I went to the hospital where difficult child is FREAKING out. He’s SO angry and so frustrated and says he wants to go back to jail rather than stay there. He feels like the staff are picking on him and I have to say that I agree that this is NOT the best place for him. Most of the people there are seriously mentally ill, and there is no one like him. There’s no one there for him to talk to and he can’t get away from them. His anger is radiating off of him. We got him to calm down and he agreed that he won’t call his probation officer or attorney until Wednesday.

Last night the phone rang at 10, it was difficult child freaking out again. He can’t wait until Wednesday, he wants to go to the jail, he wants anything to get out of there. I told him I would call his worker's boss today and tell him the situation but I know they won’t do anything. I told difficult child not to throw away his future. There’s nothing else I can do.

Here we go on the roller-coaster ride again. He’s 18, I can’t do anything and they probably won’t talk to me anyway. I’ll try, but I’m not going into rescue mode again.


New Member
Oh I'm so sorry!!!! It really must be awful if he'd rather be in jail.
Good for you not going into rescue mode. You have been there done that and it hasn't worked yet. I know he's angry and upset, but I hope he realizes that his life choices have caused this and can somehow find the strength to change.


Well-Known Member
I am sure you feel that you can't scrape up one more ounce of
energy to support your son through another crisis. Believe me I
understand completely. Wednesday night I had an evening alone at
home and I spent three hours just sobbing and telling the walls
that I just couldn't stand one more day etc. etc. I was able to
climb in bed and leave a note for husband and difficult child to please not wake
me up as I was very very tired.

I woke up yesterday with just enough extra energy to spend a few
hours trying to do what I could do to help easy child/difficult child. By noon I wished that I could leave work and come home and get back in bed
until this morning...not!

Why am I sharing this? I'm not trying to steal your thread, my
friend. I'm sincerely telling you I DO understand. BUT I also
understand that if you have to cry, scream, throw things, hide
under your pillows or can pull up enough strength
to call the SW at the facility and ask politely "is it possible that my son is in an environment that we all thought would be best for him but in fact may be frightening him more than the jail environment?" Tell her "I'm XX and I apologize for calling
you (fill in the blank..."since you have done so much before to
help our family" or "since I am sure you have stacks of file to
work on"...whatever that is sincere) BUT my son is calling and
sounds so sincerely frightened. Could you explain to me what
evaluations are being done? Is he on a new medication? Is he in a unit
where he is odd man out?"

Make a list of brief questions that you can ask. Do what you have to do to get yourself build up enough for an hour or two
more of being a Warrior Moma....then do it, my friend.

I know many will disagree and say don't intervene. I believe he
is a frightened vulnerable youngster who needs you to understand
his position so he can hear it from you. He trusts you. He no
doubt loves you. He is not well.

See what you can find out and see if it sounds therapeutic to you
from your persepective. If so, explain it to difficult child and tell him
truthfully "son, this is the best that is available so do your
best to take advantage of it". I love you but I can accept daily
telephone calls that are upsetting to both of us. Let's agree
on how many calls a week we will share and remember I will be
saying prayers and thinking of you every day." DDD
(((((((hugs)))))))) sending you all the strength and juju I can to help you get through this crisis...although I am impressed to see how well you are handling it yourself!!


Active Member
do what you can. accept what you cant. some of it is his own problem and he will have to deal with it. he is old enough. he can tell his doctor.
I love it Kitty, juju! I need some juju.

Apparently they put him on seroquel last night and he flipped out. They told me he slept most of today. I talked to him and he's still angry but seems resigned to his fate. They ARE trying to get him into a less restrictive program but of course, there is the bed availability issue.

This anger, I've never seen it before. Has it always been inside him? Is this what made him do the terrible thing? Did jail somehow make him angry with the world and unable to control it? I just don't know anymore and I don't have the energy to delve into it. I'm dealing with enough in my own life now.

His worker will be back from vacation on Monday and you can rest assured that I will be contacting him. This is NOT what they said it was going to be and I am VERY disappointed at being misled.

Argh. I know what you mean. Hide under the pillows. Here we go again. Sigh.


Well-Known Member
Two days under the pillows sound darn good to me! :smile:
Hang in there, my friend. DDD