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<blockquote data-quote="keista" data-source="post: 451312" data-attributes="member: 11965"><p><strong>MuM</strong> That IS the dilemma of dealing with teen difficult children. Personally I flip back and forth on how I deal with this stuff. Generally depends on MY frustration levels. If I'm in a good place the kids get patience and understanding. If I'm tired and stressed, they get 'old fashioned' mom wrath. If one way works better for a particular situation, I'll continue dealing with it that way.</p><p></p><p><strong>ksm</strong>, Seems like she's carrying a lot of negativity. Have you tried/considered some sort of reward system, based on the traditional reward charts for younger kids. I'm envisioning something along the lines of a money jar (allowance type of thing) She starts off with X amount. For every negative comment, you take away a nickel (if you started with $1 she gets 20 of them!) Positive comments receive a nickel. Chores have values assigned to them, and she gets paid the value when it is COMPLETED. The big catch is that she gets to spend the money any way she wants. Yes, you can lecture her on the right things and wrong things to spend her money on, but she gets to ultimately decide, even if it's short shorts.</p><p></p><p>I have a similar system set up with my girls except for the negative/positive comments thing - I'd owe them a fortune because they are much more positive than negative at the moment. When we go shopping they ALWAYS end up asking for something. So I ask them if they have any money? NO? Then, no you can't have it. Short end of it is that they NEVER have any money. It very much depends on the child as to how well such an arrangement will work.</p><p></p><p>I have even resorting to punishing my kids when they get into 'complaining mode' Complaining is one thing, but usually the whining about it sets in as well. I give them fair warning that if I have to hear one more complaint, they are grounded (at least to their room so I don't have to hear it). I then make them come up with 2 positive things for each complaint as their "get out of jail" ticket.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="keista, post: 451312, member: 11965"] [B]MuM[/B] That IS the dilemma of dealing with teen difficult children. Personally I flip back and forth on how I deal with this stuff. Generally depends on MY frustration levels. If I'm in a good place the kids get patience and understanding. If I'm tired and stressed, they get 'old fashioned' mom wrath. If one way works better for a particular situation, I'll continue dealing with it that way. [B]ksm[/B], Seems like she's carrying a lot of negativity. Have you tried/considered some sort of reward system, based on the traditional reward charts for younger kids. I'm envisioning something along the lines of a money jar (allowance type of thing) She starts off with X amount. For every negative comment, you take away a nickel (if you started with $1 she gets 20 of them!) Positive comments receive a nickel. Chores have values assigned to them, and she gets paid the value when it is COMPLETED. The big catch is that she gets to spend the money any way she wants. Yes, you can lecture her on the right things and wrong things to spend her money on, but she gets to ultimately decide, even if it's short shorts. I have a similar system set up with my girls except for the negative/positive comments thing - I'd owe them a fortune because they are much more positive than negative at the moment. When we go shopping they ALWAYS end up asking for something. So I ask them if they have any money? NO? Then, no you can't have it. Short end of it is that they NEVER have any money. It very much depends on the child as to how well such an arrangement will work. I have even resorting to punishing my kids when they get into 'complaining mode' Complaining is one thing, but usually the whining about it sets in as well. I give them fair warning that if I have to hear one more complaint, they are grounded (at least to their room so I don't have to hear it). I then make them come up with 2 positive things for each complaint as their "get out of jail" ticket. [/QUOTE]
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