Dammit Janet and the afghan

[Fran]

Janet, I didn't want to hi jack Steely's thread but your response really touched me. The use of the afghan as something you needed to do for yourself was so touching and dear that I had tears in my eyes. What a wonderful tool and life line. We all need a "woobie" to keep the ugliness of our thoughts away. Yours is so symbolic that it was really a wonderful use of coping on your part.

For me, I hope you never finish that afghan and it gets a big as a meadow. Besides, we still have not met for coffee.
If you hurt yourself I will come down there and shake you until your teeth rattle. There are so many people who love you and need you as well as how much you have grown since your early days here on the site. You aren't done cooking yet. Delayed doesn't mean it won't happen. I want to see you when you are all grown up. Many hugs. I will carry the image of you crocheting that afghan as a touchstone for myself when things seem bleak. I too, want to keep moving forward to do the things I want to do for myself.



"I havent gone through what you have so I cant pretend to understand your pain but I have been severely depressed. There was a time not long ago that I had decided that I was going to kill myself but there were a few things that I wanted to do before I left this world. None of them really had much to do with my family but they were more about things that I hadnt done that I wanted to do. One of them was that I wanted to crochet an afghan of all things. Yes I know how odd that sounds....lol.

Well I got yarn and I started working on my "suicide afghan". I am not a good crocheter and the only stitch I am very good at is the granny square so I made a huge multi-color square and kept making it bigger and bigger until it was the size of my King sized bed! When I thought it was big enough I never really tied it off and finished it. I just put it up in the closet. I figured that I still am not ready to finish that afghan and end it all quite yet. That afghan got me through the bad times and gave me something to focus on. I guess if I ever take it down and finish it I will know its my time to go. Thats actually a key phase with my therapist....that I am going to finish my afghan.

Find something mindless that you have always wanted to do but have never done...even if its small and stupid...and do it. Just fake it until you make it."

 

[klmno]

Well said, Fran! And I second her, Janet. You have helped me, and indirectly my difficult child, in several ways, several times. Don't ever give into those thoughts of hurting yourself- keep crocheting or think of something else that you've always wanted to do- like be there with and for Keyena while she is growing up! And remember, we need you here, too!!

The afghan was a great idea- and a very good story to share. I will keep it in mind...

 

[Lothlorien]

Don't ever finish it. Just start another and another. Make them for your family.

I make them and say prayers for whomever I am making them for, while doing the stiches. Just think how Keyana would feel when she got older, snuggling in an afghan that you made for her. I still have one that my grandmother made and I love it.

 

[KateM]

Janet, add me as one of your fans! I admire your wit, intelligence, and how you have faced your challenges , both personal and family.

I admire how you reach out to others, sharing your life experiences. You are an articulate, caring board /family member who gives so much to so many. And I love reading about your grandbabies!!

 

[Shari]

"fake it til you make it..." what a great way to describe it.

Here's something to add to your to-do list, Janet - can you teach me to crochet? My friend has a hat made of granny squares crocheted around beer can labels. I have about 10 friends who want one like it!

 

[DammitJanet]

Sniff sniff.

You know I just write this stuff out when I get to feeling it and never think about what I am saying...lol. I really hope I have gotten past that really dark period in my life but that is why I never tied off the afghan to finish it...I just crocheted a bunch of single stitches at the end so that I could pick it up again and keep on working on it if I ever needed to again. Maybe it would be a rug...lol. I think I would also find something else I also wanted to do...my own bucket list.

And Fran...you are on that list.

 

[Abbey]

Blankies are my favorite. I have 3 special ones. One afghan was made by an Aunt who died about 40 years ago. The second one was my by grandmother. The 3rd was made by my daughter (not an afghan, but yummy fleece).

I used to do a lot of needlepoint and loved it. Don't know when I'd have the time to do that now!!

Abbey

 

[TerryJ2]

Sigh. Thank you Janet and Fran. That is beautiful. So poignant. I am so lucky to know you all.

 

[susiestar]

Janet, what you wrote was beautiful. and true. I second Fran in coming down to shake you until your teeth rattle. By the time I am done you might even need dentures!!

When you make an afghan for someone, you can tell them to think of it as a hug from you. My mom used to send SO MANY items of clothing for my kids when we lived in Ohio. Each of them was a "hug from Grandma". The kids each have a blanket or stuffed animal that is their long term "hug from Grandma". I know it would mean as much to Hallie and Keyana as it means to my kids if you made a soft afghan for them.

Hugs to YOU!!

 

[tryinghard]

I too was touched by your story and cried.....
Maybe you can keep knitting them and give them away to a women's shelter.
Each time you knit one and give it away it can remind you of how you are special and make a difference to those around you!

 

[Steely]

Janet.........thank you.
You are an inspiration.
I wish I knew how to crochet, because I would make one per your suggestion. Maybe I should teach myself. None the less, the concept is amazing. For me it could be my book - or a section of my garden.
Thanks.

 

[KTMom91]

Thank you, Janet, for your wisdom.

 

[timer lady]

Janet & Fran.....thank you.

Those dark times are challenging, devastating, disheartening. Janet, finding a way to keep those dark thoughts at bay, the afghan, is wonderful.

I know I've used piano, painting & working on my never ending prayer shawl has gotten me through some very dark times. Especially the prayer shawl.....I started it for my mom when she we going through the chemo & didn't finish it in time before she died. I keep adding to it - I keep picking up another skein of yarn (amazing they keep carrying that same yarn) & add to it.

Janet, you keep on working on that afghan. If need be - make it into 2 or 3 of them. Don't let go of it.

 

[Star*]

Really? You can crochet?

Can I send you some yarn?

I would just like to have one home made blanket before I go - and I can't crochet or knit due to arthritis, carpal tunnel and 10 thumbs.

And besides if you EVER EVER left me - I would crochet you a hammock somehow and lay your bones in it and spend at least 10 years btiching at you. And THEN you will wish you had knitted or crocheted yourself some ear muffs. Cause I can go on and on and on.

- but I can make Koolaid.