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crossed fingers, I'm taking a stand!
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<blockquote data-quote="LittleDudesMom" data-source="post: 251709" data-attributes="member: 805"><p>You know, I totally understand about getting to the point where the egg shell walking is not necessarily in difficult child's or the family's best interest. Been there (while trying my best to avoid a backslide).</p><p> </p><p>Not sure though getting everyone in the family together to talk to difficult child is the right move, in my opinion. I believe she will feel cornered, attacked, and react in a defensive manner. A better solution might be for you (or whoever has the best "calm" relationship with difficult child) to sit down, preferably in neutral territory, and speak with her about it. Choose a time when she is very calm and receptive. Perhaps choose a park or a place she enjoys to be.</p><p> </p><p>Let her know that you understand she is struggling. Verify that you see she has to work that much harder to maintain and be "good". You are proud when she makes the right choice and worried when she rages. You love her very, very much no matter what. </p><p> </p><p>Getting older and maturing while still "causing a rukus" is something that you worry about for her. She will need to learn that it's ok to be angry, annoyed, and frustrated, but it's not ok to blame others for it or to rage or have a fit.</p><p> </p><p>What I believe will really help you honey is challenging you to hold it together. It's past the time to make allowances for your behaviors that we not allow from your sister. From now on, for your benefit (speaking to your daughter still) your dad and I (don't mention sis because there may be some jealousy regarding her "goodness") are going to work with you when you are feeling angry and frustrated.</p><p> </p><p>Are there some things you think will help you? Is there a place you feel comfortable and safe? What about external things that will help you like a stress ball or a picture of a favorite pet (or whatever)? What does it feel like when you begin to get angry? (these questions may help her to vocalize what she is feeling - most of our difficult children can identify the building frustration and anger - it's a matter of teaching them the options once they are old enough to recognize and make other choices)</p><p> </p><p>I think involving her in the solution and going about it in a nonconfrontational and loving way will cause her less stress. Sometimes, with our difficult children, anxiety about expectations is a big trigger.</p><p> </p><p>Let us know what you decide to do and what her reaction was.</p><p> </p><p>Good luck.</p><p> </p><p>Sharon</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="LittleDudesMom, post: 251709, member: 805"] You know, I totally understand about getting to the point where the egg shell walking is not necessarily in difficult child's or the family's best interest. Been there (while trying my best to avoid a backslide). Not sure though getting everyone in the family together to talk to difficult child is the right move, in my opinion. I believe she will feel cornered, attacked, and react in a defensive manner. A better solution might be for you (or whoever has the best "calm" relationship with difficult child) to sit down, preferably in neutral territory, and speak with her about it. Choose a time when she is very calm and receptive. Perhaps choose a park or a place she enjoys to be. Let her know that you understand she is struggling. Verify that you see she has to work that much harder to maintain and be "good". You are proud when she makes the right choice and worried when she rages. You love her very, very much no matter what. Getting older and maturing while still "causing a rukus" is something that you worry about for her. She will need to learn that it's ok to be angry, annoyed, and frustrated, but it's not ok to blame others for it or to rage or have a fit. What I believe will really help you honey is challenging you to hold it together. It's past the time to make allowances for your behaviors that we not allow from your sister. From now on, for your benefit (speaking to your daughter still) your dad and I (don't mention sis because there may be some jealousy regarding her "goodness") are going to work with you when you are feeling angry and frustrated. Are there some things you think will help you? Is there a place you feel comfortable and safe? What about external things that will help you like a stress ball or a picture of a favorite pet (or whatever)? What does it feel like when you begin to get angry? (these questions may help her to vocalize what she is feeling - most of our difficult children can identify the building frustration and anger - it's a matter of teaching them the options once they are old enough to recognize and make other choices) I think involving her in the solution and going about it in a nonconfrontational and loving way will cause her less stress. Sometimes, with our difficult children, anxiety about expectations is a big trigger. Let us know what you decide to do and what her reaction was. Good luck. Sharon [/QUOTE]
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