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Parent Emeritus
Contact with homeless son. Wants to visit and stay for couple of nights.
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 621885" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I think that you could require that he shower and wear clean clothes in your home, without criticizing his questionable lifestyle choice that seems fine to him and is ok as far as he isn't asking you to support him through it. But I am really dead set on: Your house, your rules. My house, my rules. Nobody smokes in my house. Period. You can't. Doesn't matter who you are. In fact, you don't smoke on my property. You can go to the sidewalk in front of my house. Now if I go to your house and know you smoke and it is allowed, I have no right whatsoever to act offended or to try to get anyone to stop smoking. I make a decision to visit you, I have decided to live with that smoke. Since that is not a decision I would ever make, a good neutral meeting place maybe outside where, if there is smoking at least it is not as suffocating is available to us.</p><p></p><p>There are ways to compromise and find solutions to tough problems if people are really interested in coming together. No relationship works if one gives 100% and the other gives nothing. That causes resentment.</p><p></p><p>You have to expect your grown son to meet you halfway and you and your family can maybe meet him halfway too. But...if he is in your house, he follows your rules. There is no compromising your values in your own home. It has to be elsewhere.</p><p></p><p>As always, and especially because I have been hardhanded here, I want to remind all readers that this is my own opinion and thoughts and ideas that nobody has to follow. Take what you like and leave the rest or leave it all. But this is how we usually handle things here. We also don't encourage drinking, have no alcohol, and will not be too tolerant of a drinker who is getting drunk on our property. But if we go to their house, we have decided we are going to handle the drunkenness. Not our house/not our rules/not our place to sit in judgment in a vocal way...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 621885, member: 1550"] I think that you could require that he shower and wear clean clothes in your home, without criticizing his questionable lifestyle choice that seems fine to him and is ok as far as he isn't asking you to support him through it. But I am really dead set on: Your house, your rules. My house, my rules. Nobody smokes in my house. Period. You can't. Doesn't matter who you are. In fact, you don't smoke on my property. You can go to the sidewalk in front of my house. Now if I go to your house and know you smoke and it is allowed, I have no right whatsoever to act offended or to try to get anyone to stop smoking. I make a decision to visit you, I have decided to live with that smoke. Since that is not a decision I would ever make, a good neutral meeting place maybe outside where, if there is smoking at least it is not as suffocating is available to us. There are ways to compromise and find solutions to tough problems if people are really interested in coming together. No relationship works if one gives 100% and the other gives nothing. That causes resentment. You have to expect your grown son to meet you halfway and you and your family can maybe meet him halfway too. But...if he is in your house, he follows your rules. There is no compromising your values in your own home. It has to be elsewhere. As always, and especially because I have been hardhanded here, I want to remind all readers that this is my own opinion and thoughts and ideas that nobody has to follow. Take what you like and leave the rest or leave it all. But this is how we usually handle things here. We also don't encourage drinking, have no alcohol, and will not be too tolerant of a drinker who is getting drunk on our property. But if we go to their house, we have decided we are going to handle the drunkenness. Not our house/not our rules/not our place to sit in judgment in a vocal way... [/QUOTE]
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Contact with homeless son. Wants to visit and stay for couple of nights.
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