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Substance Abuse
Daughter just taken to behavioral health
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 733234" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>The best advice I received here SW, was to slow way down and take some deep breaths. We are all traveling a difficult journey at different places on the path. There is no “one size fits all” to this, we each have unique situations and all must deal with our troubled adult children the best we can, and be able to look ourselves in the mirror. We love them, and it is the hardest thing to know what to do.</p><p>I am thinking back to my first visit with a counselor who heard my woeful story, looked straight in my eyes and said “You are an enabler.” Those words were like a slap. It stung. I hate that word. I don’t use the term hate often, but dang, did I hate that word and it still rubs me the wrong way. It’s because nobody, not one parent on this forum, wants their adult children to continue off the rails. Each of us did whatever we could to try to stop the train wreck. It’s a heart wrenching learning curve.</p><p> It is ridiculous. Mental health care. So many people on the streets with no direction. I can only suppose it’s because your daughter is an adult in the systems eyes and if she is not asking for help, didn’t appear suicidal or any other number of things, they will not admit her against her own volition. I am just assuming because I have never been down that road. I am sorry she didn’t get the help she needs. Which, I am sure puts you in even more of a despairing state of mind.</p><p>So she is back in your home. Folks may write things that upset you, take what you need and leave the rest. We all can only deal with our own circumstances the way we see fit. I can assure you that it is not meant to cause you undue stress. I post from my own experiences, in hopes that it may help others, but it also helps me to reaffirm my path. It has been a long road for my family. If I have offended you in any way, I apologize. I understand the deep pain of this, and how hard it is to figure things out when we are in the thick of it. In many ways, I am still in the thick of it with two daughters out there doing Lord only knows what. It is a rock and a hard place, for sure.</p><p></p><p>This is good that you are setting healthy boundaries and expectations. Writing things down is good as a reminder to your daughter and yourself, to keep things straight.</p><p> That’s a tough one. Both of my daughters were involved in toxic relationships. Sometimes I wonder if the drama and chaos becomes part of the draw, extreme highs and lows, it was a level of crazy that baffles me to this day. </p><p>You are right, you can’t change her heart.</p><p> It starts with little steps. I don’t think you are crazy, you are a loving mother who does not want your daughter on the streets. We all have to do what we can live with. I went through many rounds of this with my two. I didn’t come to the place I am at now easily, and I still have to work at my peace with it. Understanding that having your daughter at home may end up with the same result is important, that’s <em>part</em> of the learning curve. You are giving your daughter another chance, make sure that you give <em>yourself</em> a chance too.</p><p> You are not a fool. Don’t be cruel to yourself, SW. You have been through enough.</p><p>Navigating this journey is not easy.</p><p>I am sorry for your broken heart. Of course you have empathy and compassion, this is your daughter.</p><p></p><p> Feel what you need to feel. That is the start to switching focus and finding that compassion for yourself. We go through intense grieving with the stress and senselessness of this. I used to listen to sad songs to help me release all the pent up emotions. I was so stressed out I couldn’t even cry. I made time for myself to be alone when I had to. Going to counseling helped. Posting here helped. </p><p></p><p>It is okay, you are okay, and there is no set timeline. Take one day at a time and try not to write the end of the story.</p><p></p><p>You are recognizing the need to nurture yourself. It does start with simple things. </p><p></p><p> Crickets, that’s the response I would get from my two, or rolled eyeballs.</p><p>You know, SW, I named Tornado and Volcano (now her ex boyfriend) after the Eminem song. They were so volatile together. When he was lucid, he was actually very intelligent and engaging. Endearing even. That all went away when he was raging, I don’t know if it is mental illness, or drugs or a combo. There is definitely something not right with both of them.</p><p>We went through years of this cycling in and out of our home, three grands in the mix, violent episodes, restraining orders, ugh.</p><p>I hope this will not be the case for your daughter. I hope she will get the help she needs.</p><p>In the meantime, try to work at those little steps you wrote about to give yourself some breathing space, make time to uplift yourself and rebuild.</p><p> Thank you for your honesty and explaining how you feel and what you are going through. I was right where you are at, <em>many times.</em></p><p>I pray for healing and enlightenment for all of us and our beloveds.</p><p>May we all find peace.</p><p>One moment at a time.</p><p>(((Hugs)))</p><p>Leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 733234, member: 19522"] The best advice I received here SW, was to slow way down and take some deep breaths. We are all traveling a difficult journey at different places on the path. There is no “one size fits all” to this, we each have unique situations and all must deal with our troubled adult children the best we can, and be able to look ourselves in the mirror. We love them, and it is the hardest thing to know what to do. I am thinking back to my first visit with a counselor who heard my woeful story, looked straight in my eyes and said “You are an enabler.” Those words were like a slap. It stung. I hate that word. I don’t use the term hate often, but dang, did I hate that word and it still rubs me the wrong way. It’s because nobody, not one parent on this forum, wants their adult children to continue off the rails. Each of us did whatever we could to try to stop the train wreck. It’s a heart wrenching learning curve. It is ridiculous. Mental health care. So many people on the streets with no direction. I can only suppose it’s because your daughter is an adult in the systems eyes and if she is not asking for help, didn’t appear suicidal or any other number of things, they will not admit her against her own volition. I am just assuming because I have never been down that road. I am sorry she didn’t get the help she needs. Which, I am sure puts you in even more of a despairing state of mind. So she is back in your home. Folks may write things that upset you, take what you need and leave the rest. We all can only deal with our own circumstances the way we see fit. I can assure you that it is not meant to cause you undue stress. I post from my own experiences, in hopes that it may help others, but it also helps me to reaffirm my path. It has been a long road for my family. If I have offended you in any way, I apologize. I understand the deep pain of this, and how hard it is to figure things out when we are in the thick of it. In many ways, I am still in the thick of it with two daughters out there doing Lord only knows what. It is a rock and a hard place, for sure. This is good that you are setting healthy boundaries and expectations. Writing things down is good as a reminder to your daughter and yourself, to keep things straight. That’s a tough one. Both of my daughters were involved in toxic relationships. Sometimes I wonder if the drama and chaos becomes part of the draw, extreme highs and lows, it was a level of crazy that baffles me to this day. You are right, you can’t change her heart. It starts with little steps. I don’t think you are crazy, you are a loving mother who does not want your daughter on the streets. We all have to do what we can live with. I went through many rounds of this with my two. I didn’t come to the place I am at now easily, and I still have to work at my peace with it. Understanding that having your daughter at home may end up with the same result is important, that’s [I]part[/I] of the learning curve. You are giving your daughter another chance, make sure that you give [I]yourself[/I] a chance too. You are not a fool. Don’t be cruel to yourself, SW. You have been through enough. Navigating this journey is not easy. I am sorry for your broken heart. Of course you have empathy and compassion, this is your daughter. Feel what you need to feel. That is the start to switching focus and finding that compassion for yourself. We go through intense grieving with the stress and senselessness of this. I used to listen to sad songs to help me release all the pent up emotions. I was so stressed out I couldn’t even cry. I made time for myself to be alone when I had to. Going to counseling helped. Posting here helped. It is okay, you are okay, and there is no set timeline. Take one day at a time and try not to write the end of the story. You are recognizing the need to nurture yourself. It does start with simple things. Crickets, that’s the response I would get from my two, or rolled eyeballs. You know, SW, I named Tornado and Volcano (now her ex boyfriend) after the Eminem song. They were so volatile together. When he was lucid, he was actually very intelligent and engaging. Endearing even. That all went away when he was raging, I don’t know if it is mental illness, or drugs or a combo. There is definitely something not right with both of them. We went through years of this cycling in and out of our home, three grands in the mix, violent episodes, restraining orders, ugh. I hope this will not be the case for your daughter. I hope she will get the help she needs. In the meantime, try to work at those little steps you wrote about to give yourself some breathing space, make time to uplift yourself and rebuild. Thank you for your honesty and explaining how you feel and what you are going through. I was right where you are at, [I]many times.[/I] I pray for healing and enlightenment for all of us and our beloveds. May we all find peace. One moment at a time. (((Hugs))) Leafy [/QUOTE]
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