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<blockquote data-quote="sunxstone" data-source="post: 351242" data-attributes="member: 8297"><p>Susie, I've taken a lot from your post, thank you for replying!! The way we are approaching this is, difficult child claims he is almost an adult, so he should be treated like one. Except he doesn't want any of the responsibilities of an adult. So he will basically be earning a 'pay check' for daily things, is how we are looking at it. He wants pop tarts, or a new game to play? Totally earnable, but if he's completely defiant and oppositional, he's going to have less credits to spend on these things. They are there, but it's up to him to earn them. He has such a sense of entitlement. Other family members have played into it. If he decides he doesn't want dinner, or wants something after dinner, he calls up his grandmother who will rush things right over as if we're starving him. :/ </p><p></p><p>I woke up this morning thinking about those clear plastic painters tarps or covers? Going to look into those today. They would work I think for what we need to cover the carpet. Yeah, he smears and urinates when he's mad. We've had to throw out toys, books, his dresser, and now he's concentrating on one spot on the floor. On one hand I know he does it when he's mad, and on the other, I think its "I really like this show/movie, and I don't wanna get up to go to the bathroom". He did it with the easy child too until I moved their easy child into my room. We've tried hourly bathroom breaks but he fights me. I've thought of having him record everything on DVR and only watching things he can pause. </p><p></p><p>I've never heard of "justifying", I'm going to look into that, thank you! I do take away 'points' during the day - I give ask him nicely to stop (tormenting his sister, for example). If he still does it he gets a warning. If he continues I take 30 minutes of his easy child time away. easy child time is the only incentive he strives for. That's all he wants. Usually losing 30 minutes is enough to get him in line, other times he'll rage and end up losing more. Other than the big behaviors, I don't ride him on chores. I will ask him to do something, then walk away and drop it. I will check to see that he's done it, so if he asks for *anything* - easy child time, a snack, a soda, anything - "Yes, as soon as you finish what I asked you to do". So he's learned that he's gonna hafta do what I ask eventually. Same thing with the credits.. he may get bored with them, but if he wants his extras over love, shelter and food he's gotta get what we ask done. I think if we keep credits/prices the same and don't lower them we won't have too much trouble with him trying to negotiate.</p><p></p><p>We avoid casein at home. I tell the friends and neighbors, give the adults a hand out of what ingredients he can or can't have - then his friends give him chocolate or ice cream or something.. I send food with him, tell them make sure he just eats what I send, but they are 13 year old boys.. :/ I dont know if he's allergic to gluten. We had celiac testing done and it came back negative, but I want to get him completely re evaluated in California - psychologically, medically, allergy, everything. </p><p></p><p>difficult child is chronically impacted. The GI gets him cleared out with laxatives and 6 weeks later he's impacted again. It's behavioral, but no one seems to want to or be able to address it. We've had behavior therapists since he was 7 I think? And all of them have just gonna shrugged their shoulders. He's been phospitalized three times, and they didn't address it either. Just had him shower and change constantly.. </p><p></p><p>I like the idea of using credits to buy the cleaning materials!</p><p></p><p>Sorry this is so messy and rambly. I'm posting quickly between kids off to school. lol</p><p>Thanks for your help!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="sunxstone, post: 351242, member: 8297"] Susie, I've taken a lot from your post, thank you for replying!! The way we are approaching this is, difficult child claims he is almost an adult, so he should be treated like one. Except he doesn't want any of the responsibilities of an adult. So he will basically be earning a 'pay check' for daily things, is how we are looking at it. He wants pop tarts, or a new game to play? Totally earnable, but if he's completely defiant and oppositional, he's going to have less credits to spend on these things. They are there, but it's up to him to earn them. He has such a sense of entitlement. Other family members have played into it. If he decides he doesn't want dinner, or wants something after dinner, he calls up his grandmother who will rush things right over as if we're starving him. :/ I woke up this morning thinking about those clear plastic painters tarps or covers? Going to look into those today. They would work I think for what we need to cover the carpet. Yeah, he smears and urinates when he's mad. We've had to throw out toys, books, his dresser, and now he's concentrating on one spot on the floor. On one hand I know he does it when he's mad, and on the other, I think its "I really like this show/movie, and I don't wanna get up to go to the bathroom". He did it with the easy child too until I moved their easy child into my room. We've tried hourly bathroom breaks but he fights me. I've thought of having him record everything on DVR and only watching things he can pause. I've never heard of "justifying", I'm going to look into that, thank you! I do take away 'points' during the day - I give ask him nicely to stop (tormenting his sister, for example). If he still does it he gets a warning. If he continues I take 30 minutes of his easy child time away. easy child time is the only incentive he strives for. That's all he wants. Usually losing 30 minutes is enough to get him in line, other times he'll rage and end up losing more. Other than the big behaviors, I don't ride him on chores. I will ask him to do something, then walk away and drop it. I will check to see that he's done it, so if he asks for *anything* - easy child time, a snack, a soda, anything - "Yes, as soon as you finish what I asked you to do". So he's learned that he's gonna hafta do what I ask eventually. Same thing with the credits.. he may get bored with them, but if he wants his extras over love, shelter and food he's gotta get what we ask done. I think if we keep credits/prices the same and don't lower them we won't have too much trouble with him trying to negotiate. We avoid casein at home. I tell the friends and neighbors, give the adults a hand out of what ingredients he can or can't have - then his friends give him chocolate or ice cream or something.. I send food with him, tell them make sure he just eats what I send, but they are 13 year old boys.. :/ I dont know if he's allergic to gluten. We had celiac testing done and it came back negative, but I want to get him completely re evaluated in California - psychologically, medically, allergy, everything. difficult child is chronically impacted. The GI gets him cleared out with laxatives and 6 weeks later he's impacted again. It's behavioral, but no one seems to want to or be able to address it. We've had behavior therapists since he was 7 I think? And all of them have just gonna shrugged their shoulders. He's been phospitalized three times, and they didn't address it either. Just had him shower and change constantly.. I like the idea of using credits to buy the cleaning materials! Sorry this is so messy and rambly. I'm posting quickly between kids off to school. lol Thanks for your help! [/QUOTE]
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