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General Parenting
Coping with the daily stress...how do you do it?
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<blockquote data-quote="hearts and roses" data-source="post: 313593" data-attributes="member: 2211"><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: royalblue">I did what everyone else has mentionedl; some days I drank too much, I took up smoking temporarily, I ate to soothe at times and I didn't even know I was doing that. I screamed and yelled, left the house for time outs, cried a lot, felt sorry for myself, my family and my difficult child, considered sending her away at times. You name it, I think we've all felt it.</span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: royalblue">Just when I really could not stand to be around her and had a difficult time thinking anything good about my dear difficult child, I gave up. I involuntarily surrendered and realized that part of my problem was trying to change her, trying to make her fit into my ideals of how she should 'be'. The I researched a bit about 'acceptance' and discovered that there was a large piece of difficult child's behavior that I had no control over no matter how hard I tried and I practiced acceptance. There is a way about my difficult child that will always be a part of her personality - no matter what I think of it - and I slowly learned to accept that part of her and let go of how I felt about it. As she grew older, *meaning this past year*, I also learned detachment from not only those behaviors but also of my having to take repsonsibility for HER actions. When she was still in school, I practiced that in regards to he completing her homework, etc., and subsequently she failed classes and had to attend summer school. Her problem, not mine. She had to pay me back for the cost of summer school and - ouch! - she didn't like that. Miraculously, she graduated. At my last PPT with her educators I told them that I was done - if they wanted her to graduate so badly, then they can hound her, I would not. That was the beginning of my detachment - without even realizing truly what I was doing, but knowing I was just plain old tired. And that worked out great - in fact, when I received the call telling me she would graduate, I cried with relief. She had made the turn she needed to make so she could get that piece of paper. Without me getting into it with her every night. Of course, the year following her graduation was he//, but a story for another time.</span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: royalblue">So, aside from the usual advice, which is to make sure you take time to nurture yourself and spend time around other healthy adults, let go a little. Accept a little. Let go and accept; Accept and let go. </span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: royalblue">And, depending on the age of your difficult child, override H's ruling about having him/her evaluated. If in your gut you think it may be helpful - do it. Having a definitive diagnosis helped me and helped H in the ways we disciplined and learned to understand a bit about our difficult child, and eventually, how to treat her medically. </span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: royalblue">Hugs and best of luck. </span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: royalblue">ps: My difficult child still upsets me at times, but at least now I don't feel responsible for her choices and actions. I hold her responsible to me for her place in our home, but that's it. Her life, not mine. Her consequences, not mine. </span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hearts and roses, post: 313593, member: 2211"] [SIZE=4][COLOR=royalblue]I did what everyone else has mentionedl; some days I drank too much, I took up smoking temporarily, I ate to soothe at times and I didn't even know I was doing that. I screamed and yelled, left the house for time outs, cried a lot, felt sorry for myself, my family and my difficult child, considered sending her away at times. You name it, I think we've all felt it.[/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][COLOR=royalblue]Just when I really could not stand to be around her and had a difficult time thinking anything good about my dear difficult child, I gave up. I involuntarily surrendered and realized that part of my problem was trying to change her, trying to make her fit into my ideals of how she should 'be'. The I researched a bit about 'acceptance' and discovered that there was a large piece of difficult child's behavior that I had no control over no matter how hard I tried and I practiced acceptance. There is a way about my difficult child that will always be a part of her personality - no matter what I think of it - and I slowly learned to accept that part of her and let go of how I felt about it. As she grew older, *meaning this past year*, I also learned detachment from not only those behaviors but also of my having to take repsonsibility for HER actions. When she was still in school, I practiced that in regards to he completing her homework, etc., and subsequently she failed classes and had to attend summer school. Her problem, not mine. She had to pay me back for the cost of summer school and - ouch! - she didn't like that. Miraculously, she graduated. At my last PPT with her educators I told them that I was done - if they wanted her to graduate so badly, then they can hound her, I would not. That was the beginning of my detachment - without even realizing truly what I was doing, but knowing I was just plain old tired. And that worked out great - in fact, when I received the call telling me she would graduate, I cried with relief. She had made the turn she needed to make so she could get that piece of paper. Without me getting into it with her every night. Of course, the year following her graduation was he//, but a story for another time.[/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][COLOR=royalblue]So, aside from the usual advice, which is to make sure you take time to nurture yourself and spend time around other healthy adults, let go a little. Accept a little. Let go and accept; Accept and let go. [/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][COLOR=royalblue]And, depending on the age of your difficult child, override H's ruling about having him/her evaluated. If in your gut you think it may be helpful - do it. Having a definitive diagnosis helped me and helped H in the ways we disciplined and learned to understand a bit about our difficult child, and eventually, how to treat her medically. [/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][COLOR=royalblue]Hugs and best of luck. [/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][COLOR=royalblue]ps: My difficult child still upsets me at times, but at least now I don't feel responsible for her choices and actions. I hold her responsible to me for her place in our home, but that's it. Her life, not mine. Her consequences, not mine. [/COLOR][/SIZE] [/QUOTE]
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