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Substance Abuse
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 619501" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Jilly, stop the flow of money. That is the first step. And it's one of the hardest. A 20-year-old (almost) needs to be working full time if he is not in school. He is getting fired because he is making the choice not to follow the rules.</p><p></p><p>I know this is very upsetting---I have been there with my son, now 24. If you continue to enable him, he will learn that he doesn't have to stand up and be a man and take responsibility. I did that to my son, because I didn't know any better about what was really going on and because I kept thinking it was just a phase and he needed more time to grow up. I had a lot of things I told myself in my ignorance and despair.</p><p></p><p>But when I learned better, I started doing better.</p><p></p><p>Reading this site and all of the relevant forums will give you a consistent message and plan for dealing with your son and cutting short the time I took to "get it." </p><p></p><p>Only you can make the decisions you need to make. Only you can know what you can live with and when. </p><p></p><p>Only he can change his own life. You didn't cause it. You can't control it. You can't cure it. </p><p></p><p>Believe me. Getting out of the way and letting him take the consequences of his own choices right now is the best thing you can do for you and for him.</p><p></p><p>Once you get your mind going in that direction (and your heart and your actions and your voice) then you can start turning your energy and your focus back to your own life. That is where something good can happen.</p><p></p><p>Al-Anon is a great program to help you do that. I have worked the program for the past four years, and it has brought me incredible recovery from the disease of enabling and a lot of joy, peace and serenity. I am a much better and healthier person today.</p><p></p><p>Blessings and prayers for you and for your precious son today.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 619501, member: 17542"] Jilly, stop the flow of money. That is the first step. And it's one of the hardest. A 20-year-old (almost) needs to be working full time if he is not in school. He is getting fired because he is making the choice not to follow the rules. I know this is very upsetting---I have been there with my son, now 24. If you continue to enable him, he will learn that he doesn't have to stand up and be a man and take responsibility. I did that to my son, because I didn't know any better about what was really going on and because I kept thinking it was just a phase and he needed more time to grow up. I had a lot of things I told myself in my ignorance and despair. But when I learned better, I started doing better. Reading this site and all of the relevant forums will give you a consistent message and plan for dealing with your son and cutting short the time I took to "get it." Only you can make the decisions you need to make. Only you can know what you can live with and when. Only he can change his own life. You didn't cause it. You can't control it. You can't cure it. Believe me. Getting out of the way and letting him take the consequences of his own choices right now is the best thing you can do for you and for him. Once you get your mind going in that direction (and your heart and your actions and your voice) then you can start turning your energy and your focus back to your own life. That is where something good can happen. Al-Anon is a great program to help you do that. I have worked the program for the past four years, and it has brought me incredible recovery from the disease of enabling and a lot of joy, peace and serenity. I am a much better and healthier person today. Blessings and prayers for you and for your precious son today. [/QUOTE]
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