Dad not answering phone for two days...hadnot felt well...did a well check

Discussion in 'Family of Origin' started by SomewhereOutThere, Jan 22, 2016.

  1. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    So I'm waiting here nervously hoping it isn't the worst. It is NOT like my dad not to call me back, especially when I leave a message saying I'm worried. He had not been feeling well. My siblings would not tell me if something happened, I fear.

    I called the police for a well check. I hope I did the right thing. When I did that because I was worried about my brother, I was bashed for doing it. But I really need to know about my father.

    Do you feel I was hasty? My dad is 91 and if anything is wrong, I want and need to know...thanks, friends.
  2. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    No no no, not hasty, one never knows, especially at 91.
    Prayers going up, Serenity.
  3. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Two days? that isn't hasty. You didn't panic the first time he didn't answer and didn't call back. He doesn't seem to be the kind who goes gallivanting off on his own without telling anybody.

    You could also try phoning local hospitals there, and ask if he is there. As his daughter, they will normally tell you that much, and will connect you with the nursing station as well.
  4. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    I would do the same. I went looking for my mother on Tuesday because she did not answer her phone. Her cell phone was dead and she did not realize it. She wondered why people had not been calling her.
  5. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    It's not hasty, SWOT.

    An elderly, vulnerable person could be in distress.

    Better to err on the side of caution.

    If he is fine and gets upset, so be it.

    You will do the same next time.

  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Well, here's the whole ugly story.

    My sister drove my father to the hospital and did not tell me about it nor did she give me the privacy number so that I could get information about him. My brother seems to be the one in charge, according to the nurses and he didn't either. My father and me love one another, but this is just a very evil way to refuse to let me know how my father is doing. THEY are making this decision, not my father.

    After talking to my husband and therapist about what to do, I have a few choices. I can go down and say good-bye now because I doubt they will tell me if he passed on or funeral arrangements. I can't really do that now. Not unless he wants me to stay with him. That is an option and I will call him and ask about it. Furthermore, we all saw him at Christmas and I know he had fun and I did see him recently in person at that time.

    If you scroll further down and then further down again, you will see the other two paragraphs I wrote. Unfortunately, my computer seems to have hit a glitch and this post is spread far apart, but it's all there. I tried to fix it by bringing the print up, but found it impossible.The rest is here though. Just requires some serious scrolling down.

    But a more realistic solution for me is that Icontinue to call him every day and tell him I love him so that he knows how much I do. That's the important part...that he knows I love him. He has a golden child worship of Brother, like my mother did, and just doesn't believe brother would leave me out. I can't control him. Brother MAY leave me out. I can't control him. Sister is meaner than a witch and WILL leave me out. I can't control her. I can only control myself and I can call him and let him know I love him so that, when that sad day comes when he is no longer here, I will be certain he knew how much he meant to me.

    This dynamic is so weird that I don't even know if YOU people can understand it.

    But I wanted to put it out there.

    I can only do the best I can with the information that I have. If they want to shut me out of my father's death, which is not his wish, I can't stop them and he doesn't believe my brother would do it so talking about it won't help.

    I have done all I could. I spoke with father in hospital and will continue to do well checks if he doesn't answer his phone. The policeman was very nice and called around for me to find out where he is. So I spoke with him just a half an hour ago.

    I am g oing to do the things i normally do today as there is not one thing I can do to help my father. I wish there was.

    Thanks for listening. And, no, I am not exaggerating.
    Last edited: Jan 22, 2016
  7. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    We are thinking of you....
  8. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I know. I appreciate all of you. Thank you.
  9. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    OMG, I want to THROW UP, after reading this SWOT. I am so mad, I could spit. What is wrong with these people??????? UGH! UGH! UGH!
    No heart, whatsoever.

    SWOTS, sister, if you are reading this SHAME on you! At least put your sisters number on the list, so she can talk to the doctors.........

    Serenity, if you can talk to your Dad, HE can put your number on the list.......go from there.

    Peace to you, prayers for you and your chosen family,
    as for your FOO,
    shame on them...........

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  10. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Well, I'm not going to fight or put my dad under pressure now. I'm just going to go along with whatever. I am sick to my stomach.

    My dad has lung cancer. My tears won't quit. Yes, he's old, but you're never ready.

    I am thinking of going to Illinois for a bit.
  11. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Oh Serenity, I am so sorry. Mom has lung cancer as well.
    Found out right after dad passed.
    It is hard when a beloved parent is ill.
    My heart goes out to you.
    Take some time and think it through.
    We all will be by your side.
    You are loved here, Serenity.
    Special hugs and more hugs.
  12. okie girl

    okie girl Active Member

    (((Hugs))) prayers for you
  13. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    So sorry your family continues in this manner. Can you ask to speak to a social worker on staff at the hospital, and ask if she would ask your father about his preferences. I would think he could tell his preference and your siblings wouldn't even have to know.

    I hate that they are doing this... To him... And to you...

  14. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    My sister is going to call me about it. We'll see how it goes. We haven't spoken for two years, but this is not about her or about me or about whether or not we like one another. This is about our father and I am hoping it goes smoothly. I do not want to add drama to my father's illness. I do not think my father is in the mood for any sort of talk about the three of us; any reminder that we don't get along. He is devastated. I can't make that worse.
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  15. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    I am glad you found him, and that he was able to hear your voice, Serenity.

    We are here. Know that we care very much about you.

    We will be watching for your posts.

  16. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Thank you very much.