Considering concept that difficult child really is a easy child afterall, no joke...

[Farmwife]

It is finally occuring to me why all the teachers and various adults who come into contact with difficult child think I am looney tunes. They all think he is such a pleasure and joy to work with. I constantly get compliments on how wonderful he is and it used to make me want to blow my top. No one seemed to understand what he was like at home.

Then yesterday that all changed.

A couple months ago I caught a kid joyriding in some area crops, had to do a dukes of hazard chase to get his license plate number. He could have been charged and had to pay for damages. In following weeks area folks have waited and waited for his parents to bring him by to apologize. FINALLY made it by.

This "normal" kid was a piece of filth. Couldn't give eye contact, couldn't even fake a sincere apology, kept chewing at and spitting his nails out mid conversation and kept checking his texts...all the while his Mom ignored it and the fact that we saved him from a criminal record and big bill. He was disrespectful and just plain nasty, to a stranger. *gasp* My difficult child would NEVER EVER try that, even he knows better.

Then I added up the list of qualities of some of difficult child's peers, so called "normal" kids.

One openly uses weed and is barely passing in school. IF his parents bothered monitoring his myspace page like I do with my difficult child they would know what he was up to. Maybe you can't stop them but you can certainly cut off allowance to make it harder, geez.

Another kid pretends he is an angel to his parents, good family by the way, just tired from work and life in general IYKWIM. He smokes weed and runs with some kids who huff from area air conditioners. Super dangerous but he isn't considered a difficult child by anyone besides me so far...

Another kid is a junior womanizer well on his way to teen parenthood or some std. This kid also has an ego the size of the grand canyon. Not especially a bad kid but not one you would be impressed with upon making his aquaintance.

The list goes on and on and on...Sure you have some disciplined bookish kids at this age but they are the rare exception.

I also realized that although my difficult child has a shopping list of "issues" he also has a shopping list of amazing qualities well beyond most kids his age. He is NEVER disrespectful outside of the home, He is a hard worker, farm work, work most grown men groan over. He knows how to apologize, look in someones eyes and has a good firm hand shake. He opens doors for ladies, knows how to say "excuse me", "thank you" and "you're welcome". IF we ever survive this teen difficult child thing he will be quite a man someday.

Now I know when teachers look at me like I am insane they are half right. My difficult child IS a difficult child but he is still heads above the rest of the "normal" kids. Maybe I should apologize for having expectations, strict rules and standards for my kiddo since it seems to be a foreign concept to so many "normal" families these days.

I also bet that if I let my difficult child run wild like all of his friends he would instantly turn easy child at home and difficult child everywhere else. So, in a twisted sort of way I would rather have it like I do already. (minus the aggression of course) In some odd way the things I fight so hard to instill in him have stuck, only in public.

*bangs head against wall*

 

[confuzzled]

when i stop and think about i find exactly what you just said.

6th graders with water bottles full of vodka.

same kids are sexually active.

destructive. thiefs. rude. obnoxious. downright mean. and the list goes on.

and a big red flag with my difficult child 2 was that she was overly polite. i kid you not.

in my world, difficult child or not, you darn well better BE polite, lol. and in my world, walk around with vodka and be sexually active at 11 would seriously, honestly, have such consequences i cant even imagine what i would do to my own kid. seriously.

and this is all in easy child world.

it does make me stop and think that life in gfgdom has its plusses too.

 

[DammitJanet]

Well my kid was an equal opportunity difficult child. My 3 year old granddaughter is headed in that same direction. My son called me on her first day of day care to tell me that she had a good day because she didnt hit anyone or cuss anyone out but she did throw her shoes because she hates wearing shoes...lol. Sigh.

Now all my boys, difficult child and difficult child/easy child...all knew how to basically behave in public when with us. They were polite in restaurants. They held doors open for women and helped older folks load groceries into their cars and put the buggies away. They allowed their elders to go before them in buffet lines. Sat at tables without creating scenes. This was instilled in them from toddlerhood. All we had to do was threaten going to the bathroom. They didnt want that because it meant they were getting their hiney's tanned. Down here, it is not uncommon to see grandma's with these thin little switches being carried everywhere they go...lol. Of course, grandma has 5or 6 youngins and they are all minding their manners too.

 

[smallworld]

You're kind of mixing apples and oranges.

My kids are very polite. That doesn't mean they don't have mental illnesses.

Only a child/adolescent psychiatrist can diagnose and treat a mental illness. It can take time and astute clinical observation to get there.

My son is a very complicated case. He went through many clinicians until we found a team in Utah who "got" him. Now he's thriving because he feels understood, respected and emotionally safe. That can make all the difference in the world.

I hope you are able to make some headway soon.

 

[Marguerite]

Smallworld, I don't think Farmwife is saying our kids don't have problems. But sometimes we focus only on the bad, and don't see that in there, we do have stuff to be very grateful for.

I can certainly relate - of course difficult child 3 has autism and I do sometimes worry how we're going to get him set up on a career path, but I can trust him to not use drugs, to not be running wild in the streets blowing up letterboxes, to not be part of a gang beating up other kids. We still have problems, but they are different ones. And given a choice - I think we are dealing with less uncertainty.

Marg