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<blockquote data-quote="Calamity Jane" data-source="post: 545230" data-attributes="member: 13882"><p>Hi,</p><p>Sometimes, I think the isolation is partially to recharge our battery after the whirlwind of stress and negativity. That's perfectly fine for a while, but then you really need to go out, breathe, walk, see a movie, ride a bike, and just talk with a friend. Catch up on sleep. Your SO sounds very supportive, and that's wonderful, you're lucky. Treasure it, because life is short.</p><p>Now, about keeping your son on track when he gets out...you can only do so much. Remember, he is responsible for his actions, not you, so if he hasn't learned that lesson by now (you're not in jail with him, right? The judge didn't sentence you!) then when will he learn? Think positive, be encouraging, but he's a separate being from you, and he has to live with his choices, good and bad, just like everyone else. He's smart, I'm sure he has learned his lesson.</p><p>The hardest thing for difficult children coming out of these situations is the isolation from their former peer group. If they want to stay straight, they are going to have to deal with being alone most of the time in the beginning. From my difficult child's perspective, all his "good friends" know about his bad reputation, and they've moved on, although he's trying so hard to change. The "bad friends" are his only lifeline to peer interaction in this town, and hanging out with them will get him in trouble. So he has to be strong, deal with the boredom and isolation, and move beyond it to healthy relationships. This is what my difficult child is working on right now. It's so hard...he can't wait to go back to school in another city because there's literally NOTHING left for him here, except the friendship of troubled kids. A negative reputation, and 4 years of bad choices leave little options for hanging out with easy child friends from the past. So he's in sort of a "jail" right now, too, and I wonder if the other shoe is going to drop. If your son could line up a really good therapist and a job/school when he gets out, that would be great to keep him busy and future-focused.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Calamity Jane, post: 545230, member: 13882"] Hi, Sometimes, I think the isolation is partially to recharge our battery after the whirlwind of stress and negativity. That's perfectly fine for a while, but then you really need to go out, breathe, walk, see a movie, ride a bike, and just talk with a friend. Catch up on sleep. Your SO sounds very supportive, and that's wonderful, you're lucky. Treasure it, because life is short. Now, about keeping your son on track when he gets out...you can only do so much. Remember, he is responsible for his actions, not you, so if he hasn't learned that lesson by now (you're not in jail with him, right? The judge didn't sentence you!) then when will he learn? Think positive, be encouraging, but he's a separate being from you, and he has to live with his choices, good and bad, just like everyone else. He's smart, I'm sure he has learned his lesson. The hardest thing for difficult children coming out of these situations is the isolation from their former peer group. If they want to stay straight, they are going to have to deal with being alone most of the time in the beginning. From my difficult child's perspective, all his "good friends" know about his bad reputation, and they've moved on, although he's trying so hard to change. The "bad friends" are his only lifeline to peer interaction in this town, and hanging out with them will get him in trouble. So he has to be strong, deal with the boredom and isolation, and move beyond it to healthy relationships. This is what my difficult child is working on right now. It's so hard...he can't wait to go back to school in another city because there's literally NOTHING left for him here, except the friendship of troubled kids. A negative reputation, and 4 years of bad choices leave little options for hanging out with easy child friends from the past. So he's in sort of a "jail" right now, too, and I wonder if the other shoe is going to drop. If your son could line up a really good therapist and a job/school when he gets out, that would be great to keep him busy and future-focused. [/QUOTE]
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