Dealing with easy child 2 and the band of enablers

[Shari]

Ok, she's not alcoholic, but....it still seems like half her family are enablers. Well....they are. Just not for alcoholics.

easy child 2 hates school, has some mild, but ignored, learning problems. Falling farther and farther behind, hating school more and more. (obvious. Duh.)

So she claims to be sick. A LOT. Her favorite illness is sore throat. Grandma hauls her to the doctor at every mention of ANYTHING. easy child 2 refuses a strep test (she's 11). She also refuses anything but bubble gum flavored liquid antibiotic (chewable or swallow forms of the same medicine "make her too sick" she says). The dumb doctor will prescribe the antibiotic every time "just in case" she does have something (cause she refuses the test). Then grandma goes to Walmart to fill the prescription, they inevitably buy easy child 2 something there, then they go home where she spends the day parked in front of the tv watching Nick and Disney.

Why wouldn't you be sick all the time?

She stayed with us last night. She got up this morning tired and said the famous "I have a sore throat" line. I asked her if anything else was wrong. She said her eyes itch. She has a little sniffle. I take her temp. Its actually below 98. I suspect its just from drainage (which I can sympathize with, mind you.) I ask her how bad it is. She thinks she needs to go to the doctor. I said ok, throw some clothes on so I can take wee difficult child to school, and then I'll call the doctor when we get home. I tell her, tho, that there's no tv til doctor confirms she is really sick. And we won't be going to Walmart, I don't use that pharmacy. Suddenly, its not so bad, and she's flying to get dressed for school.

Hm.

I dropped her off at school and called grandma and told her to be expecting the "I'm sick" call, but also told her that when Walmart and tv were removed from the equation, she suddenly felt a lot better. Hoping grandma catches the inference there that she's contributing to this little problem (grandma complains about it frequently).

But you watch... If grandma didn't catch the hint, come Wednesday when Pc2s back at our house, $20 says she's got pink medicine, some new junk from Walmart, make-up homework, and a claim to have had "strep" (which she always says she has and has not ever once been tested for), which she will probably rub in my face for ignoring.

 

[mstang67chic]

Isn't it amazing how much better they feel when there's no "lounging"? difficult child used to (and still does to a point) try the I'm sick thing. My rule is, if you're too sick to go to school, then you need to stay in bed. And as difficult child doesn't have a tv in his room, it makes for a long boring day when he's not really that sick.

I always find it amazing that g'parents fall for this. True, it's been awhile since they had kids that age but still. It doesn't take a genius to figure out the patterns there.

Hope g'ma gets a clue and things go a bit smoother! Hugs.

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

I really hope that Grandma gets the point.

Antibiotics are given out so readily, it won't be long before our bodies are immune. That really scares the bejeebers out of me. I go out of my way to not buy antibacterial soaps or cleaners for that reason. If it means I have to clean more often, so be it.

I have thrown out antibiotic scripts for "bugs" that I have been able to get rid of on my own, and that goes for Tink as well. I only fill them if it is a true bacterial infection. I took it a couple months ago when I had pneumonia. Before that, I can't tell you the last time I took an antibiotic.

I may be catastrophizing, but it really scares me. My mom gets an antibiotic at least every other month for a sinus infection. They don't even work anymore. She won't listen to me when I tell her that her body has become immune. She insists that she needs a stronger dose, or it is a really bad infection. And she keeps on taking it.

Look at staph infections. A friend of mine went to the hospital with a little cut on his finger, to visit his mom. He ended up in the hospital for 2 months with a staph infection that he could not get rid of!

OK, I'm done. (lol)

 

[nvts]

Want a cure for the sore throat?

Print pictures of a strep throat, swollen tonsils (tonsilitus), and tell her that since she's had so many strep occurances, that if she has another episode before summer, you're making an appointment with the Ear, Nose and throat surgeon because you can't stand to see your baby suffer!

Oh, and tell her it's against your religion to give ice cream to kids who've gotten their tonsils out.

Yeah. THAT'LL fix it! (lol!!!)

Make sure that you make this announcement right before a big trip or class fun day is annouced! That'll make it even more fun!

Oh yeah, make sure that you spray her throat really well with the yucky tasting Chloraseptic!

Good luck!

Beth

 

[Abbey]

Beth...great reply!!

Abbey

 

[susiestar]

At 11 SHE can refuse a strep test??? I can see not doing the quick strep test, they are notoriously wrong, according to our docs (pediatrician AND husband&my doctor). Our doctors just won't give any antibiotics unless they have PROOF of a bacterial infection. Even when these nasty sores get infected we wait for a culture.

BBK, I am with you on the antibiotic immunity. I don't think you are catastrophizing. Heck, even the STD's have changed!!! Now there are very few visible signs of them, and all the damage is internal!!!

I think that the appointment with the ENT doctor is a good idea. Esp if you can schedule it on a Class trip or other big day!!

Sorry Gma is so indulgent!

Susie

 

[WhymeMom?]

Man, I must have been mean, cause my rule was unless you were throwing up, diahreah, or temperature (which I took and never left the room) it was a school day. If they were home they were in bed. Most of the time my son was so much calmer when he was sick I knew he wasn't feeling well. Trips to Wal-mart? Is Gramma spreading the sore throat to everyone at Wal-mart? Good luck with getting gramma to change......

 

[Shari]

Me, too, Mustang. When they did the school evaluation for her learning problems, one of grandma's biggest complaints was her constantly whining that she's sick. Yet grandma caters to it...why wouldn't she? Grandma also groans about her "gut" (she has a beer gut - literally when the child stands up straight, she has multiple rolls on her belly - and she wears her pants under it so it flops 3 or 4 inches over her pants). Yet grandma provides her 3 or 4 packs of Easy Mac as an after school snack. Grandma drives her to the bus (but won't drive her 3 miles to town to play on a sports team). Heck, they even drive her back and forth between mom's house and grandma's house, which are 50 yards apart. Maybe 75! Hello, grandma!!!!???!!??!! Anyone home???

I hadn't even thought of the immunity angle, but you're right. difficult child 1's bio-mom dragged him from doctor to doctor to treat ear infections when he was tiny. When the doctor would mention a long-term fix (he needed adenoids out) she'd take him to a new doctor. If he gets an infection now, there's no point in even trying the "lower level" antibiotics. They do nothing for him.

This doctor that easy child 2's grandma takes her to handles mostly elderly people in the nursing home. I've gone to him on occassion when I had no other viable options, but you ALWAYS walk out of his office with a prescription. Maybe 2 or 3. I wouldn't let him diagnose a hang nail on a cat. I mean, really, what kind of doctor has a kid who has come in with a sore throat 7 or 8 times a year, year after year, you repeatedly send home with amoxicillan and not refer her somewhere else to see what's causing this sore throat? Its never even been mentioned.

Plus, the kid never had a playdate or a friend prior to entering kindergarten. She didn't go to daycare or preschool. They went camping, but her grandparents are such recluses they didn't like public camp grounds so bought their own lot "on the lake" (which is actually like 400 yards off the lake, but whatever). She missed 20 or 30 days of school the first couple of years, which I figured was just due to catching every bug in existence. Now she "just" misses 10 days or so. "Just".

Beth, I like the way you think. Its actually a good idea. Or I could show her pics of people with superinfections - things you get when you overuse antibiotics. Have a guy at work here who got that flesh eating disease and actually lived (no one's sure how - including him). HE could tell her some stories.

I don't know that SHE can refuse the strep test, but she balks cause she doesn't like the swab and then grandma won't make her do it. I truly think the girl likes the medicine and the time off. This is a girl who can't remember her homework, to put on her pajamas before she goes to bed, to brush her teeth or even her HAIR before she leaves the house (at an age when she's starting to worry about her looks and boys, etc), or even to eat breakfast, yet I bet she has NEVER forgotten a dose of pink bubble gum flavored amoxicillan. Plus, I think its attention seeking to some degree.

I must be mean, too. I did not let difficult child 1 or easy child 1 watch tv when they were sick cause, like easy child 2, they were "users". They liked to days off school and would abuse it. difficult child 2 has been sick more this winter than his entire life, and I mean sick. Diarrhea, fever, vomiting, and laid on the couch for hours on end (he never lays ANYWHERE), so I did let him watch tv, but there was nothing "objective" about his illness - he was sick.

On one hand, I feel sorry for her; she's a product of mom and grandma's catering. At the same time, she's getting to the point she should be old enough to see some consequences for actions, both hers and her family's, and make some different choices, but I think she's so conditioned and her actually being held responsible for something happens so infrequently that they're not even blips on her radar screen. Not sure that makes sense...but she sees some things she wants to change things about herself and can see logical "problems", but does nothing to change them. She is not happy with her weight, is one example. But she still eats the 3 or 4 packs easy mac after school, ice cream right before bed, sits in front of the tv instead of playing outside, and wears skin tight clothes and crop shirts. Maybe I expect too much, but I think she should be getting to a point where she can connect a couple of dots here.

But...maybe not when you've never had to.

This girl is a difficult child in the making. She borders it, now, but (bad me, I'm judging the caretakers, here) I think its largely due to parental contribution in this case (mom and grandma, with husband throwing into the mix, and his mother diving in, as well, thinking its a competition to buy the girl's love). Maybe she's a difficult child already and this is how they deal with it, but I know she wasn't when she was younger, and her half sister (mom's older daughter) is not a difficult child and they treated her the same way - once she was out of mom's house, her dad had little trouble with her (other than having a lot of mom's attitude). If she is a difficult child and this is how they are dealing with it, well, they aren't. The only punishment or reward she EVER gets at her mom's is her gameboy taken away or given back. That's all she's GOT at mom's to take away.

It just gets my feathers ruffled that she's already spoiled rotten (even husband contributes), and I've gotta put up with it, likely will have her dumped on me as a teenager when her mom gets tired of her attitude (happened with the older one) and not an iota of anything I can do about it.

Except maybe ditch husband.

Thanks for the vent.

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

I think grandma needs to put on her "big-girl rubber-duckie-undies" and stand up to that kid...

mrahahahaha