Hi SeaGenie, so sorry for all of this, in reading your profile you have had a tough time of it from the get-go.
I have been down a similar road as the one you are traveling. We tried and tried to help, but it only turned into more ridiculous, selfish, destructive, disrespectful behavior.
Seems the more we tried to help, the more we got stepped on. Looking back now, I am thinking that it is more than a subliminal statement from our difficult children " If you are going to be my rug, I will tread on you."
I can't turn back the hands of time and change history, and I can't tell you what to do either, because each of us must ultimately make a decision in our own due time about how we will be treated.
We would not stand for the kind of disrespect our difficult children give us from anyone else. We would HAVE to stand up and defend our right to peaceful homes from strangers, would be robbers. In the years of dealing with my oldest Difficult Child, SHE became the stranger, the robber.
I wonder if I had kept my foot down, if that would be a different story today? If I had enough self-respect to stand my ground and not allow her to go through the revolving door (time to time living with us, then having to make her leave due to her choices), it would have forced her to grow up and make a living for herself, or not. The point is, as an adult, she had responsibilities. We stepped in as our parent heartstrings were yanked again and again, only to be figuratively spat upon, again and again.
I do hope that your son will wake up, but my dear, you are no longer his alarm clock.
Please take care! I think it is a great idea to turn his room into a craft room or whatever is useful and joyful for your purpose.
It is not easy to let go.
Reaching out here is a good thing, such understanding. Learning from others stories is very helpful.
Heres a quote I found helpful;
If you aren't being treated with LOVE & RESPECT, check your price tag. Maybe you've marked yourself down. It's you who tells people what you're worth. Get off the clearance rack and get behind the glass where they keep valuables.
