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General Parenting
DCFS came last night - update to innappropriate touching with siblings
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 168552" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Oh Linda, I know this su*ks, badly. I have actually been there done that. With us we didn't find out about the sexual abuse until we had already placed my son in a psychiatric hospital. </p><p> </p><p>We took our daughter (Jessie) to the doctor because she was having severe panic attacks and major anxiety. We KNEW our difficult child had tried to kill her. We pulled him off of her in the middle of the night - it was no wonder she couldn't sleep in her own bed for a LONG time.</p><p> </p><p>In our case, my husband did as little as possible, partly due to being in grad school, partly due to just disconnecting whenever something emotional happens.</p><p> </p><p>We put Wizard in the psychiatric hospital with the first opening. I wanted him out of the house (He also attacked me regularly and I have permanent damage to my hand from him - I love him, but could not keep us all safe with his violence.)</p><p> </p><p>CPS did their investigation, and said that our safety plan was fine, all was OK. But it was extremely stressful while they were doing it (The social worker was very new and very stupid - not a word I use lightly). </p><p> </p><p>The stay at the psychiatric hospital became 4 months long. At about 6 weeks they wanted to discharge him and I was frantic. He just couldn't come home, he had them all fooled (except ONE nurse and ONE therapist) into thinking he was a nice, sweet kid with a crazy mom. I am the mom who, in desperation, went into a therapy session and got in his face. I pushed every button he had and he went into a rage. It was horrible, but it was also the beginning of his healing and changing.</p><p> </p><p>After that he went into a group for kids who abuse others sexually. He kept insisting he didn't belong there and another patient got in his face. Wizard started to realize that he did need help, and he started to learn.</p><p> </p><p>I am NOT saying your son needs to go to a psychiatric hospital. But the CPS investigation did NOT ruin his life. Wizard was 12 at the time. The investigation got us funding to continue his stay at the psychiatric hospital until he was able to be a part of our family.</p><p> </p><p>Right now Wizard lives with my parents (in the same town we live in). He became violent with me and I refused to have him here. That was at age 14. (I am NO ONE'S BATTERED WOMAN!) wizard will be a senior this year, he is taking both college prep classes AND a vocational program in metalworking. The vocational program will continue for another year after he graduates, fully paid. The CPS investigation had no bearing on his life,except that it let us go to court and have him live with my parents so we would be safe. At that time CPS said they knew us and trusted us to make the right decisions, so my son did NOT need juvie.</p><p> </p><p>There will be life after this investigation. For all of you. It would be good to have some family therapy, and some individual therapy to help you cope with this. </p><p> </p><p>I am sorry your husband is having such a hard time wtih this. Please don't let your husband sway you in knowing you did the RIGHT thing. sometimes we know it is the right thing because it is so dang hard to do. </p><p> </p><p>I hope our story helps you see that there IS life after this, that you did the right thing, and that you have NOT ruined anyone's life. You may have saved your daughter - she will be able to get types of counselling now that she couldn't otherwise.</p><p> </p><p>Hugs,</p><p> </p><p>Susie</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 168552, member: 1233"] Oh Linda, I know this su*ks, badly. I have actually been there done that. With us we didn't find out about the sexual abuse until we had already placed my son in a psychiatric hospital. We took our daughter (Jessie) to the doctor because she was having severe panic attacks and major anxiety. We KNEW our difficult child had tried to kill her. We pulled him off of her in the middle of the night - it was no wonder she couldn't sleep in her own bed for a LONG time. In our case, my husband did as little as possible, partly due to being in grad school, partly due to just disconnecting whenever something emotional happens. We put Wizard in the psychiatric hospital with the first opening. I wanted him out of the house (He also attacked me regularly and I have permanent damage to my hand from him - I love him, but could not keep us all safe with his violence.) CPS did their investigation, and said that our safety plan was fine, all was OK. But it was extremely stressful while they were doing it (The social worker was very new and very stupid - not a word I use lightly). The stay at the psychiatric hospital became 4 months long. At about 6 weeks they wanted to discharge him and I was frantic. He just couldn't come home, he had them all fooled (except ONE nurse and ONE therapist) into thinking he was a nice, sweet kid with a crazy mom. I am the mom who, in desperation, went into a therapy session and got in his face. I pushed every button he had and he went into a rage. It was horrible, but it was also the beginning of his healing and changing. After that he went into a group for kids who abuse others sexually. He kept insisting he didn't belong there and another patient got in his face. Wizard started to realize that he did need help, and he started to learn. I am NOT saying your son needs to go to a psychiatric hospital. But the CPS investigation did NOT ruin his life. Wizard was 12 at the time. The investigation got us funding to continue his stay at the psychiatric hospital until he was able to be a part of our family. Right now Wizard lives with my parents (in the same town we live in). He became violent with me and I refused to have him here. That was at age 14. (I am NO ONE'S BATTERED WOMAN!) wizard will be a senior this year, he is taking both college prep classes AND a vocational program in metalworking. The vocational program will continue for another year after he graduates, fully paid. The CPS investigation had no bearing on his life,except that it let us go to court and have him live with my parents so we would be safe. At that time CPS said they knew us and trusted us to make the right decisions, so my son did NOT need juvie. There will be life after this investigation. For all of you. It would be good to have some family therapy, and some individual therapy to help you cope with this. I am sorry your husband is having such a hard time wtih this. Please don't let your husband sway you in knowing you did the RIGHT thing. sometimes we know it is the right thing because it is so dang hard to do. I hope our story helps you see that there IS life after this, that you did the right thing, and that you have NOT ruined anyone's life. You may have saved your daughter - she will be able to get types of counselling now that she couldn't otherwise. Hugs, Susie [/QUOTE]
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DCFS came last night - update to innappropriate touching with siblings
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