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Substance Abuse
Daughter just taken to behavioral health
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 732934" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Hi Sw. I guess we are stuck at wondering again. That is my lot with my two. I am sorry for the ache of it.</p><p>I had hoped that your daughter would stay and get the help she needs, but I suppose they can’t keep her if she is not willing?</p><p>My two are like your daughter, vague about their whereabouts, giving just enough information to keep the wheels spinning and worry to creep into my thoughts. So, I pray harder. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life imagining the terrible awfuls they may get themselves into. It is a waste of my energy and time, because they will do as they please no matter what I say, think or feel. They are definitely more tolerant to what I perceive as rock bottom.</p><p>In fact, they have drilled way past that in my opinion.</p><p>I have too. Drilled past rock bottom with all of the ups, downs and sideways of this. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life empty and exhausted from the emotional roller coaster. I had to find some way to get off. My two are running round in circles trying to find “themselves”, I was running around trying to save them. We were all in this crazy cyclical pattern. Someone had to stop and it wasn’t going to be them, so I had to.</p><p>I don’t know if I will ever know the answer to why my daughters have chosen to live as they do. There is no sit down and discuss. For them, drugs drive the bus and as long as they are under the influence there <em>is no reasoning with them</em>. I could say the sky is blue and it would be the wrong thing.</p><p>Sometimes I think they would come to us for help, a place to stay, and get tired and bored of living as we do, a “normal” life. It was as if they were resentful, rather than appreciative.</p><p>That’s what it was, <em>resentful entitlement</em>.</p><p> Like “Help me........you idiot, why are you helping me?”</p><p>Sigh.</p><p>A large serving of “It is what it is.”</p><p>A ten course dinner of it.</p><p>I don’t think people realize how impossible it is to talk with an adult child who just doesn’t want to hear anything you have to say.</p><p>It is frustrating, maddening and sad.</p><p> I am sorry for the pain of it.</p><p>You have done so much to try and help your daughter. It is up to her to figure out how she wants to navigate this world. That is a hard pill to swallow when their lives are such a train wreck. But, it really isn’t our bitter medicine, it’s theirs. Their choices, their consequences. Pulling away from feeling the repercussions of their lifestyle is not easy, but the more you practice understanding that you didn’t cause this, can’t cure it or control it, the more you can start to switch focus on what you <em>can control</em>, that is how you allow yourself to react. Your life matters, you have raised your daughter has best you can, given her the tools to live well, if she chooses. It is my hope that our daughters will realize their full potential one day. Throwing our lives by the wayside until that happens does nothing for any of us. Finding new ways to deal with the circumstances our adult children get themselves in to is a work in progress. There is a way to cope and grow and learn to grab your life back. It happened for me, when I realized that I am not the one to fix my two. I can pray for them and hope they learn to choose differently. After so many years of giving and trying things that don’t work,<em> I had to learn to choose differently. </em>I choose peace of mind and stability, protecting the sanctuary of my home, rejecting the drama and chaos. I love my two, but won’t confuse that love with sacrificing my own peace of heart and mind to desperately try to save them. They have to want better. I want better for them and myself and my son.</p><p>Hopefully one day, they will figure it out.</p><p>I hope you can work at finding your peace.</p><p>You are worth the effort.</p><p>(((Hugs)))</p><p>Leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 732934, member: 19522"] Hi Sw. I guess we are stuck at wondering again. That is my lot with my two. I am sorry for the ache of it. I had hoped that your daughter would stay and get the help she needs, but I suppose they can’t keep her if she is not willing? My two are like your daughter, vague about their whereabouts, giving just enough information to keep the wheels spinning and worry to creep into my thoughts. So, I pray harder. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life imagining the terrible awfuls they may get themselves into. It is a waste of my energy and time, because they will do as they please no matter what I say, think or feel. They are definitely more tolerant to what I perceive as rock bottom. In fact, they have drilled way past that in my opinion. I have too. Drilled past rock bottom with all of the ups, downs and sideways of this. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life empty and exhausted from the emotional roller coaster. I had to find some way to get off. My two are running round in circles trying to find “themselves”, I was running around trying to save them. We were all in this crazy cyclical pattern. Someone had to stop and it wasn’t going to be them, so I had to. I don’t know if I will ever know the answer to why my daughters have chosen to live as they do. There is no sit down and discuss. For them, drugs drive the bus and as long as they are under the influence there [I]is no reasoning with them[/I]. I could say the sky is blue and it would be the wrong thing. Sometimes I think they would come to us for help, a place to stay, and get tired and bored of living as we do, a “normal” life. It was as if they were resentful, rather than appreciative. That’s what it was, [I]resentful entitlement[/I]. Like “Help me........you idiot, why are you helping me?” Sigh. A large serving of “It is what it is.” A ten course dinner of it. I don’t think people realize how impossible it is to talk with an adult child who just doesn’t want to hear anything you have to say. It is frustrating, maddening and sad. I am sorry for the pain of it. You have done so much to try and help your daughter. It is up to her to figure out how she wants to navigate this world. That is a hard pill to swallow when their lives are such a train wreck. But, it really isn’t our bitter medicine, it’s theirs. Their choices, their consequences. Pulling away from feeling the repercussions of their lifestyle is not easy, but the more you practice understanding that you didn’t cause this, can’t cure it or control it, the more you can start to switch focus on what you [I]can control[/I], that is how you allow yourself to react. Your life matters, you have raised your daughter has best you can, given her the tools to live well, if she chooses. It is my hope that our daughters will realize their full potential one day. Throwing our lives by the wayside until that happens does nothing for any of us. Finding new ways to deal with the circumstances our adult children get themselves in to is a work in progress. There is a way to cope and grow and learn to grab your life back. It happened for me, when I realized that I am not the one to fix my two. I can pray for them and hope they learn to choose differently. After so many years of giving and trying things that don’t work,[I] I had to learn to choose differently. [/I]I choose peace of mind and stability, protecting the sanctuary of my home, rejecting the drama and chaos. I love my two, but won’t confuse that love with sacrificing my own peace of heart and mind to desperately try to save them. They have to want better. I want better for them and myself and my son. Hopefully one day, they will figure it out. I hope you can work at finding your peace. You are worth the effort. (((Hugs))) Leafy [/QUOTE]
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