concern or not?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by crazymama30, Feb 10, 2010.

  1. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    The other night(Monday), husband was trying to get difficult child to eat dinner (I was not home). difficult child never eats much due to the daytrana but we try to get something into him. difficult child threw a fit, he was apparently sobbing and hysterical(I was not home) yelling and screaming that he was stupid, he hates himself, he just wants to die, etc etc.

    This is NOT his baseline nor does it happen frequently. It did however really upset husband who is now finally (knock on wood and doing nekkid chicken dance)doing well. I think it was maybe due to all the stimulation of the weekend, difficult child does not do well with that.

    He had a busy weekend. Saturday ran all over with husband shopping, and then stayed the night at a friends house and probably got way too little sleep. Sunday was Super Bowl--we had friends over,and then I let him stay up untill 9pm to finish his movie on Sunday night(my bad). His lights out time is usually 8:30.

    I am wanting opinions. Is this something I should be concerned about? Am I playing it down or is husband playing it up? My gut is saying that husband is just finally in a place mentally and emotionally where he can realize how difficult child is not normal and does not react like other kids, but I just want to be sure.

  2. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    CM, it is concerning anytime a child says he wants to die. That in and of itself is not "normal" (for lack of a better word). But I can't tell you the significance of this particular episode within the context of your difficult child's illness because I haven't lived it. What I do when I'm concerned about an episode like this is either email, fax or leave a voicemail for the psychiatrist in as objective language as possible (no editorializing) a description of what happened. And then I let the psychiatrist decide whether anything needs to change with treatment.

    I hope that helps. Hang in there.
  3. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    That does help sw, thanks. I will email psychiatrist and therapist (therapist sees difficult child so much more) and see what their take is. I generally try for objectivity when dealing with the docs for difficult child and husband, but it is hard sometimes.

    I think what I did not put in the original post that kinda bothers me is where husband goes with all this. He goes to the medications must be making him say it, it is the medications. If it was the medications wouldn't it happen more than once in a blue moon? It has happened before, but always when difficult child is overtired. I think husband's point of view comes from the fact that he just found relief from his own suicidal thoughts that he has had for as long as he can remember.

    I emailed psychiatrist and therapist with the info. I think that medication changes scare me, and anything that could possibly cause a medication change does too.
    Last edited: Feb 10, 2010
  4. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    From my reading of the episode, it was not the medications that caused the episode, but rather an overtired difficult child who couldn't cope with a frustrating situation. It is certainly a situation I saw with my son J at home before he went to Residential Treatment Center (RTC). Sometimes this type of situation requires a medication adjustment and sometimes this type of situation requires parent retraining (how not to push buttons around food) plus the teaching of new difficult child coping skills (buildup of frustration tolerance). It all depends upon how psychiatrist and therapist read the situation.
  5. pepperidge

    pepperidge New Member


    You have gotten good advice from SW.

    For what its worth, I think that husband is probably reacting to what difficult child is saying due to his own issues. How much is difficult child alone with husband? In addition to being overtired etc, perhaps you are his rock and maybe husband pushed a few buttons too that would have not been good to push.

    I would definitely tell therapist. But my own experience with my kids is that if he isn't saying that he wants to die on a regular basis it is probably more symptomatic of a kid that is just overtired. We as adults get to the point sometimes where we can't look at things rationally when we are overtired or stressed out. Kids can give voice to all these thoughts (ie I wish you were dead mom when they are mad at you which just reflects the emotion of the moment but doesn't mean they have any intent to carry it out). On the other hand, if he is saying this often it would at a minimum be symptomatic of some issues, though not necessarily suicidal intentions.

    At one point I had to say to my child --with a therapist's support that I was taking his talk about wanting to be dead seriously and take him to the hospital. Therapist was also pretty clear that his talk about wanting to be dead was more of a "my life sucks kind of thing" rather than a "I want to kill myself" thing so I didn't overreact. But we did go to work on the my life sucks issues.

    Hang in there. Glad husband is doing better.
  6. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member


    It's worth watching and SM gave you good advice regarding letting difficult child's docs know.

    If I were to give an opinion based just on what you've told us, I would venture a guess that the episode was brought on by overstimulation and being over tired. We know that his schedule was topsy turvey going into Monday. He may have worked really hard to hold himself together at school. We know, from your own words, that husband was trying to get him to eat when he didn't want to. We don't know if husband raised his voice, got into difficult child's face, or just asked one too many times for him to eat and difficult child just cracked. Sounds like everthing was in place for difficult child to blow.

    That's just my 2 cents worth.

  7. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    I emailed therapist and psychiatrist. psychiatrist said that he would "cautiously" say that it was due to being overtired, but deferred to therapist as she sees difficult child more and he wanted it brought up in therapy. therapist said that she agreed that it was probably brought on by being overtired and overstimulated, but added that apparently difficult child has been getting teased pretty badly at school but would not talk about it much, it was like pulling teeth to try to get details about it. She has a Mentos and Coke experiment she does to show kids what happens we keep things (our feelings) bottled up, how they can spill over and grow.

    difficult child does not say this on a regular basis, but has said it in the past and when he does it is when he is tired or somehow stressed.

    thanks for the opinions, it helped.