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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 747885" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>It would have been nice if Dad requested the psychiatric evaluation a couple of months ago. It's really on Dad, for waiting until this point, which will hold up son's release. I can totally understand why son is upset. And while the psychiatric report makes sense, it is wrong and insensitive of your ex to have waited to request this, so late in the game.</p><p></p><p>But son can want all he wants to call the shots, to determine where he lives and when, but ultimately he will have to accept that he does not have the power, to make this happen. Your son sounds like he is willful, and as Kathy says, is being well-served by the structure and containment of lockup. He does not at all sound like he is suffering, there. </p><p></p><p>Still, I think you are in an impossible position at the effect of both son and father. If there ever was a time when detachment was needed, it's this (have you read the article on detachment, on this site?)</p><p></p><p>You have no control here, what so ever. This is a battle of wills between your son and his father and you are a bystander. This standoff between them has been going on now without any movement by either of them for weeks and weeks and weeks. Maybe each of them is playing out the clock. Maybe Dad is just looking for ways to delay this, and son is too. Maybe son will ultimately never accept going to his father, who knows? And maybe Dad will have excuse after excuse--to delay this--so that it doesn't happen. Time will tell.</p><p></p><p>As I remember Dad was initially refusing to bring son home. Maybe this is his true position, but he is ashamed to admit it openly. He may be ambivalent. He may feel he should bring son home, but really not want to. And your son recognizes this. Your son sounds bright and strong.</p><p></p><p>Meanwhile you need to find a way to take care of yourself. I'm sorry you are in this tough, tough spot. No mother could easily tolerate what you've been going through.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 747885, member: 18958"] It would have been nice if Dad requested the psychiatric evaluation a couple of months ago. It's really on Dad, for waiting until this point, which will hold up son's release. I can totally understand why son is upset. And while the psychiatric report makes sense, it is wrong and insensitive of your ex to have waited to request this, so late in the game. But son can want all he wants to call the shots, to determine where he lives and when, but ultimately he will have to accept that he does not have the power, to make this happen. Your son sounds like he is willful, and as Kathy says, is being well-served by the structure and containment of lockup. He does not at all sound like he is suffering, there. Still, I think you are in an impossible position at the effect of both son and father. If there ever was a time when detachment was needed, it's this (have you read the article on detachment, on this site?) You have no control here, what so ever. This is a battle of wills between your son and his father and you are a bystander. This standoff between them has been going on now without any movement by either of them for weeks and weeks and weeks. Maybe each of them is playing out the clock. Maybe Dad is just looking for ways to delay this, and son is too. Maybe son will ultimately never accept going to his father, who knows? And maybe Dad will have excuse after excuse--to delay this--so that it doesn't happen. Time will tell. As I remember Dad was initially refusing to bring son home. Maybe this is his true position, but he is ashamed to admit it openly. He may be ambivalent. He may feel he should bring son home, but really not want to. And your son recognizes this. Your son sounds bright and strong. Meanwhile you need to find a way to take care of yourself. I'm sorry you are in this tough, tough spot. No mother could easily tolerate what you've been going through. [/QUOTE]
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