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General Parenting
Day late and dollar short
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<blockquote data-quote="Andy" data-source="post: 550999" data-attributes="member: 5096"><p>The grass always appears greener on the other side! When Diva was about that age, she started behavior issues to the point she wanted to find a new place to live. Our day care provider had worked in the foster care system as a caregiver and sat down with Diva, her dad, and I to paint the real picture of life in foster care if all places were like her home. She told Diva that she would no longer get by with the behaviors at home. She would have house chores that would get done by her. In other words, leaving your home will not be an escape from chores but the expectations to follow household rules will be stronger. </p><p></p><p>Most importantly, she explained to Diva that she would have no say over where she gets to live including when she gets to go home. She may realize how nice she had it at home (the provider pointed out that she and difficult child had a great home with parents who invested more quality into their lives than most other kids) and decide she wants to return but the courts could refuse. She really did not have control over the rules of the house and where she got to live. So she should be grateful for the home she had now.</p><p></p><p>This was after a counseling session where the therapist who admitted he had no experience with kids suggested she set the household's evening routine! We did not go back to him. Kids need to know there is authority outside themselves that set the rules and they have to follow them. Tdocs who work with kids have to uphold the parents as authority figures. So many things kids may not like but it is the parent's right to set the rules of the house and the child's place to follow those rules. A good therapist will tell the child that a home is about teamwork and everyone needs to do their part to make it work. Tdocs also need to be open to finding the whole story and not just believe the child's understanding about what is going on.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Andy, post: 550999, member: 5096"] The grass always appears greener on the other side! When Diva was about that age, she started behavior issues to the point she wanted to find a new place to live. Our day care provider had worked in the foster care system as a caregiver and sat down with Diva, her dad, and I to paint the real picture of life in foster care if all places were like her home. She told Diva that she would no longer get by with the behaviors at home. She would have house chores that would get done by her. In other words, leaving your home will not be an escape from chores but the expectations to follow household rules will be stronger. Most importantly, she explained to Diva that she would have no say over where she gets to live including when she gets to go home. She may realize how nice she had it at home (the provider pointed out that she and difficult child had a great home with parents who invested more quality into their lives than most other kids) and decide she wants to return but the courts could refuse. She really did not have control over the rules of the house and where she got to live. So she should be grateful for the home she had now. This was after a counseling session where the therapist who admitted he had no experience with kids suggested she set the household's evening routine! We did not go back to him. Kids need to know there is authority outside themselves that set the rules and they have to follow them. Tdocs who work with kids have to uphold the parents as authority figures. So many things kids may not like but it is the parent's right to set the rules of the house and the child's place to follow those rules. A good therapist will tell the child that a home is about teamwork and everyone needs to do their part to make it work. Tdocs also need to be open to finding the whole story and not just believe the child's understanding about what is going on. [/QUOTE]
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Day late and dollar short
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