Thank GOD I have all of you people on here to turn to. These past few years have been gut wrenching. I've ready every one of the replies above and on other posts and everyone says to let my son be and let him figure it out.
My son is back in town today doing who knows what. He blew $300 on a hotel right down the street from my home. (Yes I checked his bank today and know exactly where he is staying). He blew hundreds over the weekend, got a bus ticket and came back here, got a hotel room and is eating at places in the area around here.
I'm blown away that he is back in town and has not called asking for his clothes, laptop or shoes, etc. He left early last week with very little - even his suitcase is here.
Regardless, it sickens me as to what he might doing and how he is wasting so much money. I will be blamed because I "kicked him out".
It's so hard, I miss him, I miss how he was before he got addicted to pot and alcohol. He's my son - I thought he'd grow up to make me proud and help me as I get older. I thought we'd always be close. I protected him, never missed a school function, did everything for him.
Here's what I need help with!!!! I keep bouncing back and forth between.... I get angry and tell myself I did the right thing by kicking him out, he needs to learn the hard way what life is about. Then I have these panic attacks thinking what if he suddenly died, I kicked him out, called him irresponsible, immature, etc.... told him never to come back unless he was employed or in school, that our relationship was ruined....
Last time I kicked him out he told everyone "My mom gave up on me". To hear that I was crushed. (Is that a trick to play on my guilt)?????
HELP!!! I'm feeling so awful, guilty, unsure, devastated.... what if something happens to him and this is how we left it?
But then I think - ungrateful little brat, he never appreciated anything, didn't respect me in my home, couldn't pay me a small amount of rent to help with expenses yet has blown hundreds on nonsense. How do I deal with all these conflicting feelings? At work today I was fine - I was busy and it kept my mind off things. Then at one point I even hoped he might contact me and say "Mom, I love you, I've screwed up big time, can I at least come by and pick up some clean clothes?".... but no. Not a peep.
And what makes this worse is my birthday is this week on Friday. My former boss (feeling so sorry for me and everything I've gone thru has rented me a condo down at the beach). He has been a father figure to me for over 25 years and has seen all the crap I've been thru. He's always been there for me. I don't even feel like going but I will.
I am trying to stay strong. I miss my son so much but this time, he has to learn the hard way he will never take advantage of me again. This is like death. I've lost everyone else - this just tops it all, my very own son.
I will stay strong, not contact him, try not to be obsessed with what he is doing. He's not worried about me so I have to stay focused on my life. I promise you guys I'm listening to you - I read you all loud and clear! It's just so friggin hard.
Oh and I am going to NOT contact his uncle, and stay out of the inheritance issue as recommended above. Detaching. It's hard, I want to save him from himself but that is enabling... not gonna do it.
