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dangerous teasing
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<blockquote data-quote="Andy" data-source="post: 454229" data-attributes="member: 5096"><p>It is going to be hard to get easy child 1 to stop the teasing because difficult child 1 has taught her through his actions that that is how he interacts. She wants his attention so is going about it the same way he treats her - through teasing.</p><p></p><p>I would keep them seperated when it is not possible to supervise their interaction. You have a tough parenting situation on your hand since your 11 year old understands much more then the four year old but still most likely sees her as his equal. To him, she is a sister, not a young child much much younger than him. He has set her up for this behavior in his taunting of her. He can give it but can not take it (not that he should, but he does need to find some tools to use that will dimenish these times to a bare minimum). </p><p></p><p>Tell difficult child 1 that he is the much older person and needs to work hard in finding a solution to this. What can he do when he starts to feel annoyed or when the annoying action begans that he can do before he feels annoyed? At this point, it would most likely come to you. Or he can choose to go to a different room to go to?</p><p></p><p>Focus on getting him to handle the situation correctly and reward him for walking away and following the "plan". Make this a daily conversation with him. Start with checking in with him every hour, "How is it going? Has easy child 1's actions made you feel angry/annoyed? How did you handle it?" Takes a lot of time on your part but will help him feel that he has your support in making an effort to change.</p><p></p><p>Your four year old also needs to learn that this is inappropriate behavior. She can not tease her brother or anyone else. Come up with a plan for her also and share the plan with anyother care givers and teachers. I would bet that she will take this into the interactions of kids her own age at school and daycare. Adults will need to know to act quicker than normal when they see her involved in teasing - her brother has taught her that it is o.k. to go as far as intimination - she doesn't know any better at this point so needs help in seeing what her actions are doing and learning to stop.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Andy, post: 454229, member: 5096"] It is going to be hard to get easy child 1 to stop the teasing because difficult child 1 has taught her through his actions that that is how he interacts. She wants his attention so is going about it the same way he treats her - through teasing. I would keep them seperated when it is not possible to supervise their interaction. You have a tough parenting situation on your hand since your 11 year old understands much more then the four year old but still most likely sees her as his equal. To him, she is a sister, not a young child much much younger than him. He has set her up for this behavior in his taunting of her. He can give it but can not take it (not that he should, but he does need to find some tools to use that will dimenish these times to a bare minimum). Tell difficult child 1 that he is the much older person and needs to work hard in finding a solution to this. What can he do when he starts to feel annoyed or when the annoying action begans that he can do before he feels annoyed? At this point, it would most likely come to you. Or he can choose to go to a different room to go to? Focus on getting him to handle the situation correctly and reward him for walking away and following the "plan". Make this a daily conversation with him. Start with checking in with him every hour, "How is it going? Has easy child 1's actions made you feel angry/annoyed? How did you handle it?" Takes a lot of time on your part but will help him feel that he has your support in making an effort to change. Your four year old also needs to learn that this is inappropriate behavior. She can not tease her brother or anyone else. Come up with a plan for her also and share the plan with anyother care givers and teachers. I would bet that she will take this into the interactions of kids her own age at school and daycare. Adults will need to know to act quicker than normal when they see her involved in teasing - her brother has taught her that it is o.k. to go as far as intimination - she doesn't know any better at this point so needs help in seeing what her actions are doing and learning to stop. [/QUOTE]
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