, just being socially clueless and oblivious to social norms? How do they do in school? Any obsessive interests? Do they have friends?

    4/For the sixteen year old, any possible drug experimentation or drinking? Does she know how to socialize appropriately? Does she self-harm, like cut? What are her issues? She's getting older and needs to get help soon!

    Ok, that's it. Sorry for the nth degree, but the more we know, the more we can make good suggestions.

    You may want to do a signature, like I did below. That helps us remember every time you post.
  3. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Just adding in my welcome. MWM asked some good questions that will help us with making suggestions. Glad you found us; you have truly found a soft place to land and will receive much support here. Hugs.
  4. wasnt_me331

    wasnt_me331 New Member

    Wow! Let's see if I can get all of those questions answered for ya. LOL

    1. As far as the specialist that mentioned ODD in conjuction with difficult child 2, she was just a specialist that we saw for all of an hour and then I found someone else because my son didn't like her at all. I haven't taken him in to another specialist either.

    2. difficult child 1's biological father has a serious temper and did a few rounds with drugs when he was younger. I haven't seen him in 15 years, so I don't know what he's up to now. difficult child 2 difficult child 3 and easy child 2 all have the same father and he is a recovering alcoholic. My mother is also bi-polar.

    3. All 4 of my biological children developed right on time with everything. All 4 are very intelligent and have lots of friends. difficult child 1 has a ton of friends ... both girls and boys and gets along with everyone, but her grades definitely leave a lot to be desired. She doesn't seem to look beyond the next 5 minutes though. She is in danger of not graduating on time because she just doesn't seem to care about school at all. difficult child 2 excels in school and is on honor roll. He doesn't seem to have any outbursts at school, only at home. Plenty of friends as well. difficult child 3 is also doing very well in school and has friends, but not as many as the other kids, but she is still pretty young.

    4. difficult child 1 (the 16 yr old) unfortunately HAS experimented with drinking. She swears off drugs or anything of the sort, but apparently doesn't have a problem with the drinking. She got suspended from school for the last week of school for drinking while AT school. Where could she have possibly come up with the idea that doing something like that was OK?? She tells me that her friends prefer her WITHOUT her medication. (Vyvanse) They tell her that she isn't as much fun when she takes her pill, so she decided to drink so she can feel "free". What I try to explain to her is that they aren't real friends if they are going to encourage her to do things that will interfere with school and do things that can get her in trouble. Of course, I don't know what I'm talking about though because I'm just mom. One positive note is that she made the decision about a month ago to get baptized, which was a surprise, but I'm so very thrilled.

    I think that pretty much covers all of the questions. I am an open book, so I welcome all questions and advice.