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Daughter pushes everyone away
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 750975" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>There is a reality here. It does not mean it will always be so. But for right now it is. She will not talk to you or allow you to speak with her children. Because she does not want to. That is reality.</p><p></p><p>You search and search for a way to make this reality disappear or get out of the way. Until you accept that there is nothing you can do to change this reality you will feel terrible. There seems to be a certain stubbornness and denial on your part, I think, the belief that there exists a way that you have control over what she does. You don't. You have no control. You have only the potential to control you.</p><p> </p><p>But you can have control over you, only if you accept reality. That necessitates a choice. You can keep denying reality, and insisting that you there is some way you can make it go away. Or not. But as long as you refuse to accept reality, you will suffer.</p><p></p><p>The only way to stop suffering is to accept reality. Reality is: Your daughter can do whatever she wants, whether it hurts you or not. No matter if it hurts her kids. No matter if it hurts her husband. She can do exactly what she wants. And she is doing it. She can do whatever she wants whether it is right or wrong, hurtful or not. That's her right. Your only power is to remove yourself from her hurting her.</p><p></p><p>And you can do whatever you want. Except not with her.</p><p></p><p>This does not mean that this will not change. But you are not the one who can change it. Only she can. Or time.</p><p></p><p>Why not give this some time? Stop calling her. Stop texting her. Start acting on your own behalf. Do things you love to do. Seek out new activities. Divert your attention from this. Let her be. Let it go. For now.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 750975, member: 18958"] There is a reality here. It does not mean it will always be so. But for right now it is. She will not talk to you or allow you to speak with her children. Because she does not want to. That is reality. You search and search for a way to make this reality disappear or get out of the way. Until you accept that there is nothing you can do to change this reality you will feel terrible. There seems to be a certain stubbornness and denial on your part, I think, the belief that there exists a way that you have control over what she does. You don't. You have no control. You have only the potential to control you. But you can have control over you, only if you accept reality. That necessitates a choice. You can keep denying reality, and insisting that you there is some way you can make it go away. Or not. But as long as you refuse to accept reality, you will suffer. The only way to stop suffering is to accept reality. Reality is: Your daughter can do whatever she wants, whether it hurts you or not. No matter if it hurts her kids. No matter if it hurts her husband. She can do exactly what she wants. And she is doing it. She can do whatever she wants whether it is right or wrong, hurtful or not. That's her right. Your only power is to remove yourself from her hurting her. And you can do whatever you want. Except not with her. This does not mean that this will not change. But you are not the one who can change it. Only she can. Or time. Why not give this some time? Stop calling her. Stop texting her. Start acting on your own behalf. Do things you love to do. Seek out new activities. Divert your attention from this. Let her be. Let it go. For now. [/QUOTE]
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