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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 373372" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Howdy! </p><p> </p><p>Don't think we've ever had a chance to speak before. I'm Star - long time listener. And you are pregnant huh? Well congratulations!!!! I suppose by the sound of your post that the shared joy of "oh honey guess what?" wasn't there with your husband. Do you think maybe it wasn't there with yourself and that's maybe a little of the problem too? </p><p> </p><p>I know at this point in my life or even 12 years ago okay let's even go back 19 years ago had I found out I was pregnant again it would have not been 'joyous, good, happy' or anything else that you see women dancing around happy and glowing who want a baby. Believe me it took me the better half of ohhhh I dunno 15, 16, 19 years to get over the first one. Not kidding - my body took a complete dive off the out of control end. I lost my shape, my teeth, and well other things just hang, and droop, and are not ever going to be right no matter how much I diet and exercise or pack it into a wonder bra or spanx. Then there are those hormones. Yeah....thinking back I was not a cheery, glowing pregnant woman. But enough about me. You---you are the one with the new little one...so lets concentrate on that. </p><p> </p><p>You have what now two other children? So it isn't like pregnancy is foreign to you - but we know all pregnancies are different. (yeah try convincing me of that after my first son) phooe......oh yeah back to you. </p><p>So IF you had 100% support from your husband would this be a good thing? For you? be honest with yourself. Do you think YOU would look forward to having another child for the next 18 years to raise and possibly contend with as either a easy child or difficult child? I mean honestly - the thought of that scared me, and maybe it does you too. Why wouldn't it? It's not like you can genetically engineer a child, but maybe in the back of your mind you keep thinking - WHAT IF? So ----what if it's all good? Let's just go with that for now. </p><p> </p><p>So if you had told your hubby, and he was happy, and you knew there was no chance of GFGness? Would the thought of carrying this child be better for you or still the same? </p><p> </p><p>Now in reality - You told your hubby, and forgive me I'm not familiar with his genetic make up - I've seen references to BiPolar (BP) disorder here and Passive Aggressive so I'm not certain if he is or isn't a difficult child himself - but if he IS??? And considering that someone said he's working two jobs currently? And not in any way blaming anyone for anything but I think the guy is probably feeling backed into a corner. House, wife, two kids, two jobs, daily stress - and then along comes #3? Yeah I can see where that would be overwhelming for anyone. So why would he say those things he did to hurt you? I can think of a lot of reasons, but the one you should be asking why to is him? And not RIGHT away either. </p><p> </p><p>I am in NO WAY condoning what he said or did. Was it awful? Yes. Was it hurtful? You bet. Did he mean for it to hurt? Well if he did? Bravo. Or is he a difficult child that just blurted out something to put as much distance between you and he so he could get time to think because he is immature and can't figure out anything better? Maybe? Did he say it to invoke a reaction from you that would lead to a separation? Well, if that's what he wanted? Shouldn't he just say what he means? I mean YOU know him - I don't. If he wanted out of your marriage - would he say - "I want out." or would he say something reflective like he did? </p><p> </p><p>Point being, and in total agreeance with the others - he wanted sex, sex leads to a baby, and birth control is never 100% effective. If it's the affair angle? Well go put yer big boy pants on and man up and ask - promise you if I was married with 2 kids and MY husband accused me of being pregnant with an affair child - well, after the child was born? I'd let him have the DNA results in the same jacket with the divorce papers. It wouldn't be my hormones talking either. </p><p> </p><p>At this point dear, you have a lot to consider for the next what 7 or 8 months ahead. You have of course, yourself and your health to consider, your other two children and now this child. (coochie coochie coo you pretty baby) - yeah Auntie Star gets a little googlie - so deal with it. You have living arrangements to think about and your job, time off, maternity leave, what happens if your husband STAYS in the picture and how that will affect your feelings towards him for the rest of your marriage and what happens if your husband does not STAY in the picture and how that affects you, and your children emotionally and financially for the rest of their lives. </p><p> </p><p>What kind of support system do you have currently in place? Financial support? Emotional support? Health support? </p><p> </p><p>I mean not to be flat - but if he decided to quit both jobs as disappear tomorrow - WHERE would that leave you? It could happen. It MAY NOT -----but if he's not just a little upset and out of sorts at the shocking news you both have to deal with - WHAT THEN? Thinking about it will help, PLANNING things will allow you to sleep better at night. Reaching your goals will ensure that things are going toward your plans. For you and all three of your children. </p><p> </p><p>I wish you the absolute best in health, love, decisions, guidance, prayer, peace and harmony....all of which you all are going to need bunches of. </p><p> </p><p>All my best - </p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 373372, member: 4964"] Howdy! Don't think we've ever had a chance to speak before. I'm Star - long time listener. And you are pregnant huh? Well congratulations!!!! I suppose by the sound of your post that the shared joy of "oh honey guess what?" wasn't there with your husband. Do you think maybe it wasn't there with yourself and that's maybe a little of the problem too? I know at this point in my life or even 12 years ago okay let's even go back 19 years ago had I found out I was pregnant again it would have not been 'joyous, good, happy' or anything else that you see women dancing around happy and glowing who want a baby. Believe me it took me the better half of ohhhh I dunno 15, 16, 19 years to get over the first one. Not kidding - my body took a complete dive off the out of control end. I lost my shape, my teeth, and well other things just hang, and droop, and are not ever going to be right no matter how much I diet and exercise or pack it into a wonder bra or spanx. Then there are those hormones. Yeah....thinking back I was not a cheery, glowing pregnant woman. But enough about me. You---you are the one with the new little one...so lets concentrate on that. You have what now two other children? So it isn't like pregnancy is foreign to you - but we know all pregnancies are different. (yeah try convincing me of that after my first son) phooe......oh yeah back to you. So IF you had 100% support from your husband would this be a good thing? For you? be honest with yourself. Do you think YOU would look forward to having another child for the next 18 years to raise and possibly contend with as either a easy child or difficult child? I mean honestly - the thought of that scared me, and maybe it does you too. Why wouldn't it? It's not like you can genetically engineer a child, but maybe in the back of your mind you keep thinking - WHAT IF? So ----what if it's all good? Let's just go with that for now. So if you had told your hubby, and he was happy, and you knew there was no chance of GFGness? Would the thought of carrying this child be better for you or still the same? Now in reality - You told your hubby, and forgive me I'm not familiar with his genetic make up - I've seen references to BiPolar (BP) disorder here and Passive Aggressive so I'm not certain if he is or isn't a difficult child himself - but if he IS??? And considering that someone said he's working two jobs currently? And not in any way blaming anyone for anything but I think the guy is probably feeling backed into a corner. House, wife, two kids, two jobs, daily stress - and then along comes #3? Yeah I can see where that would be overwhelming for anyone. So why would he say those things he did to hurt you? I can think of a lot of reasons, but the one you should be asking why to is him? And not RIGHT away either. I am in NO WAY condoning what he said or did. Was it awful? Yes. Was it hurtful? You bet. Did he mean for it to hurt? Well if he did? Bravo. Or is he a difficult child that just blurted out something to put as much distance between you and he so he could get time to think because he is immature and can't figure out anything better? Maybe? Did he say it to invoke a reaction from you that would lead to a separation? Well, if that's what he wanted? Shouldn't he just say what he means? I mean YOU know him - I don't. If he wanted out of your marriage - would he say - "I want out." or would he say something reflective like he did? Point being, and in total agreeance with the others - he wanted sex, sex leads to a baby, and birth control is never 100% effective. If it's the affair angle? Well go put yer big boy pants on and man up and ask - promise you if I was married with 2 kids and MY husband accused me of being pregnant with an affair child - well, after the child was born? I'd let him have the DNA results in the same jacket with the divorce papers. It wouldn't be my hormones talking either. At this point dear, you have a lot to consider for the next what 7 or 8 months ahead. You have of course, yourself and your health to consider, your other two children and now this child. (coochie coochie coo you pretty baby) - yeah Auntie Star gets a little googlie - so deal with it. You have living arrangements to think about and your job, time off, maternity leave, what happens if your husband STAYS in the picture and how that will affect your feelings towards him for the rest of your marriage and what happens if your husband does not STAY in the picture and how that affects you, and your children emotionally and financially for the rest of their lives. What kind of support system do you have currently in place? Financial support? Emotional support? Health support? I mean not to be flat - but if he decided to quit both jobs as disappear tomorrow - WHERE would that leave you? It could happen. It MAY NOT -----but if he's not just a little upset and out of sorts at the shocking news you both have to deal with - WHAT THEN? Thinking about it will help, PLANNING things will allow you to sleep better at night. Reaching your goals will ensure that things are going toward your plans. For you and all three of your children. I wish you the absolute best in health, love, decisions, guidance, prayer, peace and harmony....all of which you all are going to need bunches of. All my best - Star [/QUOTE]
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