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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 621132" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Pas, I have had both well-meaning and uninformed people, as well as people who are in such pain and denial themselves, tell me I am wrong about what I am doing.</p><p></p><p>One of my dearest friends told me to NEVER let a public defender be in charge of my son's legal situation, no matter what, that all bad things would come from that and he would be lost. Her husband is an attorney and I am sure there are differences. But she doesn't understand detachment, tough love and recovery. She's never had to.</p><p></p><p>Sometimes I feel (maybe I imagine) my own family members being silent when they hear the latest about my difficult child, because they just aren't sure that this type of "harsh" treatment from me/his dad is necessary and helpful. they don't say that, they have been extremely supportive, but sometimes I **think**I hear that in their silence. Perhaps I am imaging it. I can't let that deter me because I can only be concerned about what I have learned, what I believe, and what I know---just for today. </p><p></p><p>Also my best friend, who is an enabler herself (another story), has had a hard, hard time with many of my positions about my son. She will readily say she could/would never be able to do the things I have done. And that's okay. Maybe those things would have been wrong for her.</p><p></p><p>Others have not walked the path we have walked. And we have not actually walked each other's path, although a similar one. </p><p></p><p>That is why we can't really give advice to other people. We can tell what we have done---our own experience---what we have learned, the mistakes we have made, the feelings we have felt---but we cannot know what another person should do or not do. </p><p></p><p>I have learned a lot about respect during these past few years. I used to think I knew best for other people. What arrogance that was! Now, today, I know that I sometimes don't even know what is best for myself. And figuring that out every single day is a full time job. </p><p></p><p>We who have been really good enablers are usually people pleasers as well. It's hard for us when we hear that people aren't happy with us and what we have said or done.</p><p></p><p>As we get stronger, we can understand it for what it is. They don't know. I am glad for them that they don't know. </p><p></p><p>We can only do what we believe is best, every day.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 621132, member: 17542"] Pas, I have had both well-meaning and uninformed people, as well as people who are in such pain and denial themselves, tell me I am wrong about what I am doing. One of my dearest friends told me to NEVER let a public defender be in charge of my son's legal situation, no matter what, that all bad things would come from that and he would be lost. Her husband is an attorney and I am sure there are differences. But she doesn't understand detachment, tough love and recovery. She's never had to. Sometimes I feel (maybe I imagine) my own family members being silent when they hear the latest about my difficult child, because they just aren't sure that this type of "harsh" treatment from me/his dad is necessary and helpful. they don't say that, they have been extremely supportive, but sometimes I **think**I hear that in their silence. Perhaps I am imaging it. I can't let that deter me because I can only be concerned about what I have learned, what I believe, and what I know---just for today. Also my best friend, who is an enabler herself (another story), has had a hard, hard time with many of my positions about my son. She will readily say she could/would never be able to do the things I have done. And that's okay. Maybe those things would have been wrong for her. Others have not walked the path we have walked. And we have not actually walked each other's path, although a similar one. That is why we can't really give advice to other people. We can tell what we have done---our own experience---what we have learned, the mistakes we have made, the feelings we have felt---but we cannot know what another person should do or not do. I have learned a lot about respect during these past few years. I used to think I knew best for other people. What arrogance that was! Now, today, I know that I sometimes don't even know what is best for myself. And figuring that out every single day is a full time job. We who have been really good enablers are usually people pleasers as well. It's hard for us when we hear that people aren't happy with us and what we have said or done. As we get stronger, we can understand it for what it is. They don't know. I am glad for them that they don't know. We can only do what we believe is best, every day. [/QUOTE]
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