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General Parenting
Cultivating Relationships with difficult children
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<blockquote data-quote="DaisyFace" data-source="post: 484527" data-attributes="member: 6546"><p>I don't think I am trying to build a relationship on "things"...</p><p></p><p>I have to actually take a step back here - because I don't how understand how all the stuff we do together is *not* relationship-building. The family spends a ton of time together. We eat dinner together most nights, we watch tv/movies together all the time, we go do family-style activities on the weekends, etc. We often try and split up to do guy stuff and girl stuff. PLUS I will take difficult child shopping or whatever...</p><p></p><p>but all of these things make difficult child upset. The dinner is not what she wanted. The show was not the one she wanted to see. The activity is not what she wanted. She doesn't want to be with just her Mom. Shopping stinks. etc etc etc</p><p></p><p>So according to our therapist, in order to "build a relationship" - we have to spend <em>even more time</em> with difficult child. And we must absolutely <em>bend over backwards</em> to make sure that difficult child is in full control over whatever we do.</p><p></p><p>And when difficult child is in control - it feels as though she uses that control to "punish" people. She doesn't want anyone to be involved with *her* stuff - she doesn't want anyone to know *her* business. But she's gonna make DARN sure that you know how much she hates whatever it is <em>you</em> like...</p><p></p><p>It always feels like such a lose-lose.</p><p></p><p>But, the therapist is sure that if we just spend enough time together....</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DaisyFace, post: 484527, member: 6546"] I don't think I am trying to build a relationship on "things"... I have to actually take a step back here - because I don't how understand how all the stuff we do together is *not* relationship-building. The family spends a ton of time together. We eat dinner together most nights, we watch tv/movies together all the time, we go do family-style activities on the weekends, etc. We often try and split up to do guy stuff and girl stuff. PLUS I will take difficult child shopping or whatever... but all of these things make difficult child upset. The dinner is not what she wanted. The show was not the one she wanted to see. The activity is not what she wanted. She doesn't want to be with just her Mom. Shopping stinks. etc etc etc So according to our therapist, in order to "build a relationship" - we have to spend [I]even more time[/I] with difficult child. And we must absolutely [I]bend over backwards[/I] to make sure that difficult child is in full control over whatever we do. And when difficult child is in control - it feels as though she uses that control to "punish" people. She doesn't want anyone to be involved with *her* stuff - she doesn't want anyone to know *her* business. But she's gonna make DARN sure that you know how much she hates whatever it is [I]you[/I] like... It always feels like such a lose-lose. But, the therapist is sure that if we just spend enough time together.... [/QUOTE]
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