Day One of Tenantdom

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by meowbunny, Jan 11, 2008.

  1. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    She slept until 2:00 pm. I didn't say a word. Around 4:00 pm I did tell her that I expected the bathroom she uses to be clean and the toilet paper on the roll since it was also the guest bathroom. She agreed this would be done before she went to bed. I left it at that.

    She has decided that she will do no chores whatsoever other than take care of her room and bathroom and pick up after herself. That means I will not feed her. She ordered pizza for dinner at 3:00 pm, with cinnamon bread and something else. I fixed and ate my dinner, went into the kitchen and one of the pizza containers was just sitting on the counter, empty. I called her to take care of her trash. She came storming out, all huffy. Slammed it into the trash can and started yelling at me and then stormed into her room.

    I went to her doorway and told her that tenants did not have the right to talk to homeowners in that manner and the next time she did that, she could start looking for another place because she would have one week to find new living arrangements.

    "Don't call me a TENANT!" :rofl:

    "Sorry, sweetie, but that's what you chose to be. You'll have to live with it."

    This is going to get interesting. I do wonder if she'll ever figure out that being my daughter is so much more fun and easier than being a tenant? We can hope.
  2. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    MB- if she's not working, how did she pay for the pizza?

  3. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    A tenant??? I'm not a tenant! I'm your daughter and you have to take care of me and clean up after me and feed me and buy me things. But I'm also an adult so I should get all of that plus be able to do what I want! :princess:

    Don't you just love it when reality rears up and smacks them upside the head!
  4. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    She is working -- waitress at Applebee's. Has been for a little over two months, which has been her logic -- I work, I pay nominal rent, I shouldn't have to do anything more than that. So, I'm letting her have her way but I doubt she will think it's much fun for long.
  5. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    Gotta love that reality check.

    Making her throw away her pizza box was more of a Mom thing than a Landlord thing. I would have thrown it away and then presented her with a bill at rent time for all the little 'extras' you've provided her. :wink:
  6. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE


    OK- good! Glad to hear that she's working, MB. This will be an interesting experience for both of you. lol

  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    LOL! I love it! Good work on your part!
  8. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    I considered that but I'd never see the money, the meltdown would be astronomical and she wouldn't believe I actually did the work. By making her get up and take care of her stuff may be the mom in me but it gets the message across that the "landlord" ain't puttin up with mess and ain't gonna take care of it.
  9. Star*

    Star* call 911


    Nice that she offered to share her food with you. I don't know how you manage - I'd have put the pizza box on her bed.

    I'm with you though - she's missing out on a great mom.

  10. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    I think I'd take her keys to the house and say good luck to finding a better place to live.

    Rent or no's your house. You make the rules. If you don't like it - here's the door.

    I like the idea of pizza box on her bed. :bravo:

  11. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    By this time, the pizza box would be open, cheese side down on the bed.
  12. Anna1345

    Anna1345 New Member

    You know, you can always put the pizza box (and anything else she leaves around) right in her room.
  13. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    This was an empty box that she left behind. So, dumping it on her bed would have been useless. The sad thing is I did once dump a pizza on her bed when I had a temper tantrum over the mess in the kitchen. Didn't bother her a bit -- she just turned her comforter over. That kid can sleep in messes that would have me throwing up.

    As to tossing her out, I've considered it but my goal is to teach her how to survive on her own. Little by little, that is happening. At least I hope it is. No matter what, August 31, 2008 is her independence day -- a day she truly does not want and a day I can't wait for it to arrive.
  14. Anna1345

    Anna1345 New Member

    I would just toss the empty box in her room and leave. No argument, no nothing. And shut the door. Hang in there! You have more strength then you know.
  15. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    MB, you're such a good mom. :smile:
  16. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    meowbunny, I think you are doing a good job. Tossing out the door without trying everything possible to teach them to manage on their own is just not feasible or thinkable for some of our difficult children.

    Most kids are messy and need time to grow that sort of home care type skills. I know cleaning or picking up was the last thing on my mind at 20 and I was a responsible,working adult. As adults taking care of our home is one of the primary thoughts in our days. We are teaching them and offering choices. This may work. It may not. Your doing your job as you see it. Putting pizza on their bed or their head sounds pretty immature difficult child to me. They aren't the enemy but our beloved child.

    I'm pretty sure most of us do not have a spotless kitchens. If we leave things out then it's within the realm of normal behavior. Reminding her once then forcing it is a good way to go. in my humble opinion

    You are a good mom.
  17. Paris

    Paris New Member

    Just went I think I'm alone I read something like this.
    I think that is great that she is working and you are making her pay something.
    You sound like you're doing all the right things!

    Keep up the good work ; )
  18. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member


    We tried something similar with our difficult child and it didn't work. Instead it raised the tension level in our house to intolerable levels until it came to a horrible blowup. It worries me since I know that you posted that you are dealing with severe depression and financial troubles already and this tension might just exacerbate your situation.

    My difficult child did not see it as a learning experience. Unfortunately, she saw it as just one more injustice in a lifetime of oppression and her ODDness just made it one more battle to fight.

    The only thing that finally worked for us was to make her leave. It wasn't easy but she is doing relatively well now and our relationship is 100% improved. She even announced to my sister in law recently during a family trip to Florida that "my mom and I get along now."

    I guarantee that wouldn't be happening if she lived here. She spent a few nights here last month while studying for final exams and I was once again reminded about what a slob she is and I was right back to following behind her and cleaning up her messes.

    I sincerely hope that this works for you, though, and that your difficult child grows from the experience.

  19. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    Kathy makes some good points, MB. Our kiddos don't seem to see that we are trying to help them; rather we are just making their lives unbearable.

    I was wondering, when she is out on August 31, 2008 (do you have that date circled on your calendar :wink: ), how much are you going to help her? Are you willing to schedule a time with her once a month to organize and pay her bills? Are you going to help her figure out a budget? She seems pretty impulsive - as are most of our kiddos.

    Just some thoughts.

    I still think you're a good mom. :wink: One day, when she's about 30, she'll appreciate what you've done.
  20. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Kathy -- Considering the tension level has been pretty unbearable the past few weeks, anything has got to be better. At least now I don't resent her not doing minimal things. I simply close her door and leave her in her pigsty.

    Heather -- I really doubt she will let me help once she moves out. If she's doing good, she'll think I'm just checking on her for no reason. If she's doing poorly, there is no way she will let me know until she's so far under there's no way to haul her out other than a total rescue.