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Coping with addicted, homeless adult daughter
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<blockquote data-quote="Dad34" data-source="post: 765032" data-attributes="member: 32757"><p>Hi New Leaf,</p><p>Your analogy is helpful, to stop "Reeling the Tapes" of happier times when our adult, addict children were young. It's good to be grateful for the time we had with them when they were children, but we can't stay stuck there if we want to live our best lives here in the present. There's an old 80's song that says "to the heart and mind, ignorance is kind; it's easy to pretend". Being stuck in the past is like trying to find comfort by pretending things are like they were then. But that only makes the present more difficult when reality comes back into focus or the next crisis slaps us in the face. I'm so glad we can find joy in what we had (and in other good things we have now), and that that joy can only be stolen from us by the present if we allow it. The choice is ours.</p><p></p><p>Amen to that. I need to remember this too, especially when the next crisis rears its ugly head. In the fog of war, it is easy to forget these lessons we've learned and share on this website, and insanity seems to be an accurate description of how I often felt when I continued to try and continued to fail. Prayer and "Let Go, Let God" is far better. </p><p></p><p>I think you are right, and I probably misspoke when I said I must accept her status as an addict. A more accurate word would be "detach". I must detach emotionally from the destructive consequences of her addiction, while accepting that I can't change her choices.</p><p></p><p>I'm sorry for your loss too. I didn't realize you had lost your husband. How hard that must have been. But I agree with your statements about grieving over the loss of our loved ones who are living vs those who were lost in death, and I appreciate your reminder that we as parents have the choice to get off the hellish roller coaster of fearing and being depressed over our addicted children's destructive choices, both past and potentially future.</p><p></p><p>Fearing the worst case scenarios almost destroyed me. I was sad and sometimes in despair about her situation and afraid of hearing the phone ring and hearing the next bad news. As I said earlier, it's so easy to slip back into that fearful mindset, and keeping free from it, or at least not being paralyzed by it, requires constant vigilance...thinking about good vs. bad, being grateful, praying, taking refuge in God.</p><p></p><p>Thanks again, New Leaf. Praying for your children and grandchildren.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Dad34, post: 765032, member: 32757"] Hi New Leaf, Your analogy is helpful, to stop "Reeling the Tapes" of happier times when our adult, addict children were young. It's good to be grateful for the time we had with them when they were children, but we can't stay stuck there if we want to live our best lives here in the present. There's an old 80's song that says "to the heart and mind, ignorance is kind; it's easy to pretend". Being stuck in the past is like trying to find comfort by pretending things are like they were then. But that only makes the present more difficult when reality comes back into focus or the next crisis slaps us in the face. I'm so glad we can find joy in what we had (and in other good things we have now), and that that joy can only be stolen from us by the present if we allow it. The choice is ours. Amen to that. I need to remember this too, especially when the next crisis rears its ugly head. In the fog of war, it is easy to forget these lessons we've learned and share on this website, and insanity seems to be an accurate description of how I often felt when I continued to try and continued to fail. Prayer and "Let Go, Let God" is far better. I think you are right, and I probably misspoke when I said I must accept her status as an addict. A more accurate word would be "detach". I must detach emotionally from the destructive consequences of her addiction, while accepting that I can't change her choices. I'm sorry for your loss too. I didn't realize you had lost your husband. How hard that must have been. But I agree with your statements about grieving over the loss of our loved ones who are living vs those who were lost in death, and I appreciate your reminder that we as parents have the choice to get off the hellish roller coaster of fearing and being depressed over our addicted children's destructive choices, both past and potentially future. Fearing the worst case scenarios almost destroyed me. I was sad and sometimes in despair about her situation and afraid of hearing the phone ring and hearing the next bad news. As I said earlier, it's so easy to slip back into that fearful mindset, and keeping free from it, or at least not being paralyzed by it, requires constant vigilance...thinking about good vs. bad, being grateful, praying, taking refuge in God. Thanks again, New Leaf. Praying for your children and grandchildren. [/QUOTE]
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