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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 741070" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Copa you are so smart and wise. I see how smart you think. Damage control and high ground. I get it. I dont know that I could do it. You are a special lady.</p><p></p><p>I was more in Smithsmoms shoes. When my mom passed (and she was quite sick) she had brain cancer but had not acknowledged me for over a decade and she had ignored my kids. It never crossed my mind to take care of her. At all. My siblings did it although from a nursing home. I had mourned her years before. We were no longer connected. I</p><p></p><p>Smirhsmom my heart hurts for your very similar situation and I am sorry. I dont even consider myself an unintended part of my FOO. They are not of my soul and heart, any of them except my grandma and dad, both deceased.</p><p></p><p>My mom disinherited me. Her last eff you to me for whatever. I expected it. It still smarted. It no longer does.</p><p></p><p>I am screwing up the order of this post!!! Sorry but I have had no coffee yet! Apologize if my rambling makes no sense.</p><p></p><p> Back to Copa, M is so smart. Yes, daughter is being a martyr but she asked for this. That doesnt mean she is a great or bad person. She is in between. For now she is doing something very nice for her grandmother and she picked the role.</p><p></p><p> I dont know if there is or isnt anything in it for her, either financially or emotionally and neither matters. It is what it is, as my Dad said. She was of the RARE circumstance where being in her 30s she not only didnt have to work but obviously didnt want to work and she has a huge house and she can do this. And perhaps her kids are old enough for her to take this on.</p><p></p><p> Her daughter, the person who helped THIS daughter be this person who doesnt work in her 30s, can not do the same. But she doesnt deserve to be treated as if she is unimportant in this life. I would not stir the pot or confront her but I would mostly stay away and drop expectations. The daughter to me sounds as if she feels powerful. When people feel empowered they often belittle others. She is perhaps angry that something that is hard to do fell on her shoulders. But she volunteered. She didnt have to. That is no excuse to be mean to anybody.</p><p></p><p>This poster is not me and may chose to ride it out in this situation and stay engaged, which is her right and doesnt mean anything bad or good...it just is her choic</p><p></p><p>If I were this poster (and I remember that I am not) I would back off. I agree with that. Whoever is at fault and I think it is both but daughter isnt sick....the sweet woman here does not deserve this treatment by one or both.</p><p></p><p>Nice adults do what they offer to do do with grace, not haughtiness and abuse. Daughter KNOWS how she is treating her mom.</p><p></p><p>I vote go live your lifelthe best you can. Mom is being cared for and there is nothing anyone can do to determine how even our beloved kids and mothers treat us. But we can distance ourselves. We can be good to us.</p><p></p><p>Love and light. This is really up to the poster.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 741070, member: 1550"] Copa you are so smart and wise. I see how smart you think. Damage control and high ground. I get it. I dont know that I could do it. You are a special lady. I was more in Smithsmoms shoes. When my mom passed (and she was quite sick) she had brain cancer but had not acknowledged me for over a decade and she had ignored my kids. It never crossed my mind to take care of her. At all. My siblings did it although from a nursing home. I had mourned her years before. We were no longer connected. I Smirhsmom my heart hurts for your very similar situation and I am sorry. I dont even consider myself an unintended part of my FOO. They are not of my soul and heart, any of them except my grandma and dad, both deceased. My mom disinherited me. Her last eff you to me for whatever. I expected it. It still smarted. It no longer does. I am screwing up the order of this post!!! Sorry but I have had no coffee yet! Apologize if my rambling makes no sense. Back to Copa, M is so smart. Yes, daughter is being a martyr but she asked for this. That doesnt mean she is a great or bad person. She is in between. For now she is doing something very nice for her grandmother and she picked the role. I dont know if there is or isnt anything in it for her, either financially or emotionally and neither matters. It is what it is, as my Dad said. She was of the RARE circumstance where being in her 30s she not only didnt have to work but obviously didnt want to work and she has a huge house and she can do this. And perhaps her kids are old enough for her to take this on. Her daughter, the person who helped THIS daughter be this person who doesnt work in her 30s, can not do the same. But she doesnt deserve to be treated as if she is unimportant in this life. I would not stir the pot or confront her but I would mostly stay away and drop expectations. The daughter to me sounds as if she feels powerful. When people feel empowered they often belittle others. She is perhaps angry that something that is hard to do fell on her shoulders. But she volunteered. She didnt have to. That is no excuse to be mean to anybody. This poster is not me and may chose to ride it out in this situation and stay engaged, which is her right and doesnt mean anything bad or good...it just is her choic If I were this poster (and I remember that I am not) I would back off. I agree with that. Whoever is at fault and I think it is both but daughter isnt sick....the sweet woman here does not deserve this treatment by one or both. Nice adults do what they offer to do do with grace, not haughtiness and abuse. Daughter KNOWS how she is treating her mom. I vote go live your lifelthe best you can. Mom is being cared for and there is nothing anyone can do to determine how even our beloved kids and mothers treat us. But we can distance ourselves. We can be good to us. Love and light. This is really up to the poster. [/QUOTE]
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