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Substance Abuse
Daughter just taken to behavioral health
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<blockquote data-quote="strangeworld" data-source="post: 733201" data-attributes="member: 22313"><p>Thank you again for your words of wisdom. Sorry if I don't respond to individual posts on this thread...I find it difficult to know what I am doing when I try to cut and paste, etc. I appreciate your compassion. And.....some of the words are hard to hear I will admit - they sting. Because it points to my inaction - inability to do the right thing. My first reaction is to become defensive but that's no use - I will just say, while it's not an excuse, it's so hard being strong when your heart is broken. I'm not angry any more. I have forgiven her. I have too much empathy. Too much compassion. Where is that compassion for myself though? I'm trying to tell myself it's okay to be weak right now. You don't have to figure it all out right now. But society tells us to be strong - set boundaries - let go of toxic people even if they are family. How do you do that without losing a chunk of your soul? I just don't get it - I'm not there yet. It might take a long time for me - and I just want someone to tell me it's okay - that I'm okay. It's okay to take a while to get there. I need to find something that makes me happy again...this has really become too much of a focus in our lives. So much so that I have really neglected my needs and desires. Simple things is where I'm starting...enjoying little things in our life that are wholesome and light. Like tending to the garden...cooking interesting meals. Things that take my mind off the toxicity of this. We forget that there is wholesomeness in this world still. </p><p></p><p>I have a hard time communicating with my daughter - so many episodes of her verbal abuse have really caused me to shut down around her (therapist told me "and that's the PTSD"....what?). I find it easier to text my responses or write it out.</p><p>My son was not home when this happened - daughter gets very little attention actually. Our house is not a war zone like it used to be back in her early teen years of practical daily meltdowns over anything and everything. It has not happened since last July (when my husband and son were on a backpacking trip actually - so again, not home). I am sure he feels sad about his sister. He seems grounded though. We talk about things sometimes and I like to check in with his emotions - hard to tell sometimes. </p><p>AS for boyfriend...I don't know him at all. Just know that he has moved back with parents and family and is taking steps he needs to fulfill his obligations with the probation. He is definitely not mature. He is on medication again thankfully (depending on whether it helps or not). I know that he wrote us a 3 page letter from jail mainly concerned for my daughter which I found at least to be a caring gesture. I have met his parents who are very kind hearted people...big family. I know this broke their hearts too. I can't say anything bad about this guy to my daughter or it might alienate her(emotionally) from us even more. I did tell her that while he is doing his stuff to get his life together, wouldn't it be great if she could do something too to better herself...and contribute something to the relationship. She didn't respond.</p><p></p><p>Thanks for letting me vent...and thanks for your real and honest help. I'm sorry for all of our troubles and pray that there is healing and enlightenment for all of us.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="strangeworld, post: 733201, member: 22313"] Thank you again for your words of wisdom. Sorry if I don't respond to individual posts on this thread...I find it difficult to know what I am doing when I try to cut and paste, etc. I appreciate your compassion. And.....some of the words are hard to hear I will admit - they sting. Because it points to my inaction - inability to do the right thing. My first reaction is to become defensive but that's no use - I will just say, while it's not an excuse, it's so hard being strong when your heart is broken. I'm not angry any more. I have forgiven her. I have too much empathy. Too much compassion. Where is that compassion for myself though? I'm trying to tell myself it's okay to be weak right now. You don't have to figure it all out right now. But society tells us to be strong - set boundaries - let go of toxic people even if they are family. How do you do that without losing a chunk of your soul? I just don't get it - I'm not there yet. It might take a long time for me - and I just want someone to tell me it's okay - that I'm okay. It's okay to take a while to get there. I need to find something that makes me happy again...this has really become too much of a focus in our lives. So much so that I have really neglected my needs and desires. Simple things is where I'm starting...enjoying little things in our life that are wholesome and light. Like tending to the garden...cooking interesting meals. Things that take my mind off the toxicity of this. We forget that there is wholesomeness in this world still. I have a hard time communicating with my daughter - so many episodes of her verbal abuse have really caused me to shut down around her (therapist told me "and that's the PTSD"....what?). I find it easier to text my responses or write it out. My son was not home when this happened - daughter gets very little attention actually. Our house is not a war zone like it used to be back in her early teen years of practical daily meltdowns over anything and everything. It has not happened since last July (when my husband and son were on a backpacking trip actually - so again, not home). I am sure he feels sad about his sister. He seems grounded though. We talk about things sometimes and I like to check in with his emotions - hard to tell sometimes. AS for boyfriend...I don't know him at all. Just know that he has moved back with parents and family and is taking steps he needs to fulfill his obligations with the probation. He is definitely not mature. He is on medication again thankfully (depending on whether it helps or not). I know that he wrote us a 3 page letter from jail mainly concerned for my daughter which I found at least to be a caring gesture. I have met his parents who are very kind hearted people...big family. I know this broke their hearts too. I can't say anything bad about this guy to my daughter or it might alienate her(emotionally) from us even more. I did tell her that while he is doing his stuff to get his life together, wouldn't it be great if she could do something too to better herself...and contribute something to the relationship. She didn't respond. Thanks for letting me vent...and thanks for your real and honest help. I'm sorry for all of our troubles and pray that there is healing and enlightenment for all of us. [/QUOTE]
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