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Daughter woke up in hotel room... no clue how she got there.
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 408322" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>My heart goes out to all of you. I am dealing with my own addictive enabling codep relatives and know how much it tears you up. I would do everything to keep the scenes like that one at the grandparents and in the car from the other kids.</p><p> </p><p>While kids don't come with books or instructions, there ARE books that help. Al-anon literature is an AWESOME start, esp when combined with CoDependent No More. Add those to meetings and things don't really get easier but the do get a lot healthier. The real problem is that when relatives like your addicted child and the codep grands see you changing and becoming healthier they then feel threatened and can lash out even more. THAT is a HUGE reason to go to meetings as often as possible AND to get your own sponsor. It really does make a WORLD of difference. If you can combine that iwth a therapist for YOU, life gets amazingly better.</p><p> </p><p>If you wonder if alanon is for you, check out different meetings (locations and times) to see which are a better fit for you. Also look into narcanon. Take your teens to alateen - they need help too. There is an amazing book called "Grandchildren of Alcoholics" that may be out of print but is WELL worth the read. You may not even realize it, but alcoholism and addiction to not just suddenly pop up in a generation. Chances are that someone in ever generation ofyour family is addicted to something. This book can help you see the behaviors that you learned from your parents, and taught to your kids, without you ever even being aware that your family has a history of addiction. I was blown away by it - and made a decision that the child I was carrying (Wiz) would have at least a chance of not being caught in that web. It is why I first went to alanon - on my mom's side I have her dad, her living sister, her dead sister's husband, and one of the three cousins I know who are all alcoholics, plus a strong possibility that many more relatives were - family stories sure imply it. On my dad's side his little sis married a closet drinker (If you have to hide it there is a problem - I was a teen when I stumbled across his "stash" of bottles and he wasn't even married to my aunt yet), his father was if you believe what my gma told me in private (refused to discuss it with my bro because he was such an ugly jerk at times, though she loved him dearly), and I had 3 great grandrelatives on his side who were alcoholics. Add that to all the other relatives with sub abuse problems, and we are almost doomed to either have a problem or need help with the codep behaviors of enabling.</p><p> </p><p>I hope that you can find some time for meetings for you and for the younger siblings. It really does make a HUGE difference and can help you see some choices where the patterns you have now give you none.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 408322, member: 1233"] My heart goes out to all of you. I am dealing with my own addictive enabling codep relatives and know how much it tears you up. I would do everything to keep the scenes like that one at the grandparents and in the car from the other kids. While kids don't come with books or instructions, there ARE books that help. Al-anon literature is an AWESOME start, esp when combined with CoDependent No More. Add those to meetings and things don't really get easier but the do get a lot healthier. The real problem is that when relatives like your addicted child and the codep grands see you changing and becoming healthier they then feel threatened and can lash out even more. THAT is a HUGE reason to go to meetings as often as possible AND to get your own sponsor. It really does make a WORLD of difference. If you can combine that iwth a therapist for YOU, life gets amazingly better. If you wonder if alanon is for you, check out different meetings (locations and times) to see which are a better fit for you. Also look into narcanon. Take your teens to alateen - they need help too. There is an amazing book called "Grandchildren of Alcoholics" that may be out of print but is WELL worth the read. You may not even realize it, but alcoholism and addiction to not just suddenly pop up in a generation. Chances are that someone in ever generation ofyour family is addicted to something. This book can help you see the behaviors that you learned from your parents, and taught to your kids, without you ever even being aware that your family has a history of addiction. I was blown away by it - and made a decision that the child I was carrying (Wiz) would have at least a chance of not being caught in that web. It is why I first went to alanon - on my mom's side I have her dad, her living sister, her dead sister's husband, and one of the three cousins I know who are all alcoholics, plus a strong possibility that many more relatives were - family stories sure imply it. On my dad's side his little sis married a closet drinker (If you have to hide it there is a problem - I was a teen when I stumbled across his "stash" of bottles and he wasn't even married to my aunt yet), his father was if you believe what my gma told me in private (refused to discuss it with my bro because he was such an ugly jerk at times, though she loved him dearly), and I had 3 great grandrelatives on his side who were alcoholics. Add that to all the other relatives with sub abuse problems, and we are almost doomed to either have a problem or need help with the codep behaviors of enabling. I hope that you can find some time for meetings for you and for the younger siblings. It really does make a HUGE difference and can help you see some choices where the patterns you have now give you none. [/QUOTE]
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Daughter woke up in hotel room... no clue how she got there.
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