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Family of Origin
"Dad, don't tell them anything about me anymore, even if I'm dying"
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 676815" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>It isn't only that we are fun to hurt, Serenity. It is that it is riveting, it is addictive, it is the purpose at the heart of the thing, for them to hurt <u>us</u>, <em>in particular.</em> Or, to hurt whoever their identified victim is, <em>in particular</em>. To the point that your sister convinced someone else to post here as herself. </p><p></p><p>How do these things even make sense.</p><p></p><p>I am thinking of the lady driver, here. I am thinking of "What would Cedar do?" And of how they laughed at that, and found it funny enough to share with me. </p><p></p><p>Which was a tolling of the plague bell, of course. </p><p></p><p>And I knew, like we always know. Alone. Signal that the alliance has been made and the victim chosen and the shunning, begun.</p><p></p><p>It was after that that my mother and I had the conversation is which she noted how funny it was that my sister and I were so jealous of one another <em>over her.</em></p><p></p><p>So we know the fulcrum.</p><p></p><p>This time, and maybe, every time.</p><p></p><p>***</p><p></p><p>Why the lady driver. Why destroy the reputation of the Greek Orthodox priest <em>to people who never knew him, who would never know him? </em>And yet, the lady driver too was targeted, used, ridiculed...but again, what is the win? Is it to solidify the alliance? That could be it. Do they never see the cheapness of the win? Do they never understand (or could it be that they have been hurt so often and so deeply themselves that they are blind to it) that the reason they are able to hurt is because the other person's past is filled with hurt, to begin with? </p><p></p><p>So, bullies, then.</p><p></p><p>We have all felt the lure of that, maybe. Or, the fear.</p><p></p><p>That is the living sickness at the hearts of our (of my, for sure) dysfunctional families of origin.</p><p></p><p>That is the essential imbalance; the banal, evil thing that is the fulcrum.</p><p></p><p>And you know, we could justify or rationalize or conclude there is a higher purpose or a reason...but I think Copa was right. </p><p></p><p>The banality of evil.</p><p></p><p>I think we will never unsee what we know.</p><p></p><p>And it turns out to be something not even worthy of fanfare.</p><p></p><p>Well, that's good, then.</p><p></p><p>On we go.</p><p></p><p>Added later: Or, could it be that every attack is an opportunity for us to heal, as we have done and are doing, here?</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>They were too clever to ever be accused, Copa. As always happens when we are confronted with evil, we do not believe it, at first. No one wants to think the worst thing could be true. Think of the months we have spent here, wondering about the win or any of a thousand other things because we just could not believe they meant it...even as it was happening to us in the Now. </p><p></p><p>And yet, until we can see the why behind their behaviors, we feel badly when we are shunned. Who would believe it, that our mothers would do, or even worse, would allow <em>she was supposed to protect you, Copa,</em> such things to a child. That is the evil thing at the heart of it. </p><p></p><p>I am so sorry any of this happened.</p><p></p><p>How awful for you.</p><p></p><p>And for your real father, too. </p><p></p><p>He was himself powerless to protect you. Do you know Copa, whether that may have been what destroyed him? I am thinking of the way your mother presented to you that your father was gone from the world. Of the way it was done. Calculated to hurt you and delivered, I am certain, to hurt with maximum impact. She bided her time; withheld information it was criminal of her to have held back.</p><p></p><p>The death of a father.</p><p></p><p>Even in that, she tried to hurt and de-legitimize, as my mother did too, with my father's death. As though his death mattered less than how things were going to be for her, now that his life no longer mattered. </p><p></p><p>The ashes need to be buried outside for now I think, Copa.</p><p></p><p>With all due honor, but a symbolic step taken.</p><p></p><p>***</p><p></p><p>Information regarding you as a child, and regarding her re-marriage, will have been given to your father in that same, calculated-to-destroy manner that your mother told you of your father's death.</p><p></p><p>The banality of evil.</p><p></p><p>And its tenacity.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 676815, member: 17461"] It isn't only that we are fun to hurt, Serenity. It is that it is riveting, it is addictive, it is the purpose at the heart of the thing, for them to hurt [U]us[/U], [I]in particular.[/I] Or, to hurt whoever their identified victim is, [I]in particular[/I]. To the point that your sister convinced someone else to post here as herself. How do these things even make sense. I am thinking of the lady driver, here. I am thinking of "What would Cedar do?" And of how they laughed at that, and found it funny enough to share with me. Which was a tolling of the plague bell, of course. And I knew, like we always know. Alone. Signal that the alliance has been made and the victim chosen and the shunning, begun. It was after that that my mother and I had the conversation is which she noted how funny it was that my sister and I were so jealous of one another [I]over her.[/I] So we know the fulcrum. This time, and maybe, every time. *** Why the lady driver. Why destroy the reputation of the Greek Orthodox priest [I]to people who never knew him, who would never know him? [/I]And yet, the lady driver too was targeted, used, ridiculed...but again, what is the win? Is it to solidify the alliance? That could be it. Do they never see the cheapness of the win? Do they never understand (or could it be that they have been hurt so often and so deeply themselves that they are blind to it) that the reason they are able to hurt is because the other person's past is filled with hurt, to begin with? So, bullies, then. We have all felt the lure of that, maybe. Or, the fear. That is the living sickness at the hearts of our (of my, for sure) dysfunctional families of origin. That is the essential imbalance; the banal, evil thing that is the fulcrum. And you know, we could justify or rationalize or conclude there is a higher purpose or a reason...but I think Copa was right. The banality of evil. I think we will never unsee what we know. And it turns out to be something not even worthy of fanfare. Well, that's good, then. On we go. Added later: Or, could it be that every attack is an opportunity for us to heal, as we have done and are doing, here? They were too clever to ever be accused, Copa. As always happens when we are confronted with evil, we do not believe it, at first. No one wants to think the worst thing could be true. Think of the months we have spent here, wondering about the win or any of a thousand other things because we just could not believe they meant it...even as it was happening to us in the Now. And yet, until we can see the why behind their behaviors, we feel badly when we are shunned. Who would believe it, that our mothers would do, or even worse, would allow [I]she was supposed to protect you, Copa,[/I] such things to a child. That is the evil thing at the heart of it. I am so sorry any of this happened. How awful for you. And for your real father, too. He was himself powerless to protect you. Do you know Copa, whether that may have been what destroyed him? I am thinking of the way your mother presented to you that your father was gone from the world. Of the way it was done. Calculated to hurt you and delivered, I am certain, to hurt with maximum impact. She bided her time; withheld information it was criminal of her to have held back. The death of a father. Even in that, she tried to hurt and de-legitimize, as my mother did too, with my father's death. As though his death mattered less than how things were going to be for her, now that his life no longer mattered. The ashes need to be buried outside for now I think, Copa. With all due honor, but a symbolic step taken. *** Information regarding you as a child, and regarding her re-marriage, will have been given to your father in that same, calculated-to-destroy manner that your mother told you of your father's death. The banality of evil. And its tenacity. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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