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Substance Abuse
Daughter just taken to behavioral health
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 732732" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Hi SW, I am so sorry for this latest episode you have experienced with your daughter, for her mistreatment of herself, you, your family and your home.</p><p>It is so difficult to see our beloveds in this state, and to have the anger and violence pointed in our direction. I have similar memories with my two, outrageous and frightening incidences have occurred in my home, and hatefulness has been directed at me. It is a horrible thing for a mother to endure. </p><p>It sounds like you have a good handle on this, even though you are understandably drained and feel empty. Our adult children need to recognize that there is a problem and want solutions. I am hoping your daughter will be able to get help from the counselors too. I think that often times, as mothers, the issue is that rage and blame is projected our way, and our kids <em>can’t see past that</em>. At least that was how it was with my two. <em>Nothing</em> I said or did could get past that look in their eyes. I am so sorry, it is completely unnerving, heart wrenching and frustrating.</p><p> I know that awful despairing feeling. It happened each time my daughters left my home, <em>I had to turn them out due to unacceptable behavior</em>. They were disrespectful, fighting, partying like it was their job, and stealing from us. We had many go rounds with them coming back and having to leave again. Years slipped by. My three grands were born into this chaos. Their father sounds much like your daughters boyfriend, he can be quite charming, but definitely has mental health issues and is prone to rage when provoked, <em>or not</em>. The two seem drawn to one another like moths to a flame and their relationship has been fraught with increasing violent outbursts and drug use. They are not together at the moment, I have always felt their relationship was a toxic combination. I am hoping my daughter will find herself eventually. She is going to be 30 this fall, her sister, 39. </p><p>It has been a long hard road for all of us.</p><p></p><p>My daughters were never diagnosed, have not been to counseling (except Tornado- forced by CPS).</p><p></p><p>They slipped further and further into addiction, and denial that there is a problem with their choices.</p><p></p><p>So, when I read your post, I couldn’t help think that this is a <em>blessing</em> for your daughter, and your family.</p><p>Try to continue to find respite in the fact that you know where she is, the counselors may be able to reach her and help her find a better path.</p><p></p><p> My son was 14 at the time when Tornado pulled one of her infamous tirades that awoke me to the impossibility of my “fixing” her. I found him curled up on my bed, sobbing from the sheer audacity and frustration of years of focus on rescuing his siblings <em>who didn’t want saving</em>. The chaos in my home didn’t matter to them.</p><p>That day, I saw how much it was <em>eating</em> at him. I began to see how unfair it was for him, that our home was not his safe place, <em>his sanctuary.</em></p><p>I went to counseling, and also found a therapist for him. It was the start of me switching focus from trying to fix my two, to rebuilding myself, and bringing peace to my home. <em>Insisting</em> on peace in my home. At first, for his sake, then for mine as well. </p><p> Your daughter is where she needs to be. I went back and read a few of your posts from the past, you have been through so much. When our focus is so intent on finding solutions for our beloveds gone off the rails, we tend to neglect our own needs. Putting on the brave face, going through our daily regimens, often swallowing down the pain and suffering.</p><p>What we want most for our adult children, to care for themselves, we deny <em>ourselves</em>. Self care feels selfish. It’s not. It is so important, for all of us. As parents, we are our children’s first mentors, first examples.</p><p>I feel now that by taking steps to valuing ourselves, we are leading the way for our children.</p><p>When we take care of our spiritual, mental and physical well being, we are able to make healthy choices and the fog begins to clear.</p><p>It is possible to go from that desolate place, that emptiness, to hope.</p><p>With your daughter in a safe place, you have some time to work on yourself. Take the time you need to recover from this latest incident, rest when you need to, cry when you feel like it. Be very kind and gentle with yourself. This is the hardest stuff to go through, I understand. </p><p>Prayers going up that your daughter finds the answers she needs to embracing a healthier future and finding her full potential.</p><p>(((Hugs)))</p><p>Leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 732732, member: 19522"] Hi SW, I am so sorry for this latest episode you have experienced with your daughter, for her mistreatment of herself, you, your family and your home. It is so difficult to see our beloveds in this state, and to have the anger and violence pointed in our direction. I have similar memories with my two, outrageous and frightening incidences have occurred in my home, and hatefulness has been directed at me. It is a horrible thing for a mother to endure. It sounds like you have a good handle on this, even though you are understandably drained and feel empty. Our adult children need to recognize that there is a problem and want solutions. I am hoping your daughter will be able to get help from the counselors too. I think that often times, as mothers, the issue is that rage and blame is projected our way, and our kids [I]can’t see past that[/I]. At least that was how it was with my two. [I]Nothing[/I] I said or did could get past that look in their eyes. I am so sorry, it is completely unnerving, heart wrenching and frustrating. I know that awful despairing feeling. It happened each time my daughters left my home, [I]I had to turn them out due to unacceptable behavior[/I]. They were disrespectful, fighting, partying like it was their job, and stealing from us. We had many go rounds with them coming back and having to leave again. Years slipped by. My three grands were born into this chaos. Their father sounds much like your daughters boyfriend, he can be quite charming, but definitely has mental health issues and is prone to rage when provoked, [I]or not[/I]. The two seem drawn to one another like moths to a flame and their relationship has been fraught with increasing violent outbursts and drug use. They are not together at the moment, I have always felt their relationship was a toxic combination. I am hoping my daughter will find herself eventually. She is going to be 30 this fall, her sister, 39. It has been a long hard road for all of us. My daughters were never diagnosed, have not been to counseling (except Tornado- forced by CPS). They slipped further and further into addiction, and denial that there is a problem with their choices. So, when I read your post, I couldn’t help think that this is a [I]blessing[/I] for your daughter, and your family. Try to continue to find respite in the fact that you know where she is, the counselors may be able to reach her and help her find a better path. My son was 14 at the time when Tornado pulled one of her infamous tirades that awoke me to the impossibility of my “fixing” her. I found him curled up on my bed, sobbing from the sheer audacity and frustration of years of focus on rescuing his siblings [I]who didn’t want saving[/I]. The chaos in my home didn’t matter to them. That day, I saw how much it was [I]eating[/I] at him. I began to see how unfair it was for him, that our home was not his safe place, [I]his sanctuary.[/I] I went to counseling, and also found a therapist for him. It was the start of me switching focus from trying to fix my two, to rebuilding myself, and bringing peace to my home. [I]Insisting[/I] on peace in my home. At first, for his sake, then for mine as well. Your daughter is where she needs to be. I went back and read a few of your posts from the past, you have been through so much. When our focus is so intent on finding solutions for our beloveds gone off the rails, we tend to neglect our own needs. Putting on the brave face, going through our daily regimens, often swallowing down the pain and suffering. What we want most for our adult children, to care for themselves, we deny [I]ourselves[/I]. Self care feels selfish. It’s not. It is so important, for all of us. As parents, we are our children’s first mentors, first examples. I feel now that by taking steps to valuing ourselves, we are leading the way for our children. When we take care of our spiritual, mental and physical well being, we are able to make healthy choices and the fog begins to clear. It is possible to go from that desolate place, that emptiness, to hope. With your daughter in a safe place, you have some time to work on yourself. Take the time you need to recover from this latest incident, rest when you need to, cry when you feel like it. Be very kind and gentle with yourself. This is the hardest stuff to go through, I understand. Prayers going up that your daughter finds the answers she needs to embracing a healthier future and finding her full potential. (((Hugs))) Leafy [/QUOTE]
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